Cold is a Relative Thing in Michigan

a tree covered in snow
60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Michigan plant gardens.

50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Michigan sunbathe.

40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won’t start.
People in Michigan drive with the windows down.

32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Lake Michigan gets thicker.

20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Michigan throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the h eat.
People in Michigan have the last cookout before it gets cold.

People in Miami all die.
Michiganders close the windows.

10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico
People in Michigan get out their winter coats.

25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Michigan are selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Michigan let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Michiganders get upset because they can’t start the Mini-Van.

460 (-459.67 F below zero):
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero, zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Michigan start saying…”Cold enough fer ya?”

500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Michigan public schools will open 2 hours late.

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