Category: Humor

Never Lie to Momma

Dave

Mrs. Gonzalez comes to visit her son Jose for dinner. Jose lives with a female roommate, Maria. During the course of the meal, Mama can’t help but notice how pretty Jose’s roommate is. She had long been suspicious of the relationship between the two, and this made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between her son, Jose and his roommate than meets the eye. Reading his Mom’s thoughts, Jose volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mama, Maria and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Maria comes to Jose saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?” “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll e-mail her, just to be sure.” So he sends his Mom an email:’, ‘Dear Mama,
I’m not saying that you took the sugar bowl from my house, and I’m not saying that you didn’t take it.
But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Jose

Several days later, Jose receives an email response from his Mama:

Mijo,
I’m not saying that you ”do” sleep with Maria, and I’m not saying that you ”do not” sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mama

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Admiral Introductions

Dave

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they’re airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, “Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons.”

After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, “Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons, both Judges.”

After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, “Master Chief Gunnery Sergeant, United States Marines, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals.

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Crusty Old Naval Chief

Dave

“Well,” snarled the tough old Navy chief to the bewildered seaman, “I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and “P” on my grave.”

“Not me, Chief!” the seaman replied. “Once I get out of the Navy, I’m never going to stand in line again!”

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Air Force Members Getting Shaved

Dave

An Air Force chief master sergeant and a general officer were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The general shouted, “Hey, don’t put that stuff on me! My wife will think I’ve been in a whorehouse!”

The chief turned to his barber and said, “Go ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”

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Filing Taxes

Dave

A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says: “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc, and then asks, “What is your occupation?”

“I’m a whore,” she says.

The accountant balks and says, “No, No, No, that won’t work. That is too gross. Let’s try to rephrase that.”

The woman says, “OK., I’m a high-end call girl.”

“No, that is still too crude. Try again.”

They both think for a minute, then the woman says, “I’m an elite chicken farmer.”

The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore & call girl? “Well, I raised over a thousand little peckers last year.”

He replies: “Good enough.”

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New prescription?

Dave

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila.

Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you”re ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila. ‘, ‘Tequila may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila. However, women who wouldn”t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

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Holy Bathroom Light

Dave

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, “George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

George replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he”s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light goes on. When I”m done, poof! the light goes off.”

“Wow, that”s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls George”s wife. “Ethel,” he says, “George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I”m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he”s done, poof! the light goes off?”

“Oh my God!” Ethel exclaims. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

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Two Fleas

Dave

Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation.
Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he”s shivering and shaking.

The other flea asks him, “Why are you shaking so badly?”

The first flea says, “I rode down here from New Jersey in the mustache of a guy on a Harley.”

The other flea responds saying,” That”s the worst way to travel. Try what I do. Go to the New Jersey airport bar. Have a few drinks. While you are there, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle in where it”s warm and cozy. It”s the best way to travel that I can think of.”

The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter.
A year goes by….. When the first flea shows up in Miami he is shivering and shaking again.

The second flea says, “Didn”t you try what I told you?”

“Yes,” says the first flea, “I did exactly as you said. I went to the New Jersey airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up to her warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was back in the mustache of a guy on a Harley.

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500 dollars

Dave

A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man.

The man said, “I want to have sex with you right now! I’ll drop 500 dollars on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I will screw you from behind and be on my way!”

The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man’s proposition.

Her girlfriend said ” When he drops the $500 on the ground I’m sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened.”

An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. “What happened?” the girlfriend asked.

The lady said “That Son-Of-A-bitch had $500 in quarters.”

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Plastic Garbage Bags

Dave

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There’s a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her….”Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag…”
“Damn!” says the little old lady…..”I’d better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!”
“Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop. “How did you get all that money?” ” Did you steal it?”
“Oh, no”, says the little old lady. “You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium.
Each time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!”
“So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!”
“Hey, not a bad idea!” laughs the cop. “OK, good luck! By the way, what’s in the other bag?”
“Well”, says the little old lady, “not all of them pay.”

