Sympathetic Husband
This guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. There are two sheriff’s deputies there; he asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife. The guy says “sure” and shows him a picture of his wife. The sheriff says, “I’m very sorry sir, but it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck.”
The guy says, “I know, but she has a great personality and she’s an excellent cook. “
Episodes Of Stupidity
Unfortunately, there is no cure for stupid.
Sexual Harassment?
Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, the woman can’t stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy. The supervisor is puzzled and asks, “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” “It’s Frank,: the midget.”
Hotel Charges
An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high.
“I agree it’s a nice hotel, but the rooms aren’t worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn’t even have breakfast.”
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the ‘standard rate’, and breakfast had been included had she wanted it. She insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: “This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use.”
“But I didn’t use them,” she said ”Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager. He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous. “We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here,” the Manager said.
“But I didn’t go to any of those shows,” she said.
“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, “But I didn’t use it!” and the Manager countered with his standard response. After several minutes’ discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. “But madam, this check is for $50.00.”
“That’s correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.
“But I didn’t!” exclaimed the very surprised Manager.
“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”
Useful Inventions
1. Wash your hands and then use the water for your next flush.
2. Traffic lights in Ukraine.
3. This water fountain allows the water to flow down so dogs can drink too.
4. A mountain finder device in Switzerland.
5. An accessibility mat on the beach for strollers and wheelchairs.
6. This pill bottle lid tells you when it was last opened.
7. Seniors and handicapped people can extend cross time for this 8 lane highway.
8. This restaurant has a toe opener for those who want to avoid germs on the doorknob.
9. This shopping cart has a calculator so you know how much you’re spending.
10. This bar has a frost strip so you can keep your drink cold.
11. This tire tells you when it’s time to change it.
12. This mirror has a heated part so it doesn’t steam up after a shower.
13. These tiny model tents give you a look at what you’re buying.
14. This elevator shows how close to capacity it is based on the weight of the riders.
15. This inflatable mattress turns the back of your car into a bed.
16. Trash cans in Copenhagen are angled so that cyclists can throw their trash while cycling.
Statue of Major General Andrew Jackson
In New Orlean’s Louisiana was a statue of Major General Andrew Jackson. With the liberal movement to have historic statues removed this statue may not still be there. He is what the statue looked like. If you are interested in learning more about who Andrew Jackson was, what he stood for, what he accomplished, and what role he played in American history you can find more information by clicking here.
Hawaii Lava Boat Tour
Every time the lava hits the ocean more shoreline is created for the Big Island of Hawaii.
Nissan Cube
I don’t care what anyone says, the Nissan Cube is a fun car to drive. It is a small boxy car with style. It has the rear wrap around window and rounded windows on the sides. It is fun because it is a small car that sits like a truck. There is plenty of headroom and it very comfortably seats 4 passengers. The rear seats even recline. One of the best things about it is that it gets 27 miles to the gallon in the city and over 30 on the highway. Everything about this little car is just fun, fun, fun.
Novo Brazil Brewing Company
Stopped by the Novo Brazil Brewing company to check out what they’ve got. It was a pretty interesting setup inside of a warehouse.
The Dark Side is Watching
Do you ever feel like someone from the dark side is watching you? This happened to me today when I was stopped at a traffic light. I looked over and Darth Vader was staring back at me.
Memorial Day
In observance of Memorial Day 2018, I digitally modified a photo that I had taken at the Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery. The United States flag, “Old Glory,” is in color and the graves below are monochrome. I’ve given it much thought to the meaning that I was trying to obtain by this and it could symbolize the price that many have paid to uphold the ideals that we, as American’s, believe in. It could also mean that Old Glory is waving proudly over those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice. Whatever meaning you find in this image, I hope it sparks a moment where you take the time to remember a friend, a soldier, a loved one, or even a complete stranger who is no longer here because they had what it took to put their life on the line and believed in making the United States of American one of the greatest countries on earth. Freedom comes with one of the heftiest price tags and we take this day to honor those who have paid dearly for the freedoms we enjoy each and every day.
Observations
- There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipshit’s.
- The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
- I live in my own little world, but it’s OK. Everyone knows me there.
- I don’t do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
- I don’t like political jokes. I’ve seen too many get elected.
- The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
- If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary’s……………..
- Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
- Every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
- No one ever says, “It’s only a game!” when their team’s winning.
- Marriage changes passion . . . suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
- Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
- Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
- Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
- I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing.
- If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn’t need the freakin’ class!
- Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
- Wouldn’t you know it! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
Lighting Decor
While sitting in the Original Noodle House in Ocean Beach, California I happened to notice the lighting which added an interesting decor to the restaurant.
High Street
For all the pot heads, occasional smokers, or midnight tokers out there here is a street in La Mesa, California just for you.
Why Some Men have Dogs and Not Wives
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog’s parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you get another dog?”
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.
It Can Wait Television Advertisement by the Western Cape Government
Every single day I see people texting and driving. I really wish more people will see this advertisement that was put out by the Western Cape Government because it has a very strong message about texting and driving. It can wait.
Plant That Looks Like Coral
Here is a plant that is a succulent, but it almost looks like coral is growing on land. It is real interesting the way the light shines through it and makes it look different colors.
Hickam Air Force Base
On Hickam Air Force base back by the channel to Pearl Harbor and near the Officer’s club there is the Missing Man Memorial that honors those who have lost their lives in battle.
Lobbing Grenades
In case you haven’t ever seen anybody ever throwing a grenade here is someone on a range doing just that.
Japanese Dessert Store
What kind of building is this? Is it a temple? Perhaps an orphanage? Guess again. It’s actually a Japanese dessert shop located in Kamakura.
Blonde Men
A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?”
He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do…it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”
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A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND.”
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
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A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.
“No!” he shouts, “this is her husband!”
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A blonde man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
“Just WHAT are you doing?” he asks.
“Hanging myself,” the blonde replies.
“The rope should be around your neck” says the guard.
“I tried that,” he replies, “but then I couldn’t breathe.”
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An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: “Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”
To which the blonde man replies: “If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.”
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A friend told the blonde man: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.”
The blonde man then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”
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Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: “What if one explodes before we get there?”
The other says: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”
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A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: “Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
To which the blonde man replied: “Well the joke’s on all of you because I wasn’t even at home yesterday!
Rice Fields in Japan
If you haven’t ever seen any rice fields or how rice is grown it is pretty interesting because Japan does not have a lot of farm land so they grow rice wherever they can. Here are a couple fields I happened to snap a couple photos of as I was driving by.