Category: Stories

Irish Ghost Story

Dave

John Bradford, Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on​ ​​​a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he​ ​could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.​ ​Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for​ ​shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the​ ​door … only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn’t running.The car started​ ​moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve​ ​approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then,​ ​just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter,​ ​​J​​ohn saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped​ ​the pub when everybody realized he was crying … and wasn’t drunk.​ ​Suddenly, the door​ ​opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night.​ ​They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around,​ ​and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other…​ ​”Look Paddy … there’s that fooking idiot wot got in the car while we were pushing​ ​it!”

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Monterey’s Flower Burglar

Dave

This morning I was driving to the ocean in Monterey, California in hopes to take some photos of some sea otters when I noticed a movement out of the corner of my eye.  When I looked over there was a young deer walking along the side of a house.  I stopped my car and watched to see what the deer was going to do.  He decided to snack on some vegetation in a flower bed. I’m sure the owner will appreciate that.

All of a sudden my windshield wipers went off because they were on a timer from it lightly misting rain this morning.  

thekumachan_deer_Monterey_California-6

The noise startled the deer and it started looking around.

The deer spotted me and I decided that I didn’t want to see the deer get spooked and try running away, so I slowly drove my vehicle away and left it alone. What a pleasant experience.

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The Coyote Principle

Dave

an animal standing on grass

CALIFORNIA

– The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor.
-The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
– He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
– He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.
– The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
– The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
– The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.
– The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
– The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training for the nature of coyotes.
– PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.

TEXAS

– The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
– The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a 0.45 ACP hollow point cartridge.
– The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that is why California is broke and Texas is not.

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The Cab Ride

Dave
I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes, I walked to the  door and knocked.
‘Just a minute’, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90’s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it,

like somebody out of a 1940’s movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years.  All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a card board box filled with photos and glassware..

‘Would you carry my bag out to the car?’ she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. ‘It’s nothing’, I told her. ‘I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.’

‘Oh, you’re such a good  boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, ‘Could you drive through downtown?’

‘It’s not the shortest way,’ I answered quickly..

‘Oh, I don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a  hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. ‘I don’t have any family left,’ she continued in a soft voice.

‘The doctor says I don’t have very long.’ I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

What route would you like me to take?’ I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an  elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds

She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, ‘I’m tired. Let’s go now’.

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home with a driveway that passed under a  portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

‘How much do I owe you?’ She asked, reaching into her purse.

‘Nothing,’ I said

‘You have to make a living,’ she answered.

‘There are other passengers,’ I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

‘You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,’ she  said ‘Thank you.’
I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.  What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What  if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life.  We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve  around great moments.  But great moments often catch us unaware – beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

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How to Call the Police When You’re Old

Dave

Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”

He said “No,” but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available”

George said, “Okay.”

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now,” and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

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Do Elephants Remember?

Dave

DoElepha1

In 1972, Joe Miller was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Tulsa Junior College.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Joe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Joe worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to Joe, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Joe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Joe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Thirty years later, Joe was walking through the Tulsa Zoo with his family. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Joe and his family were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Joe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1972, Joe could not help wondering if this was the same elephant… Joe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Joe’s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

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Why We Shoot Deer

Dave

Why we shoot deer in the wild. (A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this)

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up – 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope.

The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope, and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.
That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer– no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer’s momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn’t want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder – a little trap I had set before hand….kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite?

They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when …… I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head–almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp … I learned a long time ago that, when an animal – like a horse – strikes at you with their hooves and you can’t get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.
Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down..

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope……to sort of even the odds!!

All these events are true so help me God… An Educated Farmer.

