Husband’s Text Message to wife
Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife’s Response:
Who’s Paula?
During the summer there are many festivals, fairs, parties, and other fun events to attend. If you happen to run across the funnel cake, stay away! The funnel cake is evil. It is so yummy that you just can’t stay away. There is something about that fragrence in the air that just draws you in and once you try it, you’re addicted.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90’s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it,
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a card board box filled with photos and glassware..
‘Would you carry my bag out to the car?’ she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness. ‘It’s nothing’, I told her. ‘I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.’
‘Oh, you’re such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, ‘Could you drive through downtown?’
‘It’s not the shortest way,’ I answered quickly..
‘Oh, I don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. ‘I don’t have any family left,’ she continued in a soft voice.
What route would you like me to take?’ I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds
Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, ‘I’m tired. Let’s go now’.
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
‘How much do I owe you?’ She asked, reaching into her purse.
‘Nothing,’ I said
‘You have to make a living,’ she answered.
‘There are other passengers,’ I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life. We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware – beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
You may have noticed in the news lately where the media has been discussing the California sever drought and water crisis. There are commercials that tell residents of California to conserve water and this affects everybody. I have heard that the majority of water consumption for the state of California is between the state government and commercial business and that only 5% is being consumed by consumers. I don’t know weather that is true or not, however I do know that California is an expensive state to live in. I haven’t been able to put a finger on exactly why it is so expensive. Now I know the answer why. This past weekend I drove up the I-5 to San Francisco and somewhere north of Los Angeles around Bakersfield all the way up to east of San Jose I found a huge issue why the state of California is so darn expensive to live in.
Here are some photos of what I saw along the way:
Before long I started seeing signs along the roadway. Here are some of the signs I’ve seen:
I couldn’t believe what I saw. I saw signs stating that they need water to grow crops. One sign actually said, “millions paid and no water delivered.” I thought this was just the craziest thing I’ve seen. Why would anybody be trying to grow crops in this desert like area? I thought this would be a must better place to have solar or wind farms. It would be an excellent way to produce large amounts of electricity on land where much isn’t growing…well, I was surprised again. Before long I actually seen that fresh water was being pumped to this part of the state so that crops could grow. Here are the photos of the canal where water was being pumped.
Sure enough a little further down the road I saw farms that were growing everything from corn, to oranges, lemons, apples, wheat, almonds, and lots of other crops. Here are those photos:
Would you believe that they were actually raising cattle where the water was being pumped to? Here are those photos:
The weird thing was that in places where water wasn’t being pumped to, it was clear that things don’t grow there and here are some of those photos:
Now I don’t know whether it was a crack head, a hippie, or a politician who decided to have taxpayers pay millions and millions of dollars to pump precious California water to a desert area in order to grow crops, but I can assure you that the entire United States of America is not short on growing plenty of crops to feed the entire United States. It is very wasteful to pump water to this area of California in order to try to make things grow. I am actually really curious as to how much water is being lost by evaporation. I would guess that a high percentage of it is, since these water canals aren’t covered and water can freely evaporate. It would make a lot more sense for this area of California to put solar farms to provide energy that can be transmitted to other parts of the United States and have crops shipped to California. The electrical infrastructure is already here where these farms are. If you look in the background of some of the photos you will see power lines. It seems to me that the real water crisis is how the government of California is wasting the water. This is just one more reason why I can’t listen to the state of California’s government telling me to conserve water, while they are being so wasteful. I just can’t take the California drought seriously.
On this Memorial Day 2015, remembering all who served and paid the ultimate price for the United States.
In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?”
“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied, “Before you tell me I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”
‘Triple filter?” asked the acquaintance.
“That’s right,” Socrates continued, “Before you talk to me about Diogenes let’s take a moment to filter what you’re going to say.. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”
“No,” the man said, “Actually I just heard about it.”
“All right,” said Socrates, “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?”
“No, on the contrary…”
“So,” Socrates continued, “You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you’re not certain it’s true?”
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, “You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?”
“No, not really.”
“Well,” concluded Socrates, “If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?”
The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was shagging his wife.
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore”.
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, “Nobody move!”. When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, “Because I don’t believe you are over 21”. The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn’t believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747’s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled.
A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers.
Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said:-“I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”
The agent replied: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first; and then I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”
The passenger was unimpressed.
He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear: “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. “May I have your attention, please?”, she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
“We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14.”
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said: “F*** You!”
Without flinching, she smiled and said: “I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to get in line for that, too.”
Ratheon XOS 2 is a second generation exoskeleton design for US army use. It allows the wearer to enhance his strength to carry heavy equipment much easier and for much longer.
The world’s first virtual shopping center opened in Korea. All the products are just LCD screens that allow you to order the items by touching the screen. When you get to the counter, your items are already bagged and ready to go.
A cellphone you can bend as much as you like and it will still do everything a smart phone does.
Your personal computer ring can play music, check your email, give you alerts and even allows you to browse or chat with others.
This man is demonstrating the ability of his prosthetic eye, which has a camera installed in it.
No longer using the camping stove just for cooking, a new line of camping stoves use the heat energy to power up lights and charge your phones or anything else you can charge by USB cable.
This trash can follows you around and calculates where to stand to catch your thrown garbage!
This motion tracking table morphs its surface to mimic your movements, allowing you to control objects from the other side of the planet if you so choose.
This windowed door turns opaque whenever you lock it.
This incredible app translates signs from video and in real time!
The new ‘Google Fiber’ has started deploying, and will offer users an internet connection that is about 100 times faster than what they are currently using.
When did car panels start looking like this advanced?
A stop sign using water to project the image.
An example of the new E-Ink in action. An ink that stay flat on the page and can be printed but still moves on the printer page.
All of the functions these items that we used 20 years ago…Are now done by a single smartphone.
New casts can be printed with a 3D printer, are lighter, more comfortable and just as strong.
Bionic hands are now so advanced they can perform even delicate and complex movements.
