The Kumachan

A chicken farmer went to a local bar sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!”

“What a coincidence,” the farmer says, “This is a special day for me, I’m celebrating.”

“This is a special day for me too, I’m also celebrating!” says the woman.

“What a coincidence” says the man.

As they clinked glasses the farmer asked, “What are you celebrating?”

“My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me that I’m pregnant!”

“What a coincidence,” says the man… “I’m a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they’re finally laying fertilized eggs.”

“That’s great!” says the woman, “How did your chickens become fertile?”

“I used a different cock,” he replied…

The woman smiled and said, “What a coincidence”…

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, “I did some schoolwork.”
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, “Ok, Ok. I was at a friend’s house watching movies.”
Dad asks, “What movie did you watch?”
Son says, “Toy Story.”
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching porn.”
Dad says,”What? At your age I didn’t even know what porn was.”
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says,”Well, he certainly is your son.”
The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, ‘Hello – I think you are the father of one of my kids.’ Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.

So he asks, ‘Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?’

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, ‘No, I’m your son’s teacher.’

A good lesson for all…

Bob’s wife caught him blow-drying his pecker this morning and asked him what the hell he was doing? Apparently, “heating up your breakfast” was not the right answer.

For the 1st time in their 3 year marriage, a wife asked if her husband would mind making the next day’s lunches for them both. Obligingly he agrees.

The next morning, the young wife asks her loving husband, ‘Where are our lunches honey?’

He replied, ‘I put them on the second shelf of the fridge.

My lunch is the one on the left, and yours is on the right’

‘Father’, he confessed, ‘it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month.’

The priest told the sinner, ‘You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary’s.’

Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. ‘Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I’ve had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months. ‘

This time, the priest questioned, ‘Who is this Nookie Green?’

‘A new woman in the neighborhood,’ the sinner replied.

‘Very well,’ sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary’s.

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to reveal that she wasn’t wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, ‘Is that Nookie Green?’

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn’t believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,….’No Father, I think it’s just a reflection from her shoes’..

While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?”

“Good question,” noted the CFO. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages.” “Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.

“What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?” “Ah, yes,” replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster.” “I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO.

“Well,” he went on, “What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?” “Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the CFO. “What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.