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Gotemba Premium Outlets

Dave

Today I wanted to drive over toward Mount Fuji to see what it was looking like at this time of year. On the way over there I happened to notice some premium outlet stores at Gotemba and it looked like a good place to stop and look around. The outlet stores must be pretty popular because they were packed and there was busloads of people that kept arriving. I decided to walk around and look at the outlet stores. I went into a G-Shock store, but their selection of G-Shock watches was terrible. I asked them if they had any solar powered G-shock watches and they showed me this selection that looked like some cheap 3 dollar watches that had the name G-Shock stamped onto them. I literally wouldn’t have paid more than $5.00 for one of those watches, but they were charing about $100. I went into the Oakley store to see what they had to offer. They had a bunch of snow boarding clothes, backpacks, and of course sunglasses, but the problem was with the clothes that they were all Japanese sizes. Good luck trying to find any large clothes in Japan. I ended up walking through some other stores, but the one thing I noticed is that they had very limited selection of items on the floor and the prices were crazy. I guess I’m going to be stuck doing my clothes shopping online or wait until I can go somewhere else.

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Happy New Year!

Dave

This year for New Year’s Eve, I decided to go to Shibuya, Tokyo. I went to a dance club called Womb. On the way to club Womb I passed a couple other clubs and there were lines out the door. This club seemed as though it was more low key as there was a door man and no sign out front. Once inside the club it cost 5,000 Yen per person, then another 500 yen for them to store the items you have and then 500 yen per drink. Once I got through the door, there was about 30 minutes before midnight, and I went into this small room. While waiting in line for a drink I started talking to another person and I asked them if this was the whole club. He said no it wasn’t and to go upstairs. So I decided to fight through all the people trying to get into the front door to head for the stairs. Once I got upstairs this place was packed with people. The room had a couple DJ’s on one side of the room with a huge disco ball hanging from the ceiling and a bar in the back of the room and laser lights projecting onto a huge screen the exact time it was until the countdown began. Everywhere between there were people packed so tight that when the crowd moved, everybody in the room moved. I stayed in this room until the turn of the new year, probably because it was so tight in there that I couldn’t move, then I decided to go upstairs to see what else this club had to offer. There were a couple more rooms with Hi-NRG techno music playing, but it wasn’t long that I got sick of being stuck in the crowd. I ended up leaving there and going to a more low key bar and stayed in there until about 6 A.M. It was a fun night and definitely a cool experience, but I was amazed that there wasn’t more people passing out and needing to be rushed to the hospital.

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Scary Halloween Story

Dave

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween-night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER…
FASTER…
BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP….

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.

clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP…on his heels, as the terrified man runs. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket…and, The coffin stops.

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Interesting Story

Dave

I’m reminded of the time that Catherine, a little girl in our neighborhood told me that she wanted to be President one day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there with me – and I asked Catherine – ‘If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?’

Catherine replied – ‘I would give houses to all the homeless people’.

‘Wow’! ‘What a worthy goal you have there Catherine’ I told her (while both parents beamed), ‘But, you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that. You can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in the back yard and I will pay you $5 dollars. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 to use toward a new house.’

Catherine (who was about 5) thought that over for a second, and then replied, ‘why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop himself, and you can pay him the $5 dollars.’

Welcome to the Republican Party, Catherine…

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Great Elephant Story

Dave


In 1986, Mike Membre was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Membre approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Membre worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Membre stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Membre never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Membre was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Membre and his son Cantri were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Membre, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Membre couldn’t help wondering if this was the same elephant. Membre summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Membre’s legs and raised him high into the air and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

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Hiking Experience in Kailua

Dave

Do you remember the stories that your grandfather probably told you about walking to school everyday, through the snow barefoot, uphill both ways? Well, today I have one of those stories, but it’s 100% true and it just happened to me, today. I thought it would be fun to go hiking with my son today at Moana Wiliwili. We drove to Kailua, Oahu. Anyway, I wasn’t sure if it has been rainy in Kailua so I wore flip-flop shoes. I made some major mistakes when we got there. The 1st mistake I made was that I forgot to bring water. The next major mistake I made was that I forgot the mosquito spray in the car.

We started walking and about ¬Ω mile into the walk we realized that it was really muddy. It was then that my son started complaining about not liking mud and every time we stopped for him to whine about not wanting to walk in the mud, mosquitoes would start biting us so bad that I smacked my leg and killed 5 mosquitoes at once. So for the first 1.8 miles I carried him on my shoulders, uphill, through the mud. When we arrived at the waterfall people were jumping off cliffs into the water, so we took a break to cool down our feet in the cold water.

