Cold is a Relative Thing in Michigan

Posted in Humor/Jokes on March 3rd, 2008 by Kuma

60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Michigan plant gardens.

50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Michigan sunbathe.

40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won’t start.
People in Michigan drive with the windows down.

32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Lake Michigan gets thicker.

20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Michigan throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the h eat.
People in Michigan have the last cookout before it gets cold.

Zero:
People in Miami all die.
Michiganders close the windows.

10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico
People in Michigan get out their winter coats.

25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Michigan are selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Michigan let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Michiganders get upset because they can’t start the Mini-Van.

460 (-459.67 F below zero):
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero, zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Michigan start saying…”Cold enough fer ya?”

500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Michigan public schools will open 2 hours late.

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Two Fleas

Posted in Humor/Jokes on February 4th, 2006 by Kuma

Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation.
Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he”s shivering and shaking.

The other flea asks him, “Why are you shaking so badly?”

The first flea says, “I rode down here from New Jersey in the mustache of a guy on a Harley.”

The other flea responds saying,” That”s the worst way to travel. Try what I do. Go to the New Jersey airport bar. Have a few drinks. While you are there, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle in where it”s warm and cozy. It”s the best way to travel that I can think of.”

The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter.
A year goes by….. When the first flea shows up in Miami he is shivering and shaking again.

The second flea says, “Didn”t you try what I told you?”

“Yes,” says the first flea, “I did exactly as you said. I went to the New Jersey airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up to her warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was back in the mustache of a guy on a Harley.

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Rejection Line

Posted in Events, Humor/Jokes, Thoughts on November 29th, 2004 by Kuma

In case you meet anybody who you don”t want to give your telephone number to, but you do anyway because you feel bad – try this instead: Rejection line: If you are a woman/man and are constantly approached by unattractive or undesirable women/men asking for your phone number, give them this number:

Boston: 617-658-7083
New York City: 212-479-7990
Los Angeles: 310-217-7638
San Francisco: 415-356-9833
Atlanta: 770-908-7383
Charlotte: 704-559-4169
Chicago: 773-509-5096
Cleveland: 216-556-0051
Denver: 303-575-1696
Las Vegas: 702-387-2619
Miami: 305-460-3285
Seattle: 206-781-3928
Washington, DC: 202-452-7468

when the guy/woman calls that number, they get a friendly message saying that they were rejected.

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Washington Redskins Down the Miami Dolphins

Posted in Events on August 22nd, 2004 by Kuma

The Washington Redskins beat the Miami Dolphins 17 to 0 to put Washington 2 -1 in the preseason. During this game Mark Brunell passed completed 7 of 9 passes for 79 yards. While the Redskins running game was lead by Clinton Portis who had 37 yards and Rock Cartwright who finished with 33 yards. All in all the Redskins racked up 181 yards on the ground which meant they didn”t need to utilize their passing game as much against the Dolphins. The Redskins held the Dolphins to a total of 25 yards rushing which goes to show you how much Ricky Williams will be missed in Miami.

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