Category: Humor

Vegetarian

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British Humor is Different

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, …

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Canadian Waterskiing

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Did You Know?

1. Your shoes are the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes. 2. If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there’s a 50% chance you’ll die within the next 3 years. 3. There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you. There’s a 9% …

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Any Drugs?

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They walk among us!

1.They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became …

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Having a Bad Day?

How’s Your day Going? Hope it’s way better than these people experienced…….Yikes! Related Posts How is Your Day Going? Happy New Year 2008! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2017

How to Call the Police When You’re Old

Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed …

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The Real Laws

1.Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee. 2.Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. 3.Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly …

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Undesirable Face Tattoo

Brings new meaning to the term, “Dickhead.” Related Posts Why is the Bathroom on a Ship Called The Head? What’s in a name? Dick Move Band Lives Up to Their Name

The Parrot

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house …

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2014 College Football Humor

Urban Meyer on one of his players: “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.” ______________________________________ Why do Tennessee fans wear orange? So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday go hunting on …

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Beer!

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Chinese Winnie the Pooh Fired on the 1st Day

How do you manage to get fired on the first day in a Winnie the Poo costume? By putting on your costume pants backwards. Related Posts Ole & Lena Beyond the Costume: Empowerment, Expression, and Respect in the World of Sexy Halloween Attire Fursuits Unleashed: The Artistry and Creativity Behind Furry Costumes

Aircraft Maintenance Humor

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a’gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. …

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A Positive Attitude

He finally awoke from his coma, stiff as a board and in pain in the hospital’s ICU, with tubes up his nose & down his throat, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. It was obvious he’d been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep and steady heartfelt look …

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Women Golf Pro Advantage

Who says women pro golfers are at a disadvantage to men? Michelle Wie – pro golfer. Matching lavender outfit worth $2000. New pair of French sunglasses worth $500. NIKE products Endorsements worth $10,000,000. That handy gadget to hold your putter …. Priceless!!! Related Posts Bridging the Gender Pay Gap in Soccer: The Case for Implementing …

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Betty White Advice

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Always Wear Underwear

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Through a Child’s Eyes

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Creator Humor

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Indians Don’t Use Saddles

a man riding a horse

A woman from   New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes …

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7 Reasons Not To Mess with Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.  The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.  The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.   Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a …

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Lesbians Eat What?

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Getting Old

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Replacement Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind. Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them. Just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically …

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Signs

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Darwin Awards

Here is the glorious winner: 1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. And now, the honorable mentions: …

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A Loving Grandpa

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, Granddad is working …

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Just a Wee Bit….

“An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare. With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman. Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So …

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Disco

Husband takes the wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” Husband says: “Looks like he’s still celebrating!!! …

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