Author's posts
All Catholic Girls Go To Heaven
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, “Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?” She giggles and shyly replies, “Well, I once touched the head of one …
44 Years of Marriage
After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one Day and said, ‘Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a Sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal. …
You May Be A Taliban…
With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, our troops in Afghanistan prove they’ve trained their sense of humor with the following: “You may be a Taliban if . . . 1) You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer. 2) You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but …
Deer or Dear?
A man goes deer hunting and successfully fills his freezer with venison. One night he cooks some up for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their …
Women vs Men
Woman’s Perfect Breakfast She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. Woman’s Revenge “Cash, check or …
Ed Zachary Disease
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex …
Retirement Info
Here’s a little retirement info for you: If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago you would have $49.00 left. With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00. With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left. But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of …
Cold is a Relative Thing in Michigan
60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. People in Michigan plant gardens. 50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Michigan sunbathe. 40 above zero: Italian & English cars won’t start. People in Michigan drive with the windows down. 32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in Lake Michigan gets thicker. 20 above …
Puppies For Sale
I will soon have bird dog pups for sale. Anyone who is interested please contact me as soon as possible. The litter will probably be between 7 to 10 pups , which I will sell at a very reasonable price. Here is a photo of the parents of the litter, to give you an idea …
Bubba and the Psychiatrist
Bubba went to a psychiatrist. ‘I’ve got problems Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.’ ‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink. ‘Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid …
Sex is Missing Again
Folks generally aren’t very creative in choosing names for their dogs. That’s why there are so many named Rover and Spot. But have you heard the plight of the fellow who thought he’d be cute and name his dog Sex? It goes like this: “One day Sex and I took a walk and he ran …
Is America at War?
As I came out of the supermarket that sunny day, pushing my cart of groceries towards my car, I saw an old man with the hood of his car up and a lady sitting inside the car, with the door open. The old man was looking at the engine. I put my groceries away in …
The Wrong Bitch
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged French woman’s poodle. The war weary Marine asked, ‘Ma’am, may I have that seat?’The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular …
Differences Between Women And Men
1. NAMES If Rebecca, Linda, Anna and Jeanne go out for lunch, they will call each other Rebecca, Linda, Anna and Jeanne. If Mark, Harold, Dave and Rob go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Harold, Dave and …
Cat Baths
A few thoughts on cat baths…by The Cat “But You Said You Loved Me!” “You will pay, as God is my witness, you will pay.” “Jeepers, you call this water warm???” “I don’t think I like you anymore.” “You SUCK!!!!!!” “E.T. phone home……quick!” “No, I’m not your Good Little Kitty anymore.” “Traction….I’m losing Traction!” “I …