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Rectum Stretcher

Dave

While she was “flying” down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, “What’s your hurry?”
To which she replied, “I’m late for work.”
“Oh yeah,” said the cop, “what do you do?”
I’m a rectum stretcher,” she responded.
The cop stammered, “A what ?
A rectum stretcher?
And just what does a rectum stretcher do?”
“Well,” she said, “I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it’s about 6 feet wide.”
“And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?” he asked.
“You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge…”‘, ‘Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs $45.00
Look on the Cop’s Face……………PRICELESS

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8 Ways to Determine A Gay Guy

Dave

1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay – it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog…. “Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!” Now think about how you call a cat…”Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!” Jeeezus, you’re fit to be framed, you’re so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably gay.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a “Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim” and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you’ve had NutraSweet in your mouth, you’ve had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors, or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a “fressier” is you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are most certainly gay.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs
that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his little soldier in the passenger seat.

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man.

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Kids Say the Darndest Things

Dave

Jack (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: “Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?”

Melanie (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, “If you don”t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.”

Steven (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. “I love you so much, that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.”

Brittany (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she”d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it”s me?

Susan (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. “Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said, “It makes my teeth cough.”

D I (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: “How much do I cost?”

Marc (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: “Why is he whispering in her mouth?”

Clinton (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, “I don’t know what”ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?”

James (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” Concerned, James asked: “What happened to the flea?”

Tammy (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, “Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget….this particular Sunday sermon…”Dear Lord,” the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. “Without you, we are but dust.” He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, “Mom, what is butt dust?”

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Yearly visit to the Doctor

Dave

I went into my proctologist’s office for my first rectal exam. His new nurse, Elaine, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me.

She said that he would only be a few minutes.

After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down.

While waiting I observed that there were three items on a stand next to
the exam table:

1. a Tube of K-Y jelly
2. a rubber glove
3. and a beer.

When the doctor finally came in I said, “Look Doc, I”m a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?”

At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse…….

Darn it ELAINE!!!!!!!!!!!

I said a BUTT LIGHT”

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Birth Control Pills for Grandma

Dave

A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.
‘, “Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?” “Yes, they help me sleep at night.” “Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!” She reached out and patted the young Doctor’s knee. “Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks……………………………. And believe me, it helps me sleep at night.”

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If You’re Going to Live in the South, Know These Rules

Dave

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It”s called a “gravel road. ” No matter how slow you drive, you”re
going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. The red dirt — it”s called clay. Red clay. If you like the color
don”t wash your car for a couple weeks — it”ll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don”t cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little
13-inch trout you fish for — bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making
their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it”s not up
to your ear at the time.

8. No, there”s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak.
Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef”s Salad and pick off the two
pounds of ham and turkey.

9. Tea – yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is
sweet. You want it hot — sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened — add
a lot of water.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice.’, ‘
11. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We”re real impressed. We
have a quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a
year.

12. Let”s get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
when it”s red. We may even stop when it”s yellow.

13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat
(yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go
to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors
with “yes, sir” and “yes, ma”am, ” and we sometimes still take Sunday drives
around town to see friends and neighbors.

14. We don”t do “hurry up” well.

15. Greens – yeah, we have greens, but you don”t putt on them. You
boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.

16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream and carp. You really want sushi
and caviar? It”s available at the bait shop.

17. They are pigs. That”s what they smell like. Get over it. Don”t
like it? Interstate 85 goes two ways – Interstate 40 goes the other two.
Pick one.

18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper
on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of
Wheat – go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.

19. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season or dove
season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage
before daylight at the church on either day.

20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it”s called being
friendly. Understand the concept?

21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don”t hit in the water hazards. It
spooks the fish and bothers the gators – and if you hit it in the rough, we
have these things called diamondbacks, and they”re not baseball players.

22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
like an idiot — his name is “Sir, ” no matter how young he is.

23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You
park your Navigator under them, and they”ll leave a logo on your hood.

