Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room, the first surgeries of the day. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?” The second kid says, “I’m getting my tonsils out, and I’m afraid.” The first kid says, “You’ve got …
Category: Humor
Eternal Life
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish. The guy thinks for a moment and says, “I want to live forever.” “Sorry,” said …
Penis Surgery
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on The freeway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in …
Motivational Posters #11
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Sleeping With Mick
The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Mick, because he snored so badly. They decid ed it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Mick and comes to breakfast the next morning …
Cautionary Tale
A woman brought a very limp duck to a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.” The …
Revenge
A student is looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl sat by a table alone: -“Do you mind if I sit beside you? The girl replied with a loud voice: -“I DON ‘T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!” All the students in the library started …
Chicken Farmer
A chicken farmer went to a local bar sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!” “What a coincidence,” the farmer says, “This is a special day for me, I’m celebrating.” “This is a special …
Robot for Sale
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, “I did some schoolwork.” The robot slaps the son. The son says, “Ok, Ok. I was at a friend’s …
I Think You’re The Father of One of My Kids…
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, ‘Hello – I think you are the father of one of my kids.’ Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. So he asks, ‘Are you the stripper from …
Blow Dryer Mishap
A good lesson for all… Bob’s wife caught him blow-drying his pecker this morning and asked him what the hell he was doing? Apparently, “heating up your breakfast” was not the right answer. Related Posts Bullfrog Buttercups & Golf Balls Breakfast
Husband Makes The Lunches
For the 1st time in their 3 year marriage, a wife asked if her husband would mind making the next day’s lunches for them both. Obligingly he agrees. The next morning, the young wife asks her loving husband, ‘Where are our lunches honey?’ He replied, ‘I put them on the second shelf of the fridge. …
Hockey Signs
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Help a Friend Out
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Irish Catholic Confession
‘Father’, he confessed, ‘it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month.’ The priest told the sinner, ‘You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary’s.’ Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. ‘Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I’ve …
IRS Auditor
While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?” “Good question,” noted the CFO. “We save them up …
Jesus and the Democrat
A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?” The waitress nodded “yes,” so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him. The next patron to …
Hold Up
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says, “But sir, its just a sperm bank!”, “I don’t care, open it now!!!” he replies. So she opens the door to the …
Marriage Counseling
A married couple goes to a marriage counselor to work out some problems. The counselor sits them down and says “Let’s start by talking about what you both have in common.” The husband says, “Well for starters, neither one of us will suck a dick.” Related Posts Example of “Bitter Sweet” Emergency Room Top Four …
The Penis Poem
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Hillbilly Dream Catcher
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Divorce Lawyers
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Crappy Day
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Motivational Posters #10
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Famous Quotes
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real, but the moon landing was faked. ~ David Letterman ***** I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit! I’m a billionaire. ~ Howard Hughes ***** After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. …
Ad in a Vietnamese Newspaper
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Why Some Men Have a Dog And No Wife:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 4. A dog’s parents never visit. 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your …
Misuse of the Term Towel Heads
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DEA Agent
A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher said, “okay, but don’t go into that field over there…”, as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, “look …
Budweiser Wisdom
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Illegal Mexican Versus E.T.
What’s the difference between an illegal Mexican and E.T.? E.T. looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn’t claim benefits, had his own damn bike, and wanted to go home! Related Posts Spelling Minorities – Show Some Compassion Tacos El Gordo