An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, ‚ÄòSeven Points.’
His wife rolls over and says, ‘What in the world was that?’ The old man replied, ‘its fart football.’
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says ‚ÄòTouchdown, tie score.’
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, ‘Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.’
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, ‘Touchdown, tie score.’
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, ‘Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.’ Now the pressure is on the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally shits in the bed.
The wife says, ‘What the hell was that?’
The old man says, ‘Half time, switch sides.
A notable gynecologist once said, “The best engine in the world is the vagina.” It can be started with one finger. It is self-lubricating. It takes any size piston. And it changes its own oil every four weeks. It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking temperamental.
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap; I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”
She said, “You have the biggest penis of all your friends.”
Be glad it’s not your kid.
Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, ‘Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, ‘Here, try these on..”
She did and said, ‘These are too big. I can’t wear them.’
I replied, ‘Exactly… I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’ Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.
‘Hmmm,’ said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, ‘Here, try these on..’
She tried them on and said, ‘These are too large.. They don’t fit me.’
Mike said, ‘Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don’t want you to ever forget that.’
Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, ‘Here, you try on mine.’
Mike did and said, ‘I can’t get into your panties.’
Karen said, ‘Exactly. And if you don’t change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.’
This is quite touching.
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Deep stuff, huh?
I nearly cried when he said, ‚. .. . . . .. .. ‚ .. … . . …. ….‚
I went down to the International Toy Show at Tokyo Big Site in Odaiba. Tokyo Big Site is a building located in Odaiba in Tokyo, Japan. It is pretty cool because this was a huge event that had a ton of stuff. This would be like a COMIC-CON, but for toys and held in Tokyo. There was a ton of toys and some of them were really cool.
When I was leaving the International Toy Show I snapped a few extra photos of the Fuji Television building, Aqua City, and some ships in Tokyo bay. Here are those photos.
All these clothes are currently available at Walmart.
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her Birthday.
‘I’d like to be six again’, she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl
of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller
Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate
shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into the bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being six again?’
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. ‘I meant my dress size, you retard!’
Drove over to Yokosuka, Japan today. There is a Naval base over there. It is pretty neat to see. Here are some photos of that experience.
A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it’s a gay bar.
“What the heck,” he says to himself, “I really want a drink.”
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, “What’s the name of your willy?”
The cowboy says, “Look, I’m not into any of that. All I want is a drink.”
The gay waiter says, “I’m sorry bu t I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan ‘Just Do It.’ That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because ‘It really Satisfies.’ ”
The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, “Hey bud, what’s the name of yours?”
The man looks back and says with a smile, “TIMEX.” The thirsty cowboy asks, “Why Timex?” The fella proudly replies, “‘Cause it takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin!”
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella’s on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, “So, what do you guys call yours?”
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, “FORD, because ‘Quality is Job One’.” Then he adds, “Have you driven a Ford lately?”
The guy next to him then says, “I call mine CHEVY…..’Like a Rock!’” And gives a wink!
Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, “The name of my willy is SECRET.. Now give me a beer.”
The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, “Why Secret?”
The cowboy says, “Because it’s ‘STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN’!”
Due to the global war on terrorism, many terrorist organizations have had their finances frozen. Consequently, they have resorted to counterfeiting. The Canadians have considered to redesign their currency to prevent the radical Muslims from even touching it. It is also hoped that this will have a positive effect on tourism.
Muslim terrorists have to kill themselves if they see a naked woman, it’s a win/win for everybody.
A nurse, who has done a lot of research about dieting, has given information about the various popular diets including Atkins, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and the South Beach Diet. One diet about which you haven’t heard about previously, but which I insist works for almost everyone:
Drove over to Mount Fuji today. Here are some of the photos that were snapped along the way and different views from the volcano.
