Here we go again. I’m stuck in front of the badge reader for the fifth time today, and it’s still not recognizing my ID. You know what’s more reli reliable?
A Ouija board. At least that thing will give me a fake answer, bu but this piece of junk just stares at me like Dave when he’s trying to unde understand a simple concept. I swear, I’ve been here longer than Jenkins has been boring people with his fantasy football stories.
And don’t even get me started on Karen, who t thinks she’s the IT expert just because she has an iPhone. “Have you tried turning it off and on again?” Oh, no, Karen, that never occurred to me. I w was just going to stare at it until the magic badge fairy fixed it.
I’m about to lose my mind, so I storm over to Dave, who’s sipping his coffe coffee like he doesn’t care. “Dave, this thing is broken… again!” He look looks up at me with that ‘who, me?’ expression and says, “Dude, it works fo for me.” Yeah, because you’re the IT whisperer, Dave.
But I’m not buying it. “No way, Dave. This thing is possessed.
It’s like th the Exorcist in here – all it needs is a little pea soup to make it complet complete.” Karen chimes in with her expertise: “Maybe you should try swipin swiping it slower?” Slower? You think the problem is I’m swiping too fast? That’s like telling me my car won’t start because I turned the key too quic quickly.
Now we’ve got a crowd gathering, all trying to offer their two cents. Jenki Jenkins says, “I had this problem once,” and proceeds to tell us about his ‘epic’ struggle with the badge reader… three years ago.
Meanwhile, I’m st stuck here, unable to get in, while they’re all enjoying the show. Somebody, please just call IT already! But no, instead we’ve got a bunch of amateur experts trying to fix it.
It’s like watching a group of monkeys trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube. And then, out of nowhere, Karen says, “I th think I fixed it!” Yeah, sure you did, Karen – with your iPhone magic and a all. But wait, it gets better!
Karen proudly holds up her phone, and on the scre screen is a YouTube video titled ‘How to fix a broken badge reader.’ That’s That’s right, folks; we’ve been outsmarted by a 10-year-old YouTube tutoria tutorial. I turn to Dave and say, “You know what? I think I need to take a break…
or a new job.” And as I walk away, the badge reader suddenly beeps, and the door swings open. Ah, perfect timing – now it works. And that’s when I see my name on the company intranet: “Hal: Badge Reader M Master.” I kid you not; Karen actually created an award for me.
I turn arou around to face the crowd, and in a moment of pure humiliation, I proudly ho hold up my imaginary trophy, while Dave chuckles and says, “Dude, you got s served by Karen’s iPhone.” Yeah, that’s just peachy.