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Dusty Underwear
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!” His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the …
Buried at Sea
Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise. They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up …
Lil’ Johnny Strikes Again…
Teacher asks kindergarten students what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for. First pupil: “Tylenol?” Teacher: “Very good! And what is it used for?” Pupil: “It is used for headaches” Second pupil: “Nytol Teacher” Teacher: “Excellent. And what it is used for?” Pupil: “To help you sleep” Now it is Johnny’s …
Take a Drop Guys!
There is a reason you don’t go into the weeds where it’s warm and wet looking for your golfball!
Two Prostitutes – $50.00
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which read: ‘Two Prostitutes — $50.00.’ Suddenly a passing patrol officer spotted the sign displayed on the top of their car, stopped them, and warned them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail. About that time, another …
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Hunting Flies” he responded. “Oh. Killing any?” she asked. “Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied. Intrigued, she asked; “How can you tell them apart?” He responded, “3 were on a beer can, …
After almost 60 years of marriage…
An elderly gent was invited to an old friends’ home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 60 years and, clearly, they were still very much …
Kaneohe BayFest 2008 – 3 Doors Down
This year for BayFest 2008 some of the bands playing are 3 Doors Down, Live, Everclear, and some country singer. It’s not everyday that a southern rock band comes to Hawaii so it’s a great chance to go check out some real music, as opposed to this local style music, and rock things out a …
4th of July in Hawaii
In Hawaii people don’t make as big of a deal about the Independence day of the United States, that is probably due to the large Asian population living in Hawaii. They seem to make a bigger deal out of New Year’s Eve than they do the 4th of July. So this year I went to …
USS Missouri
Went down to the USS Missouri (The Mighty MO) located in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii and took a tour and snapped some photos. Here are some of the photos. This was quite an experience. The USS Missouri shoots projectiles the size of a Volkswagen Bug up to 30 miles. Wow! Also it was quite a thing …
USS Bowfin
Took a tour of the USS Bowfin in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. Here are some of my photos from that experience.
Bear Removal
A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for ‘Bear Removers.’He calls the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes.The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He’s got a …
Pond in the Back
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the …
Bullfrog
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn’t want to spend a fortune. ‘Well,’ said the clerk, ‘I have a very large bullfrog. …
Why Parents Drink
A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see that His bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Dad.’ With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. Dear Dad: …
Your Hair Smells Good
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she …
Human Statue of Liberty 1918
The picture was taken in 1918. It is thousands of men preparing for war in a training camp at Camp Dodge in Iowa. A gift from some of our grandfathers.
State Fair
My wife and I went to the State Fair, and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, “THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR” My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs and said, ‘He …
The Battle of the Sexes: A Hilarious Take on Emotional and Financial Needs
I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their heads and women with their hearts. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were …
The Transformative Effects of Marriage on the Y-chromosome
The Transformative Effects of Marriage on the Y-chromosome. Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men….that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes . After a few days they meet again…..The engaged girlfriend …
Tattooist Takes Fan’s Request Literally
A supporter of Australian Football team Geelong Cats wanting a permanent reminder of the team’s AFL triumph has been left by a tattoo saying his team were “Gay Premiers 2007”. In a celebratory trip to Thailand last week “Neville”, a dyed-in-the-wool Cats fan, had 15 cans of beer to ease the pain of the 5-¬¨Œ© …
Inflatable Doll
Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll. Guy behind the counter says, ‘Male or female?’ Customer says, ‘Female.’ Counter guy asks, ‘Black or white? Customer says, ‘White.’ Counter guy asks, ‘Christian or Muslim?’ Customer says, ‘What the hell does religion have to do with it?’ Counter guy says, ‘The Muslim …
Redneck Special Forces
The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given onlythe following facts about terrorists : 1. The season opened today. 2. There is no limit. 3. They taste just like chicken. …