Category: Sports

Humor Sports

Minnesota Vikings

Dave

The Minnesota Highway Patrol is cracking down on speeders heading into Minneapolis.

For the first offense, they give you 2 Vikings tickets.
If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Minnesota Vikings

Q. What do the Vikings and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ”.

Q. How do you keep a Minnesota Viking out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.

Q. What do you call a Minnesota Viking with a Super Bowl ring?
A. An Imposter.

Q. What’s the difference between the Minnesota Viking and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. How many Minnesota Vikings does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody Knows

Q. What do the Vikings and a possum have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

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Humor Sports

2011 Football Scouting Report

Dave

Wayfron P. Jackson:
6′ 6″, 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from Texas in the last ten years. Loves rap music. Will demand a mini-cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most “you knows” during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can print his complete name. Signed with Tennessee.

Quinticious Jenkins:
6′ 3″, 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state scoring record out of Triton High School , Dunn , N.C. Also led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19″ TV under each arm. Signed with Auburn.

Roosevelt “Dude” Dansell:
6′ 1″, 195 lbs. Running Back. From Tyler , Texas. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well. Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as “red brick.” Signed with the University of Houston.

Woodrow Lee Washington:
6′ 8″, 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 4th generation welfare family. At 19 he’s the oldest of 21 children. Mother claims Woodrow and child No. 9 have same father. He has a manslaughter trial pending, but feels he will be found innocent because: “The dude said somethin’ bad ’bout my Momma.” On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q.. as 20/20. Signed with the University of Oklahoma.

Willie “Night Train” Smith:
6’4″, 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old. Thinks the “N” on Nebraska’s helmets stands for “Nowledge,” but still meets this school’s stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing No. 32 jersey since it matches his score on his SAT’s. Signed with the University of Alabama.

Tyrone “Python” Peoples:
6’10”, 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9 victims will file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six colleges. Likes wild women and red Cadillac’s. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company. Signed with University of Miami.

Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali:
6’10”, 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball under the name Sylvester Lee Jones until he discovered religion. Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville. Doesn’t know the meaning of the word “fear.” (Doesn’t know the meaning of many other words, either.) Signed with the University of Florida.

Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above signees in their track programs. However, instead of using a starting gun at track meets, the NCAA has now agreed to use a burglar alarm.

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SlamFest

Dave

I got a ticket to go to the SlamFest that is being held on Camp Zama, Japan. This is like the Japanese WWE wrestling. It was a cool event that was put on for the United States and Japanese military and their families. It was a lot of fun and had some (quite literally) big stars. After the event they were signing autographs and shaking hands. It was definitely a really cool event and here are my photos of this experience.

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Humor Sports

Bass Pro Shop

Dave

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get; so she grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark glasses.

She says, ‘Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?’

He says, ‘Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.’

She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, ‘That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB test line. It’s a good all around combination and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.

‘It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter’, she says. “I’ll take it!” As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

‘Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,’ he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally “toots”. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.

The clerk rings up the sale and says, ‘That’ll be $34.50 please.’

The woman is totally confused and says, ‘Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?’

He says, ‘Yes, Ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.

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Sports

2008 Sugar Bowl Results: Georgia 41 – Hawaii 10

Dave

Well, well, Hawaii went to the Sugar Bowl and played Georgia. Ummm‚ there isn’t much to be said, Georgia handed Hawaii‘s ass to them on a silver Cajun platter. This game was over at halftime. One of the most comical parts of the whole game was when Hawaii knew they were done for, so they pulled Colt Brennan out of the game to put in backup quarterback Tyler Graunke. It was Graunke who threw a pass to score the only touchdown of the day for Hawaii. After the touchdown was scored, the cameras showed Colt Brennan on the sideline hanging his head. Now that was funny. The bottom line to this whole ordeal is that’s if you want to be the best, you need to play the best.  By playing  half-assed teams, Hawaii wasn’t even close to being ready to be playing for anything close to the National Championship. It seems that there are a lot of optimists out there who believe Hawaii was going to win the bowl game. Don’t forget that this was the University of Hawaii‘s 1st ever BCS bowl game and Georgia put one hell of a beating on them with a final score of 41-10.

