Category: Humor

On their wedding night, the young bride Approached her new Husband and asked for $20.00 for their first Lovemaking encounter. In His highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more
Than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a Cute way for her to
Afford new clothes and other incidentals that She needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was Surprised to find
Her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that His employer Was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had Been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of
59, he’d be able to find Another position that paid anywhere near what He’d been earning , and Therefore, they Were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which Showed more than thirty
Years of steady deposits and interest totaling Nearly $1 million. Then she
Showed him certificates of deposits issued By the bank which were worth over $2 million, And informed him that they Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that For the more than Three decades she had “charged” him for sex, These holdings had multiplied And these were the Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments Worth over $3
Million, her husband was so astounded he could Barely speak, but
Finally he found his voice and blurted out, “If I’d had any idea what you
Were doing, I would have given you all my Business!”

That’s when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don’t know when
To keep their mouths shut.

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A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that. On their wedding night, she cowers
naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. “My darring,” he whispers, “I know dis your firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting – juss anyting you want. You juss ask… so… whatchu want?” he says, trying to sound experienced and
worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, “I want to try someting I have
heard about from other girls… Numbaa 69.”

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her…

“You want… Mushroom Chicken with steam vegetable????

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Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.Instead of characteristically telling me it’s not so, He uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

“If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds”.
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. “How long will this take?” I asked.

“They will grow larger over a period of years,” my husband replies.
I stopped. “Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?”
Without missing a beat he says, “Worked for your butt, didn’t it?”
He’s still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw for a very long time.
Stupid, stupid man.

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