Before long we decided to start walking back and once again he started complaining about not wanting to get muddy and once again I ended up carrying him on my shoulders. This time we were going downhill, but it was really muddy and slippery and I had a 40lb child on my shoulders. I ended up getting my flip-flops stuck in the mud where I couldn’t get them out, so I ended up walking the next 1.8 miles, through the jungle, down muddy hills, barefoot. We were about ¼ of the way down and I stepped on a metal stake that was buried in the mud. I still kept carrying him on my shoulders, but the pain was pretty severe and I was leaving a blood trail down the muddy path. Before long the mud was so packed into the cut that it burned like hell, but at least the bleeding stopped. We walked a while further and I was able to soak my feet in the cold stream to wash the mud out of the cut on the bottom of my foot. Once we got ½ way down the hill, my son got so heavy on my shoulders that I just couldn’t carry him anymore and I was so thirsty I felt like I was foaming at the mouth with extreme cotton mouth. We worked our way ever so slowly down the path, but my feet were hurting so bad because of walking on rocks, sticks, and through hard walking woods with slippery mud. Once we got to the bottom of the trail we trespassed, on the person who owns a house back in the woods, driveway. You would think that walking barefoot down a driveway would feel better than walking over rocks, sticks, and through the mud, but this driveway felt like coarse sandpaper on my feet. By the time we made it back to the car I was so physically tired and dehydrated that when I drove to the nearest 7-11 to buy a bottle of water, I thought I was going to puke from drinking it so fast. On the drive home I called my Dad and he was laughing so hard that I knew this sounded like one of those stories my grandfather used to tell me.

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Thailand Crocodile Show

Dave

Today I went over to the Pattaya crocodile farm and watched a crocodile show. The only thing I can say is, “Holy Crap!” This guy climbed into a pit with a bunch of crocodiles. He then began to do things like open their mouths and stick his hand in it. Then he tapped their teeth with a stick and then this crazy bastard actually stuck his head in the crocodile’s mouth. Holy crap! I hope those crocs have already been fed. After he did that then he kept one of the crocodile’s mouth open and he took a run at the croc and slid to where his head was in the mouth. Holy Crap! After that he picked up a little croc and played it like a guitar. Holy Crap! It was exciting and definitely a good experience, however I wouldn’t want his job. He definitely earns his money doing shows like that. He is the 1st Thai Superman I have ever seen.

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2005 Superbowl Prediction

Dave

With the Superbowl coming up, now is the chance to make a prediction. This year the predictions should be extremely easy. As you may or may not know it is going to be the Philidelphia Eagles versus the New England Patriots. Now if we take a look at their past track records we can clearly see that the Eagles completely suck in the post season by usually dying in the first round, where as the Patriots have won the Superbowl 4 out of the past 5 years. This year the Superbowl seems like it is a given that the Patriots will win, however the Patriots never seem to completely destroy teams. They usually keep the scores pretty close. My final prediction is that the Patriots will beat the Eagles by a touchdown.

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C-130 Pilot’s Story

Dave

“There I was at six thousand feet over central Iraq, two hundred eighty knots and we”re dropping faster than Paris Hilton”s panties. It”s a typical September evening in the Persian Gulf; hotter than a rectal thermometer and I”m sweating like a priest at a Cub Scout meeting. But that”s neither here nor there. The night is moonless over Baghdad tonight, and blacker than a Steven King novel. But it”s 2004, folks, and I”m sporting the latest in night-combat technology – namely, hand-me-down night vision goggles (NVGs) thrown out by the fighter boys.”‘, ‘”Additionally, my 1962 Lockheed C-130E Hercules is equipped with an obsolete, yet, semi-effective missile warning system (MWS). The MWS conveniently makes a nice soothing tone in your headset just before the missile explodes into your airplane. Who says you can”t polish a turd?”

“At any rate, the NVGs are illuminating Baghdad International Airport like the Las Vegas Strip during a Mike Tyson fight. These NVGs are the cat”s ass. But I”ve digressed.”

