Two buddies, Fred and Jerry, were getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Jerry throws up all over himself. ‘Oh, no… Now my wife will kill me!’
Fred says, ‘Don’t worry, pal. Just tuck a TWENTY in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you TWENTY dollars for the dry cleaning bill.’ So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually Jerry stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. ‘You reek of alcohol and you’ve puked all over yourself! My God, you’re disgusting!’
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Jerry says, Nowainaminit, I can e’splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jewthink. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got sick on me…he had one too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor. He said he’s was berry sorry an’ gave meTWENTIES bucks for the cleaning bill!’
His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, ‘But this is FORTY BUCKS.’
‘Oh, yeah… I almos’ fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too.’