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So I was going through a box I have of old stuff from high school and I found these McDonald’s signs for burgers of the month. I can’t believe I still have these things. Before I throw them away I decided to scan them into my computer and share them because the date on these signs says 1992. If you were curious as to different McDonald’s burgers of the month from Lowell, Michigan McDonald’s, here they are. There is the Bacon Double Cheeseburger Meal, The Quarter Pounder Club Meal, and also the Mushroom Swiss Quarter Pounder Meal. To be quite honest they look pretty delicious, but the thing that made my jaw drop is look at the price of these things. $3.29? Oh how nice it would be to go back to those prices. I wonder if instead of throwing these away, I should take them to the closest McDonald’s and stick them to McDonald’s windows. Then when people start ordering these burgers the McDonald’s staff will freak out. Now that would be funny.
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Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blond women that way? What does the color of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all Blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general…pathetically all in the name of humor!”
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells: “You stay out of this! I’m talking to that little shit on your lap.”
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Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, ‘Hello?’ ‘Hi Honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the Phone? ‘.
‘No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Gabe.’
After a brief pause, Daddy says, ‘but Honey, you don’t have an Uncle Gabe.’
‘Oh Yes I do, and He’s upstairs with Mommy in the room, right now.’
‘Uh, okay then, this is what I Want You to do. Put the phone down on the Table, Run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that. Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway. ‘.
‘Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.’
A few minutes later the Little Girl comes back to the Phone…’I did it, Daddy.’
‘And what happened, honey?’
‘Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit on her head the dresser and now she is not at all Moving!’
‘Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Gabe? ‘.
‘He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and jumped out of the back window he and into the swimming pool. But I guess he did not know that you took out the water last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.’
Even Longer Pause.
Then Daddy says, ‘Swimming pool? (Confused) Is this 486-5731?
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A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, ‘Harry, what exactly is your problem?’
Harry answered, ‘I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!’
Ms. Brooks finally had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he happily agreed to take the test.
Principal: ‘What is 3 x 3?’
Principal: ‘What is 6 x 6?’
And so it went with every question the principal thought a bright 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, ‘Y’know I reckon Harry can go to the 3rd grade’ But Ms. Brooks is still skeptical of the little bugger and says to the principal, ‘Not so fast, let me ask him a few questions…’ The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms. Brooks asks, ‘What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?’
Harry, after a moment: ‘Legs.’
Ms. Brooks: ‘What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?’
The principal wondered why she would ask such a question!
Harry replied: ‘Pockets.’ to the Principal’s great relief…..
Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a dog do that a man steps into?’
By now, the principal is sitting forward with his mouth hanging open… Ms. Brooks: ‘What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?’ Now the principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could intervene, Harry replied, ‘Bubble gum.’
Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?’
Harry: ‘Shake hands.’
The principal is now trembling with apprehension as Ms. Brooks asks the last question… Ms. Brooks: ‘What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ and indicates a great deal of heat and excitement?’
The principal breaths a huge sigh of relief and tells the teacher, ”Put the little bastard in 5th-Grade, I got the last seven questions wrong myself…”
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For the last six odd years, almost all of the things I wanted to write or say, have been stymied by that modern term referred to as ‘POLITICAL CORRECTNESS’.. Although I consider myself reasonably fluent in English, that term was not in my vocabulary. Curiosity got the better of me so I decided to do a little research, and after two weeks of chasing fruitless leads, I found what I’d been looking for at the Truman Library and Museum in Independence Missouri. An unnamed source there sent me copies of four telegrams between then-President Harry Truman and Gen Douglas MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the WW2 Surrender Agreement in September 1945.. The contents of those four telegrams below are exactly as received at the end of the war – not a word has been added or deleted!
(1) Tokyo, Japan
To: President Harry S Truman
From: General D A MacArthur
Tomorrow we meet with those yellow-bellied bastards and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions?
(2) Washington, D C
1300-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur
From: H S Truman
Congratulations, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press, because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct!
(4) Washington, D C
2120-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz
From: H S Truman
Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end!
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