“The preferred method of approach tonight is the random shallow. This tactical maneuver allows the pilot to ingress the landing zone in an unpredictable manner, thus exploiting the supposedly secured perimeter of the airfield in an attempt to avoid enemy surface-to-air-missiles and small
arms fire. Personally, I wouldn”t bet my pink ass on that theory but the approach is fun as hell and that”s the real reason we fly it.”

“We get a visual on the runway at three miles out, drop down to one thousand feet above the ground, still maintaining two hundred eighty knots. Now the fun starts. It”s pilot appreciation time as I descend the mighty Herk to six hundred feet and smoothly, yet very deliberately, yank into a sixty degree left bank, turning the aircraft ninety degrees offset from runway heading. As soon as we roll out of the turn, I reverse turn to the right a full two hundred seventy degrees in order to roll out aligned with the runway. Some aeronautical genius coined this maneuver the “Ninety/Two-Seventy.” Chopping the power during the turn, I pull back on the yoke just to the point my nether regions start to sag, bleeding off energy in order to configure the pig for landing.”

“Flaps Fifty!, Landing Gear Down!, Before Landing Checklist!” I look over at the copilot and he”s shaking like a cat shitting on a sheet of ice. Looking further back at the navigator, and even through the NVGs, I can clearly see the wet spot spreading around his crotch. Finally, I glance at
my steely-eyed flight engineer. His eyebrows rise in unison as a grin forms on his face. I can tell he”s thinking the same thing I am…. “Where do we find such fine young men?”

“Flaps One Hundred!” I bark at the shaking cat. Now it”s all aimpoint and airspeed. Aviation 101, with the exception there are no lights, I”m on NVGs, it”s Baghdad, and now tracers are starting to crisscross the black sky. Naturally, and not at all surprisingly, I grease the Goodyear”s on brick-one of runway 33 left, bring the throttles to ground idle and then force the props to full reverse pitch. Tonight, the sound of freedom is my four Hamilton Standard propellers chewing through the thick, putrid, Baghdad air. The huge, one hundred thirty thousand pound, lumbering whisper
pig comes to a lurching stop in less than two thousand feet. Let”s see a Viper do that!”

“We exit the runway to a welcoming committee of government issued Army grunts. It”s time to download thir beans and bullets and letters from their sweethearts, look for war booty, and of course, urinate on Saddam”s home. Walking down the crew entry steps with my lowest-bidder, Beretta 92F, 9 millimeter strapped smartly to my side, I look around and thank God, not Allah, I”m an American and I”m on the winning team. Then I thank God I”m not in the Army. Knowing once again I”ve cheated death, I ask myself, “What in the hell am I doing in this mess?” Is it Duty, Honor, and Country? You bet your ass. Or could it possibly be for the glory, the swag, and not to mention, chicks dig the Air Medal? There”s probably some truth there too. But now is not the time to derive the complexities of the superior, cerebral properties of the human portion of the aviator-man-machine model. It is however, time to get out of this shit-hole. “Hey copilot, clean yourself up! And how”s ”bout the ”Before Starting Engines Checklist.””

“God, I love this job!!”

[US/60]

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Signals of Excellence: The Story of Kadena’s Award-Winning 18th Communications Squadron

Dave

When I think back to my time stationed at Kadena Air Base in Okinawa, Japan, there are countless memories that come flooding in—long nights, high-pressure missions, and a camaraderie that was unlike anything else. But there’s one moment that stands out, not just because of the recognition it brought us, but because of what it represented about the dedication and precision of the team I was proud to be a part of. That moment was when the 18th Communications Squadron facility received the prestigious Defense Information Systems Agency award for best technical control facility in the Pacific. On paper, it might sound like a technical accolade—something bureaucratic or buried in the fine print of military communications—but in reality, it was the culmination of relentless effort, innovation, and a sense of responsibility to keep the lifelines of the military open and secure in one of the most critical regions of the world.

To understand the weight of this recognition, you first have to appreciate what a technical control facility actually is. In simple terms, a TCF is the nerve center of communications on a base. Every circuit, every connection, every channel that tied Kadena to the rest of the Pacific and beyond ran through our facility. We weren’t the ones flying the fighter jets or commanding ships across the ocean, but in many ways we were the ones ensuring those missions could even happen. A pilot can’t receive orders without secure channels. A commander can’t plan operations without reliable links. Troops can’t receive intelligence without signals being routed flawlessly. That was our world: a world of circuits, signals, redundancy, and an unspoken understanding that failure wasn’t an option.

