Author's posts
Cost of Living
The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries!
Too Many Immigrants in Britain?
Question – Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said “I am not understanding the question please.”
Japan Funny Erasers
Stopped by a dollar store (100Yen) store and I found these funny erasers. I thought they were neat enough to snap some photos. Some of these are actually pretty neat. Here are the photos. 7
Thrown Out of School
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said “Son, that’s 3 schools this year! You’d better stop before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”
Love the Hot Weather
The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops….although, they do make me look a bit gay.
Pedophile
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting “pedophile!”and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
Penis Enlarger
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did….she’s 21 and her name’s Lucy.
Turned to Religion
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!
Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer
Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer: I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS. I asked for her driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance. The lady took out the required information and handed …
Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors & the value of the products increase as the …
Sex Frogs
A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an ‘exotic’ pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs. The sign says: ‘SEX FROGS’ Only $20 each! Come with ‘complete’ instructions. The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody’s watching her. She whispers softly to the …
Yokohama Zoo
Went over to the Yokohama Zoo called Zoorasia to check out the different animals. Here are some of my photos from enjoying the day at the zoo.
Distinction Between Guts and Balls
To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words: there is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We’ve all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions: GUTS – is arriving home …
Miss Kentucky Holding a Teddy Bear
Note: This is the new Miss Kentucky. The picture that will stay with her for the rest of her life: Make-up and hair style ………………. $500 New dress for the show ………………$700 Giant stuffed bear ………………………. $300 Not knowing how to hold the bear with a microphone in her hand …..Priceless!!!
Married Friends
The first man married a woman from Alabama. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a woman from South Dakota …
Green Persimmons
There was a small church in North Carolina that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have …
He said To Me!
He said to me… I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it? I said to him… You wear pants don’t you? He said to me… Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said to him… That’s a good idea – you stand by the stove & sink while …
Labor Standards
The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him. GOV’T AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.” RANCHER: ”Well, there’s my hired hand who’s been with me for …
Minnesota Vikings
The Minnesota Highway Patrol is cracking down on speeders heading into Minneapolis. For the first offense, they give you 2 Vikings tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them. Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? A. The Minnesota Vikings Q. What do …
Halloween Costume
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn’t know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed …
Late Night Call to the Vet
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and “in heat,” agreed to look after her neighbors male dog while the neighbors were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, …
For All The Man-haters: Why Buy the Pig
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free. Here’s an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. Men are like…. 1. Men are like Laxatives. …
Who Does What
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, ‘You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, ‘You are in charge of cooking around here and you …
Creation
A man said to his wife one day, ‘I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. ‘The wife responded, ‘Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
It All Began With an iPhone
It all began with an iPhone…March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn’t? I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad. Our daughter’s birthday was in August so we got her …