Tag: want

Clash of Clans – Join Our Clan

Come join our clan named “The Ku machan” in the game the Clash of Clans. Our clan rules are basic. We want everybody to participate to make each other better and improve the clan. You may notice in the our clan name that it isn’t The Kumachan that is because the game must thing Kumachan …

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Julian Pies

「ジュリアンのパイは美味しいよ〜」との噂を聞いたので行ってみた。山側へドライブして雪が見たかったというのもある。勝手にジュリアンというレストランがあるのだと思っていた。着いてみたら多くの観光客が各レストランの前に並んでいた。駐車するのも一苦労だった。ジュリアンは小さな町で、レストラン・ホテル・お土産やさんが連なっており、ちょっとした観光地だった。パイ屋さんも数件あったが、JULIAN PIE COMPANYというベタな名前の長蛇の列に並んでみた。数種類のパイとクッキー、マフィンやドーナッツ等があった。$1.95の追加料金でホイップクリーム、アイスクリーム、シナモンソース、キャラメル等のトッピングも可能。コーヒーとホットココアの飲み物があり、水は無料だった。小さい店内で正面入り口前と裏にちょっとしたテラス席があり、そこで食べられるようになっていた。スライスとホールの購入レジが分かれていたので、スライスの方に並んだ。ホームメイド・アップルパイにした。一切れが大きくてThe American Pieでビックした。$3.50だった。味は甘さ控えめ。りんごの酸っぱさも適度にあり、おばあちゃんの手作り感満載で噂通りに美味しかった。気に入ったのでホールでも購入($14.95)。冷蔵庫で保存して1週間。食べる前にレンジで軽く温めてアイスを載せると美味しさが増した。普段パイを食べない娘も気に入って毎日のおやつになった。ジュリアンのレストランも美味しいと高評価だったので、機会があれば今度は食事をしに行ってみたい。 We heard ” The pie of Julian is delicious!”  We wanted to see snow to mountain side too. so we went to Julian. I thought that there was a restaurant called Julian. But Julian is a small town and good sight-seeing spot. They have many restaurant and hotel and Souvenir …

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Little Larry the Fighter Pilot

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Larry says: “I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, …

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The Blonde Golfer

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them. She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that …

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Jewish Mother’s Know Best

A Jewish daughter says to her mother, “I’m divorcing Nathan.” All he wants is sex, sex, and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50 – cent piece when it used to be the size of a nickel.” Her mother says… “You’re married to a multi – millionaire businessman! You live in …

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America’s Smartest President

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger, Holly Madison said, “I have my own reality show and I am the smartest and prettiest woman at Playboy, so American’s don’t want me to die.” She took the first pack and jumped out of the …

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Must Love Seniors

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?” “Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub.” “Oh, I understand,” …

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The Cab Ride

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes, I walked to the  door and knocked. ‘Just a minute’, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90’s stood before me. She was wearing …

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Socrates

In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?” “Wait a moment,” Socrates replied, “Before you tell me I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the …

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Catholic Elementary School Cafeteria

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: ‘Take only ONE. God is watching.’ Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of …

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Little Bruce

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and …

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Marriage (written by kids)

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. — Alan, age 10 -No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to …

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They walk among us!

1.They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became …

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Tokyo Tower Guide Book

If you live on the Island of Honshu, Japan or even just traveling, you may want to take the time to stop by Tokyo and visit the Tokyo Tower. This tower is a symbol of Tokyo and it gives you a wonderful 360 degree panoramic view of the city. This as a popular dating spot …

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7 Reasons Not To Mess with Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.  The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.  The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.   Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a …

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Just a Wee Bit….