DISA, the Defense Information Systems Agency, is the overseer of all things communication across the U.S. military. They don’t hand out awards lightly. Their job is to ensure that networks remain resilient, secure, and adaptable across every theater of operations, and when they take notice of a facility, it means that somewhere amid the hum of machines and the quiet diligence of technicians, excellence was achieved. For us at Kadena, that award didn’t just mean we were technically proficient—it meant that in the eyes of the agency that ensured the flow of information across the entire defense establishment, we had set a standard for the Pacific region.

Kadena itself is no ordinary base. Situated on Okinawa, it’s the crown jewel of U.S. air power in the Pacific. From its runways, fighters could scramble in moments, cargo planes could ferry supplies across oceans, and surveillance aircraft could patrol vast swaths of contested waters. But Kadena’s real strength was its ability to connect—connect the United States to Asia, connect commanders to their forces, connect the Pacific to Washington. Our communications infrastructure was the invisible scaffolding that held up all the visible displays of power. And at the heart of that infrastructure was our technical control facility.

The day we learned about the award, I remember the mix of pride and disbelief that filled the room. We weren’t in this for recognition. Most of the time, our work was thankless. If everything ran smoothly, nobody thought of us. If something went wrong, the finger-pointing would begin immediately. That’s the paradox of communications: success is invisible, failure is glaring. So when DISA singled us out for being the best in the Pacific, it was a validation that every unnoticed hour of troubleshooting, every sleepless night of testing circuits, every redundant backup system we put in place mattered. It meant we weren’t just keeping things running—we were setting a standard that others looked up to.

But awards don’t happen in isolation. They happen because of people. The 18th Communications Squadron wasn’t just a building full of racks, blinking lights, and cables. It was a collection of dedicated men and women who came from different backgrounds but shared a singular purpose. Some were seasoned veterans who had been through every kind of upgrade and system overhaul imaginable. Others were fresh arrivals, learning the ropes but bringing in new energy and ideas. We worked shoulder to shoulder, troubleshooting problems that sometimes seemed impossible, improvising when equipment failed, and sharing laughs in between crises that reminded us we were human, too. There was a kind of electricity in the room that wasn’t just from the circuits—it was from the people who believed in the mission.

The technical side of what we did was complex but fascinating. Our TCF handled countless circuits—voice, data, secure lines, satellite links—all of which had to be monitored, tested, and maintained. Redundancy was our religion. If one line failed, another had to take over instantly. That meant constant checks, constant drills, and constant fine-tuning of systems that couldn’t afford downtime. Technology in the military is always evolving, and at Kadena we were often on the cutting edge, implementing upgrades that brought new challenges as well as new capabilities. From analog systems of the past to the digital integration that was reshaping communications worldwide, we had to adapt quickly and flawlessly. That ability to transition smoothly, to bridge the gap between old and new while maintaining mission readiness, was one of the reasons DISA recognized us.

Still, the most compelling part of our story wasn’t the machines—it was the humans who interacted with them. Many of our colleagues were Okinawan locals, employed to work alongside us, blending their technical expertise with a cultural bridge that made our team stronger. There’s something remarkable about watching someone who grew up on that island working hand in hand with an American airman, both focused not on politics or cultural differences but on making sure a circuit tested clean or a system came back online. Those moments were a testament to the power of shared purpose.

The award itself was symbolic, but it also carried practical weight. Recognition from DISA meant more than a plaque—it meant resources, trust, and visibility. It meant that when new systems were being tested in the Pacific, Kadena was on the shortlist for implementation. It meant that our processes and practices would be studied, adapted, and replicated elsewhere. In a way, the award made us ambassadors of excellence. Other units would reach out, asking how we handled certain problems, and we’d share what worked. Our success became a ripple that extended far beyond Okinawa.

But beyond all the institutional impact, what stays with me is the personal pride. Walking into that facility after the award, everything felt a little different. The hum of the machines seemed like applause. The blinking lights on the racks seemed to nod in acknowledgment. And when we saw each other in the halls, there was a new lightness to our step. It wasn’t arrogance—it was pride. Pride that the long, often invisible work we did had been seen, understood, and celebrated.

