Category: Humor

First Kiss

It’s your First Kiss and several questions might come to mind: Is it the right time? Is anyone watching? Does your partner even want to? Is your breath fresh? AND,—Should you use some tongue? Then you say…’What the heck!’ and Just Go for it!!! Related Posts Under the Mistletoe: The Magic of Holiday Kisses Sealed …

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Three Men

Three men – a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Texan are all working together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total”, says the Genie. The Canadian says, “I am a farmer and …

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Great Elephant Story

In 1986, Mike Membre was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Membre approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s …

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Bubba

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, “Is it true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin People to git cancer?” “Yes, Bubba, sure is true,” responded the lawyer. “And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants Fer makin them fat an cloggin their arteries with all Them burgers an fries, is that …

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How To Spot A Redneck Hunter With A DUI Conviction

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What To Wear When The Wife Has Chores For You…

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Job Question

The boss was looking to hire a new manager, so he interviewed dozens and narrowed their search down to three people. In an attempt to pick one of them, he decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours and the one with the best answer would get the job. The …

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Sleeping Around

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If Women Controlled the World

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Ralph the Chicken

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said,‚Äö√Ñ√¥ you died in your sleep, Ralph. ‚Äö√ѬÆRalph was stunned. I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for send me back! St. …

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The Bet…

Two families move from Pakistan to America . When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see — in a year’s time — which family has become more Americanized. A year later they meet again. The first man says, “My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds, and I’m on my …

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Pet Fish

A redneck was stopped by a game warden recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leaving a cove that’s well-known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man… “Do you have a license to catch those fish?” “No, sir,” replied the redneck. “I ain’t got none of them there licenses, these …

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Cure for a Cough

The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on his face. The owner asks the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?” The clerk says, “Well, he came in here at 7 A.M. to get something for his cough. I …

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Jane & Arlene

Jane and Arlene are outside the nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet. Arlene: Where …

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Not the Brightest Bulb in the Woods….

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A Fairy Tale

One day, long, long ago, there was this woman who surprisingly, did not whine, nag, and bitch…….. But this was a long time ago…..and it was just ONE day. The End Related Posts Wisdom of an Older Man Elderly Friends Just Like In The Movies?

Christmas Cookie Recipe

Ingredients: 1 cup of water 1 tsp baking soda 1 cup of sugar 1 tsp salt 1 cup of brown sugar Lemon juice 4 large eggs 1 cup nuts 2 cups of dried fruit 1 bottle Crown Royal Instructions: – Sample the Crown Royal to check quality. – Take a large bowl, check the Crown …

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How Real Men Use Post-It Notes!

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Wrapping Paper

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Stun Gun

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this : Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something …

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West Virginia Mountain Woman

A West Virginia mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home, she asked her husband, “What is a specimen?” He replied, “Danged if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She’s a nurse.” The woman …

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Laundry

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes : “USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!” She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the …

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10 New Work Rules

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance …

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How to Decide who to Marry:

How to Decide who to Marry: You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. — Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. …

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Wyoming Cowboy

A WYOMING cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban Sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly …

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Three Quaterbacks

God asks Peyton Manning first: “What do u believe?” Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, “I believe in hard work and staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do the right by my fans.” God can’t help but …

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Dead Goldfish

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Moved To Alaska

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months …

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We Do Not Spank

Most of America’s populace think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of “those moments.” One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk. They usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our …

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Air Force Assignments

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The Flasher

Three older ladies named Rose, Pam and Martha were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.¬¨‚Ć The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.¬¨‚Ć Rose immediately had a stroke.¬¨‚Ć Then Pam also had a stroke.¬¨‚Ć …

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