“An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare. With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman. Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So …

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Dear Mum Letter

A mother passing by her son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, ‘Mum’. With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. ‘Dear, Mum. It is …

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Ninja Show Near Mie, Japan

Went to Mie, Japan to checkout a real life ninja show. This was pretty neat because I went to an actual ninja village and learned that the Mie ninja’s were good at the art of implanting a suggestion into a person’s mind in order to get them to do what they want. If I remember …

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Married Life

– The wife’s back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. – My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off. – I …

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Last Thing on My Mind

A 10-year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks ‘What’s wrong, lad?’ The boy says ‘Me ma died this morning.’ ‘Oh bejaysus,’ The man says. ‘Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?’ The boy replies, ‘No tanks mister, sex is the last thing …

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Penis Surgery

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on The freeway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in …

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A Letter From Little Timmy To Santa

Dear Santa, How are you ?…How is Mrs. Claus ? I hope the reindeer and the elves are all doing fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day. …

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Colin the Brave

A rich man living in Balwyn decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, …

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Dear Abby

Dear Abby, My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but …

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A Jumper

On January 9 a group of bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The Harley leader, George a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, “What are you doing?” “I’m …

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Young King Arthur

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer …

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Dinner

Wife: ‘Do you want dinner?’ Husband: ‘Sure! What are my choices?’ Wife: ‘Yes or no.’

Golf Wisdom

Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls. If you’re afraid a full shot might …

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Elderly Couple

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember … Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the …

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Student Who Obtained a 0% on an Exam

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams …

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Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate, and Sarah. If Mike, Dave, and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wildman EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave, and John will each throw in $20, even …

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Thirsty Taliban

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties. The Taliban asked, “Do you have water?” The Jewish man replied, …

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Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer

Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer: I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS. I asked for her driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance. The lady took out the required information and handed …

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The Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be …

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Would You Marry Again?

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks the question…. WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married Again?” HUSBAND: “Definitely not!” WIFE: “Why not? Don’t you like being married?” HUSBAND: “Of course I do..” WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you …

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Let’s Offend Everyone

– I had just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage roll. A poor homeless man sat there and said ‘I’ve not eaten for two days’ I told him ‘I wish I had your f**king will power’. – I got fired on my …

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Little Girl on a Plane

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.” The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would …

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Irish Golfer

A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer’s ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. …

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The Hillbilly Vasectomy

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could …

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Who Wants To Be a Millionaire

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’ She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’ So I said, “Then …

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Coffee and Testicles

A guy goes to the Nv. State High way Dept. to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.” “Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?” “Yes,” he says, “I was in Iraq for one tour.” The interviewer says, “That …

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Decoding

*DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS:* **** * 40-ish…………………………….49. * Adventurous……………………..Slept with everyone. * Athletic…………………………..No breasts. * Average looking…………………Moooo. * Beautiful…………………………Pathological liar. * Emotionally Secure………………On medication. * Feminist………………………….Fat. * Free Spirit………………………..Junkie. * Friendship first…………………..Former Slut. * New-Age…………………………Body hair in the wrong places. * Old-fashioned……………………No B.J.’s * Open-minded…………………….Desperate. * Outgoing…………………………Loud and embarrassing. * Professional………………………Bitch. * Voluptuous………………………Very …

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An Airline With a Sense of Humor

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn’t take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard …

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A Senior Citizen

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’ ‘Yep!’ ‘Do I know her?’ ‘Nope!’ ‘This woman, is she good looking?’ ‘Not really.’ ‘Is she a good cook?’ ‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’ ‘Does she have lots of money?’ ‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’ ‘Well, then, is …

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Couple in Their Nineties

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ …

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Seniors

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?” “Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub”. “Oh, I understand,” …

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The Polish Divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, …

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Passports

Dear Sirs, I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a cable t.v. from them back in 1987, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on …

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Topsy Turvy

I bought one of those Topsy Turvy’s like what you see on T.V. It looked like an interesting design and I wanted to see how well it worked. I planted some tomatoes in it and kept it watered very nicely. The cool thing about this design is that you are taking the dirt out of …

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The Husband’s T-shirt

My wife was always after me to go shopping with her. Then I began wearing my favorite t-shirt. Now she doesn’t want me to go shopping with her anymore.