Looking back now, I realize that moment was also a lesson. It taught me that excellence doesn’t require recognition, but when recognition comes, it’s worth pausing to savor. It taught me that even in the most technical, seemingly impersonal environments, human connection and dedication are the true differentiators. Machines can process signals, but it takes people to care enough to ensure those signals never fail. And it reminded me that history isn’t always written in grand battles or sweeping political changes—sometimes it’s written in a small facility on a distant island, where a group of dedicated individuals decided that nothing short of the best would do.

That award from DISA wasn’t just for the 18th Communications Squadron—it was for everyone who believes that invisible work matters. For everyone who knows that the strength of an operation depends not just on the planes in the air or the ships at sea, but on the circuits carrying information quietly and relentlessly across the world. For everyone who has ever labored in the background, unseen but indispensable. And for me personally, it was a reminder that no matter where life takes me, the lessons of that award—the dedication, the teamwork, the pursuit of excellence—will always stay with me.

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First Night in Okinawa

Dave


In 1996 I was new to the United States Air Force and just arrived in Okinawa a little after 11 PM, when I walked off the plane and met my sponsor for the first time. On the way driving back to base he was driving like a madman. He was cutting through traffic just to get stuck at the next stop light. This kept me on the edge of my seat for the duration of the drive, but I would learn not much longer after that, that is how people drive there.’, ‘After we got to base he took me to get some food from the dining facility and then to the dorms. After getting some food he took me to the dorms and showed me my room. It was literally a 10 foot by 10 foot by 10 foot room which I referred to as a closet. I mean shit, prison cells are bigger than this and I’m supposed to be serving my country. Anyway, I started unpacking my clothes when I heard somebody beating on my door. I had no idea who that could have been since the one and only person I knew there was my sponsor. I opened the door and there were 4 guys standing there. This short, but muscular guy, (whom I learned later his name was Joe) asked me, “Are you the new guy?” I said, “Yes.” He asked me, “Are you drunk?” I said, “No, I just got here and I’m not old enough to drink.” Then another one (whom I learned later everybody called, “Doughboy”) threw his car keys at me and said, “Good you can drive.” The other two’s names were Jarrod and Nate. After I informed him I didn’t have a Japanese driver’s license he said, “That’s ok, You’ll probably drive better than they do here anyway.” As we were walking out to the car Doughboy asked me if I knew how to drive a standard transmission car. I told him I did, but I don’t think it mattered. I would have been getting a crash course anyway. Then I walked around to the Nissan Skyline (Paul Newman edition) and before I could get in, the group told me the steering wheel was on the other side of the car. So I walked around the car and got in to drive.

As we were driving down the road there were 4 drunken guys in the car stuffing more beer in their pockets and continuously drinking as we were driving down the road. The drunken guys were attempting to give me directions of where we were going and telling me how to drive the car from the back seat. Once we managed to get to the Kadena air base USO, after stalling the car twice and making a couple wrong turns, we started walking out the gate. Once we got out the gate they were telling me about a curfew that is between 12 AM – 6 AM. They told me you’re not supposed to be in the gate 2 area between those times. Then they told me as long as you stay out until 6 AM that you can’t get caught. I decided this wasn’t such a good idea and I was getting tired from the long plan ride. I decided to walk back while they all went out and partied. I figured I wasn’t old enough to drink anyway, so I figured I couldn’t even get into the bar with them.

Without even thinking the situation through, I decided to walk back to the base. I got back on base before the curfew started and started walking down the street in the direction I came from. I made it a block when I noticed a cop car. I decided to ask them for directions because they may know a faster way back. I then had to explain the situation to the security police before they told me to hop in the car and they would give me a ride. The problem was I didn’t know what dorm I was staying in. So they drove me around for a while until we found the dorm. Now don’t forget I haven’t met my boss yet, I haven’t found out where I work yet, and the only person I know is my sponsor and I had no idea how to get a hold of him. After I made it back to the dorms I went back to my room and fell asleep.

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