Author's posts
It All Began With an iPhone
It all began with an iPhone…March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn’t? I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad. Our daughter’s birthday was in August so we got her …
Wife vs. Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, ‘Relatives of yours?’ ‘Yep,’ the wife replied, ‘in-laws.’
Cigarettes and Tampons
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge …
Marriage Seminar
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, ‘It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.’ He addressed the man, ‘Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?’ Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, ‘It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?
A Man’s Perspective of Trying to Understand Women
I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
Woman’s Revenge
‘Cash, check or charge?’ I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. ‘So, do you always carry your TV remote?’ I asked. ‘No,’ she replied, ‘but my husband refused to come shopping with me, …
Women’s Perfect Breakfast
She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Amazing Holes
These holes are not only amazing, but some are really terrifying! The sheer scale of these holes reminds you of just how tiny we are. Kimberley Big Hole – South Africa Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the world, this 1097 meter deep mine yielded over 3 tons of diamonds before being closed. Glory …
Scottish Diplomacy
The following is a true bit of Scottish Diplomacy:……….One thing about blokes from Scotland is that their hearts and humour are always in the right place! Jimmy MacDonald, a City Councillor from Glasgow , was asked on a local live radio talk show just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists. …
Wedding Party
At a wedding party recently someone yelled, “All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.” The bartender was almost crushed to death.
SUV for his Birthday
Two old guys talking. One said to the other: “My 85th birthday yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV”. Other guy: “Wow, that’s amazing! Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!” First guy: “Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra!”
The Taxi
– For young men, it’s a nice ass. The really observant will see the thong. – For older men, it is a respectable woman with a nice ass crossing the street. – The perverts will imagine her as a naked woman. – The wise men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer in …
Barack Obama Bingo
Rules for Bullshit Bingo: 1. Before Barrack Obama’s next televised speech, print your “Bullshit Bingo” 2. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases. 3. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout “BULLSHIT!
Movies
My girlfriend says to me the other night: “How come we don’t make love like they do in the movies?” So I bent her over the table, slapped her on each ass cheek a dozen times, grabbed her by the hair and yanked her neck back so she’d be forced to watch me jackhammer her …
New Orleans Finest Entrepreneur
Lets get the players straight before we go on with this. LARMONDO “FLAIR” ALLEN His Companion: Kawanner Armstrong His Sons: Christian Allen Kwan Allen Larmondo Allen, Jr. His Daughters: Deidra Allen Larmenshell Allen Lamonshea Allen Larmomdriel Allen Larmerja Allen Korevell Allen AT AGE 25 – He had 9 Children. (Could Kawanner Armstrong Possibly Be The …
How to Save the Airlines
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell — They don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a ‘party atmosphere’ going in the cabin. And, …
The Ostrich
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be …
Ideal Man For The Job
This guy would make an ideal politician and probably do a better job than any we have today. At least he has what is needed in Washington…
2011 Football Scouting Report
Wayfron P. Jackson: 6′ 6″, 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from Texas in the last ten years. Loves rap music. Will demand a mini-cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most “you knows” during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can print his complete name. Signed with Tennessee. Quinticious Jenkins: …
Tokyo Disneyland – Halloween 2011
Went to Tokyo Disneyland and had a spectacular time. It was really neat and a lot of fun. Disney sure is top notch. They pay attention to the smallest details. Here are some photos and a video of the experience.
They Sent My Census Form Back
In answer to the question, ‘Do you have any dependents?’, I put … ’12 million illegal immigrants, crack heads, unemployable bastards, the cast of The Jerry Springer Show, 140,000 people in our 133 penal establishments in California, leftovers from Katrina, half of Mexico, much of the Congress & staff, most of the Senate and a …
Why Did Bernie Madoff Go To Prison?
Why did Bernie Madoff go to prison? To make it simple, he talked people into investing with him. Trouble was, he didn’t invest their money. As time rolled on he simply took the money from the new investors to pay off the old investors. Finally there were too many old investors and not enough money …
Humor – Five Surgeons
Five surgeons having drinks together at a surgical convention exchanged opinions regarding their favorite patient types. The first, a Florida surgeon, said, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.” The second, a Michigan surgeon, responded, “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside …