February 2009 archive

Snoring

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can’t sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles, and he will stop snoring. ‚ÄúYeah right!‚Äù she says. A few minutes after going to bed, the dog …

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How the Fight Started

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift. When his wife asked him why, he replied, “Well, she still hasn’t used the gift I bought her last year!” And that’s how the fight started… ————————– My wife walked …

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Women Should Take Their Own Messages

I Like Hores

R.A.P.E.D

Dear Employees, Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement…This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to …

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Data Encryption Standard and 3DES

Abstract The purpose of this document is to explain how Data Encryption Standard (DES) works and why 3 DES is now used. Also included within this document is an explanation of why the middle portion of 3DES is a decryption instead of an encryption. The last item talked about within this document is a nonce …

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Link and End-to-End Encryption Techniques

Abstract The purpose of this document is to provide fundamental differences between link and end-to-end encryption techniques. Also included within this document is a description of traffic padding and what its fundamental purpose is. The last item that can be found within this document is a description of differences between a session key and a …

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Aids or Alzheimer’s

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, ‘Hello, Mrs. Sanders, please. ”Speaking. ‘Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor James at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your …

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She Will Make it Greater

“Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges …

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Shibuya Crossing

Went to Shibuya crossing in Tokyo, Japan today. Here are some of the photos of the experience. You can see Tower records, Disney store, and the most busy intersection in the world.

It’s Just a Catfish

This would be ‘all the catfish you can eat.’ Each year, a few people were drowning or disappearing mysteriously in Huadu, China’s Furong Reservoir. It was not until recently, when the son of a government official went swimming, in the reservoir and was drowned, that the secret was revealed. It is a 3 meter long …

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Encryption Techniques

[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to analyze cryptographic transposition techniques by showing a few examples of some different techniques. The next portion of this document is to provide an answer to the question ‚ÄúIs it possible to decrypt the message that was encrypted with a two-stage transposition technique with a different key?‚Äù The …

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Definition Distinction Between Guts and Balls

We’ve all heard about people “having guts” or “having balls”. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below… Guts – is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and …

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Helicopter Ride

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Buddy would say, ‘Edna,I’d like to ride in that helicopter’ Edna always replied, ‘I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks.’ One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy …

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Business Continuity

[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to provide a basic knowledge of how having a business backup plan can maintain business continuity. Also included within this document are guidelines to maintain business continuity and an explanation of some consequences for not following the business continuity guidelines. [Content] When the September 11th attacks on the …

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Choosing a Location for a Network Operations Center (NOC)

[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to provide a basic understanding of network operation centers by identifying three key factors to consider when choosing a location for a network operation center. Also included within this document are five areas of physical security to consider when constructing a network operation center. [Content] When considering constructing …

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Love Making

The Italian says, “When I’ve a finished a makina da love withna my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above a da bed in ecstasy.” The Frenchman replies, zat is noting, “When Ah’ve finished making ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way¬† …

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Single vs. Engaged vs. Married

Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, “Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend’s office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He …

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Most Romantic First Line, But least Romantic Second Line

These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line: Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss but I only slept with you, because I was pissed. I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother. Roses …

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Hardening OS X

[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to provide a basic understanding of operating systems and vulnerabilities with hardening practices for ensuring Apple‚Äôs operating system OS X is secured. Also included within this document are methods for ensuring that a web server is secured. [Content] ‚ÄúEvery Mac is secure ‚Äî right out of the box …

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