24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No
questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature — all four of
them — enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2. 50 fine for
beating up the flag burner.

25. No, we don”t care how you do things up North. If it is so great
up there, why not visit a Northern state or stay there? And no, down here,
we don”t have an accent, you do.

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Military Wisdom

Dave

“A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what”s left of your unit.”

– Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance.’, ‘

————————————————————————–
“Aim towards the Enemy.”
– Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
————————————————————————–
“When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
– U.S. Marine Corps
————————————————————————–
“Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground.”
– USAF Ammo Troop
————————————————————————–
“If the enemy is in range, so are you.”
– Infantry Journal
————————————————————————–
“It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.”
– U.S. Air Force Manual
————————————————————————–
“Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.”
– General Macarthur
————————————————————————–
“Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.”
– Infantry Journal
————————————————————————–
“You, you, and you … Panic. The rest of you, come with me.”
– U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
————————————————————————–
“Tracers work both ways.”
– U.S. Army Ordnance
————————————————————————–
“Five second fuses only last three seconds.”
– Infantry Journal
————————————————————————–
“Don”t ever be the first, don”t ever be the last, and don”t ever volunteer to do anything.”
– U.S. Navy Swabbie
————————————————————————–
“Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid.”
– David Hackworth
————————————————————————–
“If your attack is going too well, your walking into an ambush.”
– Infantry Journal
————————————————————————–
“No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.”
– Joe Gay
————————————————————————–
“Any ship can be a minesweeper … once.”
– Anonymous
————————————————————————–
“Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.”
– Unknown Marine Recruit
————————————————————————–
“Don”t draw fire; it irritates the people around you.”
– Your Buddies
————————————————————————–
“If you see a bomb technician running, follow him.”
– USAF Ammo Troop
————————————————————————–
“Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death … I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing.”
– At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan
————————————————————————–
“You”ve never been lost until you”ve been lost at Mach 3.”
– Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
————————————————————————–
“The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.”

————————————————————————–
“Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.”
– From an old carrier sailor
————————————————————————–
“If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.”

————————————————————————–
“When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.”

————————————————————————–
“Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.”

————————————————————————–
“What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, …. the pilot dies.”

————————————————————————–
“Never trade luck for skill.”

————————————————————————–
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
“Why is it doing that?”,
“Where are we?”
and “Oh Shit!”

————————————————————————–
“Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.”

————————————————————————–
“Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.”

————————————————————————–
“Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.”

————————————————————————–
“A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.”

————————————————————————–
“I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.”

————————————————————————–
“Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!”

————————————————————————–
“Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.”

————————————————————————–
“Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.”

————————————————————————–
“When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.”

————————————————————————–
“Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.”

————————————————————————–
Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: “When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible.”

————————————————————————–
“The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.”
– Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
————————————————————————–
“A pilot who doesn”t have any fear probably isn’t flying his plane to its maximum.”
– Jon McBride, astronaut
————————————————————————–
“If you”re faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.”
– Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
————————————————————————–
“Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.”

————————————————————————–
“There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.”
– Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
————————————————————————–
“If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.”

————————————————————————–
Basic Flying Rules: “Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.”

————————————————————————–
“You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.”

————————————————————————–
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks “What happened?”.
The pilot”s reply: “I don”t know, I just got here myself!”
– Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

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A Christmas Story

Dave

Twas the night before Christmas–Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of “Thanks Santa”–what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money–The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes–if that ain’t damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days–they all are the pits
They want the impossible–Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls…Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo’s–No request for them,
They want computers and robots…they think – I’m IBM!

Flying through the air…dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I’m quitting this job there’s just no enjoyment
I’ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There’s no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I’m going SOUTH for the season.

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Too Little Info – Too Late

Dave

They enjoyed each other’s company very much and at the end of the evening. Sharon invited Jim to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together. Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other. After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Jim’s manhood. Surprised but appreciative, Jim comments, “Surely you can’t be ready for more already?” Sharon replies, “No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had my own.

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