Sep 17

Did You Know?

1. Your shoes are the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes.

2. If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there’s a 50% chance you’ll die within the next 3 years.

3. There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you.
There’s a 9% chance that you’ll meet one of them in your lifetime.

4. Sleeping without a pillow reduces back pain and keeps your spine stronger.

5. A person’s height is determined by their father, and their weight is determined by their mother.

6. If a part of your body “falls asleep”, You can almost always “wake it up” by shaking your head.

7. There are three things the human brain cannot resist noticing – food, attractive people and danger.

8. Right-handed people tend to chew food on their right side

9. Putting dry tea bags in gym bags or smelly shoes will absorb the unpleasant odor.

10. According to Albert Einstein, if honey bees were to disappear from earth, humans would be dead within 4 years.

11. There are so many kinds of apples, that if you ate a new one everyday, it would take over 20 years to try them all.

12. You can survive without eating for weeks, but you will only live 11 days without sleeping.

13. People who laugh a lot are healthier than those who don’t.

14. Laziness and inactivity kills just as many people as smoking.

15. A human brain has a capacity to store 5 times as much information as Wikipedia.

16. Our brain uses the same amount of power as a 10-watt light bulb!!

17. Our body gives enough heat in 30 mins to boil 1.5 liters of water!!

18. The Ovum egg is the largest cell and the sperm is the smallest cell !!

19. Stomach acid (conc. HCl) is strong enough to dissolve razor blades!!

20. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day & while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate antidepressant.

21. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

22. When you wake up in the morning, pray to ask God’s guidance for your purpose today.

23. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

24. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, broccoli, and almonds.

25. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

26. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

27. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

28. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

29. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Forgive them for everything.

30. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

31. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

32. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.

33. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

34. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

35. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’

36. Help the needy, Be generous! Be a ‘Giver’ not a ‘Taker’.

37. What other people think of you is none of your business.

38. Time heals everything.

39. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

40. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. Each night before you go to bed, pray to God and be thankful for what you accomplished, today.

43. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

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Sep 16

Any Drugs?

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Sep 15

They walk among us!

1.They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the money back …. same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.

2.They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail

I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said ‘buy one-get one free.’ ‘They’re already buy-one-get-one-free,’ she said, ‘so I guess they’re both free’. She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.

3.They Walk Among Us!

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, ‘Look at that dead bird!’ Someone looked up at the sky and said, ‘Where?’

4.They Walk Among Us!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, ‘Does the sun rise in the North?’ When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, ‘Oh I don’t keep up with all that stuff.’

5.They Walk Among Us!!

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, ‘The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.’ He responded, ‘Is that Eastern or Pacific time?’ Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, ‘Uh, Pacific.’

6.They Walk Among Us!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk!

7.They Walk Among Us!

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

8.They Walk Among Us!

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. ‘Now,’ she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?’

9.They Walk Among Us!

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. ‘Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.’

Yep, They Walk Among Us!

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Sep 14

Having a Bad Day?

How’s Your day Going? Hope it’s way better than these people experienced…….Yikes!

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Sep 13

How to Call the Police When You’re Old

Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”

He said “No,” but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available”

George said, “Okay.”

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now,” and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

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Sep 11

The Real Laws

1.Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

2.Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3.Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5.Variation Law – If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. This is also true when you change checkout lines at Walmart,
K-Mart and the grocery store.

6.Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

8.Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!

9.Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10.Law of the Theatre & Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11.The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12.Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13.Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14.Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.

15. Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

16.Law of Public Speaking — A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

17.Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

18.Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

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Sep 09

Undesirable Face Tattoo

Brings new meaning to the term, “Dickhead.”

Dickhead

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Sep 08

The Parrot

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

Parrot

“Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.”

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.”

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought “that’s really not so bad.” When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.”

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, the woman’s husband Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “Hi Keith.”

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Sep 07

Tokyo Tower

If you live on the Island of Honshu, Japan or even just traveling, you may want to take the time to stop by Tokyo and visit the Tokyo Tower. This tower is a symbol of Tokyo and it gives you a wonderful 360 degree panoramic view of the city. This as a popular dating spot destination amongst many young Japanese couples.
Tokyo Tower Guide Book

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Aug 30

2014 College Football Humor

Urban Meyer on one of his players: “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”

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Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.

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What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.

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How many Ohio State freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That’s a sophomore course.

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How did the Georgia football player die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.

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Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods.
One of them said, “Look, a dead bird.”
The other looked up in the sky and said, “Where?”

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A Notre Dame University football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident. He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.

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What do you say to a Louisiana State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit?”
“Will the defendant please rise.”

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If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving?
The police officer.

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