I’ve heard a lot of complaining of how Michigan State bought their way out of their contract instead of playing Hawaii and how Michigan turned them down. What’s the point? USC, LSU, and even Appalachian State turned Hawaii down also. Teams in the BCS are ranked based upon their strength of schedule. Playing teams like Hawaii doesn’t put you in the hunt for the National Championship. Until teams like the University of Hawaii are consistent enough to win bowl games, other teams will not take them seriously. That will definitely take this organization many years to achieve. They should start by taking the money they received by losing in the Sugar Bowl and actually putting it to good use, like upgrading their facilities. By having 2nd rate facilities, its no wonder why nobody wants to come to the University to play sports. Until that happens UH can keep struggling their way through the “Weak Ass Conference” (WAC) and pissing and moaning about how other teams are making headlines.

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Sports

2008 Capitol One Bowl: Michigan 41 – Florida 35

Dave

The 2007 NCAA football season had many ups and downs for the University of Michigan. Starting out the season being unprepared for Appalachian State and then turning around and getting spanked by Oregon at home definitely was not the way any team would want to start out their year. Following those two games the University of Michigan went 7-0 and then ended the season losing to both Wisconsin and Ohio State. Upon the close out of the regular season, Lloyd Carr announced his retirement as head coach of the Wolverines. Despite all of that the Michigan Wolverines ended up going to a non-BCS Capitol One bowl against the 9th ranked University of Florida.

Prior to the start of the Capitol One bowl, I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect from Michigan due to their up and down season, having over a month off to rest, and also with their terrible bowl standings in the past 6 years. This year it seemed that Lloyd Carr actually did his homework and laid down his pride of playing conservative to actually be aggressive and put the pressure on the Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow. Michigan had numerous sacks and when Florida did move the ball it was typically for huge gains. Everything seemed to be going very well for Michigan with their game plan until there was less than 2 minutes to go in the game. Michigan had the ball within the Florida 30-yard line and instead of going for a 1st down and attempting to score. Lloyd decided to try to run out the clock. They ran 3 run plays, which Florida stopped virtually dead in their tracks. Then with about 1:15 to go on the clock, Michigan kicked a field goal, which put them up by 6 points. I don’t know, maybe it is different philosophies of playing aggressive, but I would not feel comfortable with only a 6 point lead and still over a minute to go in the game with the Heisman Trophy winner having the ball back in his hands. Fortunately for Michigan, their defensive line got pressure on Tebow to pull off the victory. The final score in the 2008 Capitol One Bowl; Michigan 41, Florida 35.

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Sports

So Sick of Hearing About the University of Hawaii

Dave

Ever since December 1st, 2007 it seemed that every commercial on local t.v. was that the University of Hawaii warriors went 12-0 on the season. It is now December 31st, 2007 and I am so sick of hearing about how great the University of Hawaii is. This is the 1st year ever that they went 12-0. This is the 1st time ever they will go to a BCS bowl game. Yes, the University of Hawaii should be proud of their achievements, but they are not a great team. Here is the reasons why. The only ranked team they’ve played all year was Boise State University. The University of Hawaii has never been to a BCS bowl game. The University of Hawaii is a typical “west coast” team. Stereotypically a west coast team takes the philosophy of 100% all offensive power and absolutely zero defense. Hawaii’s defense banks on that if they can get 1 or maybe 2 stops a game, they can win the game because the offense will outscore the other team. As the rest of the United States knows, defense wins. One of Hawaii’s weaknesses is that they are too much of an emotional team. When playing against weak teams all year in the Western Athletic Conference, otherwise known as the Weak Ass Conference, they are just not prepared to compete at the national level. The deciding factor of this argument will be how they will actually perform against the University of Georgia in the Sugar Bowl in New Orlean’s, Louisiana on January 1st, 2008. We have to wait until then to find out.

