Category: Humor

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, ‘Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.…

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they…

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say ‘Supersex…’ She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair……

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ ‘No,’ the second man replied, ‘it’s Thursday.’ And the third man chimed in, ‘So am I. Let’s have…

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, ‘Was I getting in or out of the…

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?” Margaret looked…

The wife and I were at home watching TV. I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. She became more and more annoyed and finally said: “For God’s sake! Leave…

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car – both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman…

*DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS:* **** * 40-ish…………………………….49. * Adventurous……………………..Slept with everyone. * Athletic…………………………..No breasts. * Average looking…………………Moooo. * Beautiful…………………………Pathological liar. * Emotionally Secure………………On medication. * Feminist………………………….Fat. * Free Spirit………………………..Junkie. * Friendship first…………………..Former Slut. * New-Age…………………………Body hair in the…

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on…

One cold winter day Ole and Lena went to the mall of America. They ended up getting separated and could not find each other. Lena saw a security guard and asked him if he’d seen her Ole…The security guard asked…

Sven is passing by Ole’s hay shed one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Ole doing a slow and deliberate striptease in front of an old green John Deere. Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette…

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed. My parents told me to always be truthful…

**Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this…

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry,…

A real woman is a man’s best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do…