Category: Humor
Letter to Mum and Dad
Dear Mom and Dad,
You’ll be happy to hear that I have finally left my black boyfriend. I know you both didn’t approve of him because of his race and the fact that he is ten years older than me. I found, as you suggested, a white boy the same age as me. Attached is a recent photo of the two of us. He’s looking forward to meeting you both.
Your loving daughter,
Jenny
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Sumbitch
A filthy rich Floridian man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women. At the height of the party, the host said, “I have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.” The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says, “Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars,”
“No, that’s okay. I don’t want it,” said Leroy.
The rich man said, “Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?”
“No thanks, I don’t want it,” answered Leroy.
The host said, “Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche And a Rolex and some stock options?”
Again Leroy said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, “Well, Leroy, then what Do you want?”
Leroy said, “I want the name of the sumbitch who pushed Me in the pool!”
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How To Get Kicked Out of The Air Force 101
Who says AF people aren’t a little wild…
When it gets hot outside on the flight line, people get a little crazy!!
A few days ago somebody found a pic of a KC-135 guy marshaling a jet in his underwear. The next day Airman Jerknuts of our grand 34th AMU decided to out do the tanker guy. I think our guy won!
The chief lost his mind over this. He read 11 people their rights and they all lawyered up. The chief confiscated a bunch of cameras (not before the pics got put on laptops of course) The kid asked everyone if they minded, including the aircrew and super, no one cared.
There’s a huge cluster-gaggle with it. Apparently every lawyer in the AOR plus a few extras have to be flown in for this.
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A mystery unfolded……
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Washington, DC has recently revealed the true story. When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in the United States. If nothing is there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice.
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Why Men Shouldn’t Buy Baby Clothes
Japanese Fashion: Coming Soon to a Walmart Near You!
What you see below are not see-thru skirts. They are actually prints on the skirts to make it look as if the panties are visible and these are the current rage in Japan. They’ll be the rage here in the USA soon.
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Updated Oldy: Democratic Convention
7:00 pm ~ Opening flag burning
7:15 pm ~ Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N.
7:20 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:25 pm ~ Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton
7:45 pm ~ Ceremonial tree hugging
7:55 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:00 pm ~ How I Invented the Internet – Al Gore
8:15 pm ~ Gay Wedding Planning – Barney Frank presiding
8:35 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:40 pm ~ Our Troops are War Criminals – John Kerry
9.00 pm ~ Memorial service for Saddam and his sons – Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
10:00 pm ~ ‘Answering Machine Etiquette’ – Alec Baldwin
11:00 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:05 pm! ~ Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund – Barbra Streisand
11:15 pm ~ Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay – Sean Penn
11:30 pm ~ Oval Office Affairs – William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:50 pm ~ How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers – Howard Dean
12:15 am ~ ‘Truth in Broadcasting Award’ – Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore
12:25 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:30 am ~ Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am ~ Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi
1:00 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
1:05 am ~ Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton
1:30 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
1:35 am ~ Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home
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Dog Pack Attacks Gator In East Texas
At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty. The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the “apex predator”, can still fall victim to implemented ‘team work’ strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and “survival of the pack mentality” bred into the canines.
See the remarkable photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine. Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of th e gator.
Not for the squeamish!
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Dumb Blonde
Mona Lisa
Refridgerator Magnet
Soccer Fan
Winner of the Not My Job Award
Fortune Cookie
Bomb Technician
Stay Off The Course
Surgeon General Warning: Jackhammers May Cause Birth Defects
Me 1st
Twenty Dollars
On their wedding night, the young bride Approached her new Husband and asked for $20.00 for their first Lovemaking encounter. In His highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more
Than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a Cute way for her to
Afford new clothes and other incidentals that She needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was Surprised to find
Her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that His employer Was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had Been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of
59, he’d be able to find Another position that paid anywhere near what He’d been earning , and Therefore, they Were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which Showed more than thirty
Years of steady deposits and interest totaling Nearly $1 million. Then she
Showed him certificates of deposits issued By the bank which were worth over $2 million, And informed him that they Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that For the more than Three decades she had “charged” him for sex, These holdings had multiplied And these were the Results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments Worth over $3
Million, her husband was so astounded he could Barely speak, but
Finally he found his voice and blurted out, “If I’d had any idea what you
Were doing, I would have given you all my Business!”
That’s when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don’t know when
To keep their mouths shut.