Go Georgia!

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The University of Michigan Women’s Volleyball Sweeps the Oregon State University

Dave

Today I watched the University of Michigan Sweep Oregon State University in 3 games to win the ASICS Rainbow Wahine Invitational Tournament. This game was not as exciting as the game against the University of Hawaii last night, but it was good to see that the University of Michigan is still undefeated.

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The University of Michigan Women’s Volleyball Upsets #10 Ranked University of Hawaii

Dave

This morning I was talking with a guy from work and he informed me that there is a season opening tournament for the University of Hawaii women’s volleyball. He also informed me that UH is playing the University of Michigan for their opening game. Once I heard that I knew I had to go to the game to support the University of Michigan. Prior to going to the game I looked up the rankings and statistics for both teams. The University of Hawaii is ranked #10 in the nation and the University of Michigan isn’t even ranked. The University of Michigan is ranked #6 in the Big Ten rankings. With that in mind I knew I still had to go support the University of Michigan because it will probably be the only Michigan team I will be able to cheer for this year in person.

I drove down to the Stan Sheriff Center at the University of Hawaii campus in Manoa. The 1st game of the night was Colorado State University against Oregon State University. This game went to 5 games and Oregon State University upset Colorado State University. After that game UH played UM. Out of the 7,343 people present at the stadium watching the games there was only about 20 or 25 that were there supporting the University of Michigan and I was one of them wearing my Michigan t-shirt and being surrounded by a bunch of fans from the University of Hawaii. Prior to the start of the game it looked like the University of Hawaii was pumped up and ready to play and the University of Michigan looked like they were just not as ready during warm-ups. Surprisingly the University of Michigan came out and won the 1st game 30 to 14. The 2nd game Michigan won as well 30 to 28. The 3rd game the University of Hawaii won 30 to 22. During the 4th game the University of Michigan was up by 5 point with a score of 27 to 22 and the University of Hawaii went on a run to win with a final score of 30 to 27. This game went into a 5th game to 15. This final game was real exciting because UH and UM kept switching the lead, but at the end the University of Michigan ended up upsetting the University of Hawaii with a final score of 18 to 16. It was really exciting and well worth it to go support the University of Michigan and watch the games. If you ever get a chance to go, I recommend trying the garlic fries while watching the games. The fries are killer.

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Sports

Monday Night Football: Washington Redskins beat the Dallas Cowboys

Dave

Monday night football resulted with the Washington Redskins beating the Dallas Cowboys 14-13. Now not to much surprise this really wasn’t an exciting game. This game seemed to have a combination of strong defenses and conservative play calling that led to the non exciting performances, not to mention the temperature on the field of play was about 100 degree F. Basically to sum up the game Dallas scored a field goal in the 2nd quarter. The score at halftime was 3-0 Dallas was up. Then in the opening minutes of the 3rd quarter Dallas came out to score a quick touchdown. In the 4th quarter Dallas scored another field goal and then with about 4 minutes left in the game the Redskins scored their 1st touchdown on a 39 yard pass from Mark Brunell to Santana Moss and then with 3 minutes and 46 seconds left the Redskins scored on a 79 yard pass from Brunell to Moss. It was awesome to see the Redskins beat the Cowboys, but the performance in their offense needs to definitely step up their game.

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Sports

University of Southern California football vs the University of Hawaii

Dave

Saturday was the football game where the number 1 University of Southern California played the University of Hawaii. It was well known that the game was not going to be close and that was predicted by a 35 point spread for those gambling people. USC had most of their returning players, while the UH football team lost 30 of it”s players last year. UH did however pick up Jerry Glandville to compliment June Jones coaching.’, ‘The disappointing factor of this game was that there seemed to be no overwhelming dominance by USC. Granted USC scored 63 points by the end of the game, but the spark of excitement in the Aloha stadium just seemed to be lacking. An estimated total of 15,000 USC fans attended the game and the game was televised. The overwhelming size difference between the USC and UH players was definitely a big factor.

