Category: Humor

The Ordinary Scene in My Living Room Lies

Hal

There wasn’t a single thing wrong with the living room, which was precisely what bothered me. Pandora sat comfortably beside me on the couch with a novel resting in her lap, occasionally turning a page without saying a word. Down…

I Think My Cat Can See Right Through Her

Hal

It started with Mr. Whiskers. Not because he did anything dramatic. He didn’t hiss, puff up, or launch himself across the room like he’d seen a ghost. He simply walked away from Pandora. That might not sound particularly unusual, except…

She Borrowed My Camera Without Asking Me

Hal

I’m sitting on the couch, staring at Pandora’s phone where she left it on the coffee table. It isn’t ringing. It isn’t buzzing. It’s just… sitting there. I’m not trying to snoop—honestly. My eyes just happen to land on the…

I Think Pandora and John Had a Secret Fight

Hal

John Mercer looked exhausted this morning, and that was the first clue. He shuffled into the kitchen with the unmistakable expression of someone who had spent the night wrestling with either insomnia or an exceptionally difficult crossword puzzle. He opened…

I Think She’s Leaving Clues for Mrs Jenkins

Hal

Breakfast should have been simple. I was standing in the kitchen making eggs when I noticed Pandora’s coffee mug sitting on the counter. That was odd. Not alarming odd. Just…odd. Pandora had stopped by yesterday afternoon, and she usually took…

I Found a Spot on the Wall That Bothers Me Still

Hal

Walking home from the library usually helps me organize my thoughts after an afternoon of studying. Calculus has a way of filling every available corner of my brain, so by the time I reach our apartment building I’m normally ready…

I Knew Something Was Off When Mr. Whiskers Slept In

Hal

Mr. Whiskers had exactly three jobs in life. First, supervise breakfast. Second, inspect every grocery bag that entered the apartment. Third—and perhaps most importantly—wake me up every morning at precisely the same time by sitting on my chest and staring…

I Knew Something Was Off About That Crust Side Up

Hal

There are two kinds of people in the world. There are people who make sandwiches without thinking about them, and there are people who develop little habits over the years without ever realizing they’ve done so. Until Thursday morning, I…

I Think John’s Backpack Is a Message

Hal

There are certain things a person comes to expect after living with the same roommate for a long time. John Mercer always rinsed his coffee mug before putting it in the sink, never remembered where he left the television remote,…

I’m Starting to Suspect Mrs Jenkins Is Involved Too

Hal

Breakfast should never require detective work. Unfortunately, that was exactly where my morning seemed to be heading. I stood in the kitchen staring into the toaster while a second piece of bread slowly transformed from perfectly edible into something that…

I Think Pandora’s Humming is Mind Control

Hal

I have a habit of noticing things that most people either overlook completely or dismiss without a second thought. Pandora insists that this is because my imagination has a tendency to sprint ahead while everyone else’s politely walks, and she’s…

Mr. Whiskers Knows Something I Don’t About Karen

Hal

I was sitting on the couch watching Pandora type away on her laptop while pretending I wasn’t curious about what she was working on. Every few seconds she would smile to herself, pause as though weighing the perfect word, and…

I Think Mr. Whiskers Is In On It Too Somehow

Hal

There are moments when I know I’m overthinking something, and then there are moments when I recognize I’m overthinking something while continuing to do it anyway. This particular afternoon firmly belonged in the second category. I had spread my presentation…

I Think John Mercer is Hiding Something in My Kitchen

Hal

I was halfway through making my morning coffee when I noticed Pandora’s favorite mug sitting on the kitchen counter. That might not sound unusual, but if you knew Pandora, you’d understand why it stopped me in my tracks. She had…

I Think Mr Whiskers Is Trying to Tell Me Something

Hal

There are some mornings when your brain quietly eases into the day. You make a cup of coffee, open a window, enjoy a few peaceful minutes, and gradually become a functioning member of society. Then there are mornings like this…

I Think John Might Be Avoiding Pandora for Some Reason

Hal

I was halfway through my first cup of coffee when I noticed something that immediately felt wrong. The apartment was quiet. Not unusually quiet, exactly. Mr. Whiskers was sitting on the windowsill watching birds with the kind of concentration normally…