Getting Old
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Category: Humor
Replacement Windows
The author recently replaced their home’s windows with energy-efficient models and received a call from the contractor regarding an unpaid balance.
Darwin Awards
Here is the glorious winner: 1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the…
A Loving Grandpa
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit…
Just a Wee Bit….
“An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare. With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman. Shortly there after he met…
Confucius Say…
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What’s With All The Feathers?
A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian chief, asked the significance of the varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses. “Feathers show number of sexual partners,” the chief replied. Indicating a nearby young brave, he continued, “Him? One woman, one…
Vive la France
This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk. The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that…
Walking on the Grass
The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself,…
Presidents Day
I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her,What day is tomorrow?” Without skipping a beat she said, “It’s Presidents Day!” She’s smart, so I asked her “What does Presidents Day mean?” I was waiting for something…
The Man Who Gave up Sex for Golf
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. “Boy, I’d give anything to sink this putt,” the golfer mumbles to himself. Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and…
A Political Paws: Pelosi, Reid, and the Unlikely Texas Tale
Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, “Harry, I have a plan to win back the hearts of voters in Middle America in 2014!” “Great Nancy, but how?” asked Harry. “We’ll get some cheap, tacky…
Do Elephants Remember?
In 1972, Joe Miller was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Tulsa Junior College. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed,…
Texas State Police Are Cracking Down on Speeders
The Texas State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into Dallas. For the first offense, they give you 2 Dallas Cowboy tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them. Q. What do you call…
Male Logic: Critical Thinking At Its Best!
A man revealed he spends approximately $5400 annually on beer, consuming three beers daily at a cost of $5 each, including a tip, and has been doing so for roughly 20 years.
Bar Room Logic
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let’s all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. Armand’s Pizza, Washington, DC Fighting for peace is like Screwing for virginity. The…
Christmas 2013
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Christmas Lights
This Is Why I Don’t Put Christmas Lights On A Palm Tree. Related Posts Christmas lights From Pines to Stockings: Unearthing the Stories Behind Christmas Traditions Have You Ever Wondered Where the Christmas Tree Came From?