A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmacist: “I got a hot date ! tonight , an’ I need me some pertection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?” The pharmacist responds: “A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax.” “TACKS!” the shocked redneck says. …
Category: Humor
Groaner
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset. “You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce straight …
Those Crazy Bikers
A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage …
Grouchy
A 5th grader asked her mother the age-old question, ‘How did I get here?’ Her mother told her, ‘God sent you.’ ‘Did God send you,too?’ asked the child. ‘Yes,Dear,’ the mother replied. ‘What about Grandma and Grandpa?’ the child persisted. ‘He sent them also,’ the mother said. ‘Did he send their parents,too?’ asked the child. …
Just Like In The Movies?
An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. ‘What are you so happy about?’ asks the barman. ‘Well, I’ll tell you,’ replies the ugly man. ‘You know I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the …
Midnight on the Sleeper Car
A man and a woman who had never met before, and were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly….. He in the upper bunk and she in …
The “Middle Wife” by an Anonymous 2nd Grade Teacher
I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps …
Movie Poster – Broke Back Mountain 2
Related Posts A Taste of Freedom Joe Biden The Magician Men Wearing Dresses Celebrate Mother’s Day Today Busy Night at Stone Henge as Workers Move all the Stones Forward One Hour
Orthopedic Bed Just for Men
Someone has finally made an orthopedic bed just for men. Available only at “Butts, Boobs and Beyond” Related Posts Top Four Adult Jokes of 2009 Confounded Sex Side Effect
Old Age
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today..” The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, …
Marriage’s Most Popular Bedroom Move: The Begging Dog and the Sleeping Possum
It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead. Related Posts Would You Marry Again? The Female Demerit System My Wife is Dead
Redneck Birth Control
Related Posts A Taste of Freedom Joe Biden The Magician Men Wearing Dresses Celebrate Mother’s Day Today Busy Night at Stone Henge as Workers Move all the Stones Forward One Hour
Signs That You May be Having a Bad Day
1.) You woke up in a strange place 2.) Your new diet doesn’t seem to be working 3.) You pulled a muscle while trying to exercise 4.) Your new hat looked better on you at the store 5.) You keep losing things 6.) You feel like you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time …
Chelsea Clinton
Chelsea Clinton recently discussed current events with a U.S. soldier. She asked if, as an American fighting man, anything scared him. He told her there were only three things he feared: 1) Osama 2) Obama And 3) Yo Mama! Related Posts USMC Best Joke of the Year The End of a Hunt: Bin Laden’s Death …
Real Men of Genius
Related Posts A Taste of Freedom Joe Biden The Magician Men Wearing Dresses Celebrate Mother’s Day Today Busy Night at Stone Henge as Workers Move all the Stones Forward One Hour
What is a 710?
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, “What is a seven-hundred-ten?” She replied, “You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and …
Investment Tips for 2008
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in 2008. 1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, …
A Rotten Old Thing
It seems that there were twin brothers by the name of Jones, John and Joe. John was married and Joe was single. Joe was the proud owner of a dilapidated boat. It so happened that Joe’s boat sank on the same day that John’s wife died. A few days later a kindly old lady met …
Government Health Warning: Do Not Swallow Chewing Gum
Related Posts A Woman’s Orgasm Isn’t Necessary If She Has Small Boobs You Can Still Motorboat Someone Left Their Blowup Doll on the Airplane United We Stand, With Biden We Fall
And so the Story Goes!
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.” Arthur thought about it for a …
Turkey
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, “Where did you get that turkey?” The boy replied, “What turkey?” The game warden said, “That turkey you’re carrying under your arm.” The boy look down and …
Hot Date in Tennessee
A young Tennessee man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmacist: ‘I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some pertection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?’ The pharmacist responds: ‘A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax.’ ‘TACKS!’ the shocked redneck says. ‘Gawd a’mighty, …
Things You’ve Always Wanted to Know…
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it!) …
Blonde Logic
Blonde Logic Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away… Florida or the moon?” The other blonde turns and says “Helloooooo oooo, can you see Florida?” Car Trouble A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She …
Why Politicians Are Always the Most Expensive Dish
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu… + Tourist: $5 + Broiled Missionary: $10.00 + Fried Explorer: $15.00 + Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00 The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, ‘Why …
Women Explained by Engineers
Related Posts A Taste of Freedom Joe Biden The Magician Men Wearing Dresses Celebrate Mother’s Day Today Busy Night at Stone Henge as Workers Move all the Stones Forward One Hour
My Private Part Died Today
An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living the last of his life in a nursing Home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong. “Yes, Nurse Tracy,” said Mr. Wallace, “My Private Part died today and I am very sad.” Knowing her patients were forgetful …