All in all the game was fun to go tailgate and watch, but there just seemed to be some lacking excitement. That was probably due to Hawaii knowing they were defeated prior to opening kickoff.

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University of Southern California against University of Hawaii Football Game

Dave

Went to the University of Southern California against the University of Hawaii football game today. This was a fun game because USC has Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush with a whole bunch of other good players. The University of Hawaii had Colt Brennan. The game was not even close from the start. The high performance of the artificial turf of the Aloha stadium really helped facilitate the speed of this game. It was a complete romp all in USC’s favor with a final score of 62 to 17. Here are photos of the event.

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Sports

2005 college football Hawaii vs Michigan State

Dave

In 2004, the University of Hawaii with their superstars of Timmy Chang and Chad Owens, beat Michigan State in Hawaii. For the 2005 season, Hawaii will have to find 30 new member replacements for their losses of players they suffered in 2004. This year Hawaii is going to Michigan. It will be nice to watch Michigan State kick the living hell out of Hawaii and let these crappy WAC teams know they just aren’t on the same level as schools in other conferences.

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Sports

Despite the Score the Washington Redskins Beat the Dallas Cowboys

Dave

I don”t care what that final score was, the Washington Redskins beat the Dallas Cowboys. I”ll do a little recap for you. The first quarter (to set up Dallas”s first touchdown) Washington was called for a pass interference which was clearly offensive pass interference on Dallas. The Dallas receiver pushed the Washington cornerback down. That”s offensive pass interference! In the second quarter Joe Gibbs made a couple bad play calls when Washington had a 1st and goal on the 1 yard line. They ended up only scoring a field goal. So the score should have been 3 – 0 Washington at half time. Then Dallas scored 2 touchdowns in the 3rd quarter and Washington only scored 1. That put the game at 14 – 10 at the end of 3 quarters. Finally in the 4th quarter with about 8:30 seconds left on the clock Mark Brunell passed to Rod Gardner where he was clearly interfered with as the Cowboy cornerback held his jersey and once again a bad officiating call or shall I say a no call in this case. Regardless of that Washington scored a touchdown with about 4 minutes on the clock, followed by the 2 point conversion putting the Redskins 18 -14 over the cowboys. This game had some bad officating calls and even though the offical score was 21 – 18 cowboys lead. Washington got the ball back with 29 seconds on the clock and the final pass to Rod Gardner put the Redskins at the 34 yard line. Rod Garner, however could not get out of bounds when he caught the ball with 4 seconds on the clock when the time expired.’, ‘Washington looked better than they have in the past during this game. It took Mark Brunell a little time to get in a rythm, but once he did Washington was able to move the ball, as they showed in the final seconds of the game. It is truely sad to see bad officiating be the reason for the Cowboys victory.

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Redskins Downed by the Giants

Dave

On Sunday the Washington Redskins were defeated by the New York Giants 20 – 14. During this game Mark Brunell left the game with a pulled muscle and throwing 1 interception. Then the infamous Patrick Ramsey stepped into the game and threw 3 more interceptions. All in all the Redskins had 7 turnovers. That is a great lesson of how not to win games. If you want to win some games you”ve got to keep the turnovers to a minimun as well as the penalties. It also helps to convert on 3rd downs. It was a win for the Giants and if the Redskins want to have a good season they really need to solve their quarterback problem.

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Sports

Redskins Downed by the Pathers

Dave

The Washington Redskins lost to the Carolina Panthers 23 to 20 in overtime. The Redskins started Patrick Ramsey, which I believe I said he needs to be the 3rd string quarterback as he proved once again as he only completed 4 of 11 passes for 62 yards and 1 interception. Mark Brunell took over for Ramsey and he finished the game completing 6 of 15 passes for 119 yards. I didn”t get to watch the game, but I assume by the score and the fact they went into overtime that it was a close game. Perhaps Washington will get something worked out with their quarterback problem.

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