Oil Change Instructions

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1.) Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometres since the last oil change.
2.) Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
3.) 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $40.00
Coffee: $2.00
Total: $42.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:
1.) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.
2.) Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home..
3.) Open a beer and drink it.
4.) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5.) Find jack stands under caravan.
6.) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7.) Place drain pan under engine.
8.) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9.) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10.) Unscrew drain plug.
11.) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
12.) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13.) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14.) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15.) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16.) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly, hide old oil filter among rubbish in wheely bin to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17.) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18.) Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.
19.) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20.) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21.) Drink beer.
22.) Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23.) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24.) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25.) Begin swearing fit.
26.) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27.) Swear for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28.) Beer.
29.) Cleanup hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30.) Beer.
31.) Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
32.) Beer.
33.) Lower car from jack stands.
34.) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35.) Beer.
36.) Test drive car.
37.) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38.) Car is impounded.
39.) Call loving wife, make bail.
40.) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2400.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $40.00
Total: $4,085.00
But you know the job was done right!

Financial Institutions Handle Privacy

[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to analyze why many financial institutions assess privacy as a compliance issue as opposed to a risk management issue. Included within this document are two different current regulations to help consumers protect their privacy. Also included within this document is an example of the primary causes of network threats to an individual’s privacy. An assessment of organizations or governments should do to prevent these threats is included. Finally, a difficult single privacy threat is identified and a proposal to how organizations can counter it.

[Content]
Many financial institutions view safeguarding personal information as a compliance issue as opposed to a risk management issue. Government regulations, like the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act, dictate how financial institutions safeguard consumer’s private information (Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System, 2002). Many federal regulations do not supersede state laws, but rather work in conjunction with them. Financial institutions have strict directives from both state and federal levels of government that they have to adhere to when handing consumer’s nonpublic information. The structured human activities that follow how uncertainty towards a threat is managed are exactly what risk management is. Risk management is a slower process that may require more personnel or resources. In the business world time is money so many companies may take a government compliance approach as opposed to a proactive risk management approach.

Two different active regulations that are currently being used to ensure personal non-public information is being safeguarded are the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act and the Privacy Act of 1974. The Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act is meant to ensure that financial institutions do not release consumer’s personal information without notifying the consumer first. The Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act also governs how financial institutions’ handle consumer’s information and prevents financial institutions from reusing or redisplaying consumer’s information to a 3rd party (Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System, 2002). The Privacy Act of 1974 states that no personal information in part or in whole will be released to any persons or organizations without written consent. There is an exception to the Privacy Act that states that the consensus bureau can use personal information for statistical uses, routine government uses within an agency, law enforcement purposes, and other administrative purposes are all allowable uses of personal information without consent (United States Department of Justice, 2003). The Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act and the Privacy Act of 1974 have been put in place to protect people or consumers from having their information disseminated intentionally or unintentionally by unauthorized people or organizations.

The primary cause of network threats, as they pertain to privacy, ironically does not come from the network, but rather is a human error from improper configuration of devices. A major privacy concern for users on any network is ensuring that only authorized personnel have access to private or personal information. Improper configuration of a user account or a group account can unintentionally give unauthorized users access to personal information. Improperly configured file permissions can give unauthorized access to private information. Improper configuration of networking devices, both wired or wireless, can allow unauthorized hosts on a network in which they can gain access to nonpublic information. Firewalls that are not properly configured can allow unauthorized access to network resources and information from threats that reside on different networks. System and network administrators making improper configurations of hosts or devices on a network poses a primary cause of network threats.

Organizations and governments can ensure the primary cause of network threats are minimized by ensuring accountability. In order to ensure accountability organizations or governments need to first put a policy in place to ensure everybody is aware that they are responsible for their actions and misconfigurations are not acceptable. Next organizations and governments should ensure all necessary personnel are properly trained. Organizations or governments can ensure accountability by withholding access to computer system log files and periodically reviewing the files to ensure all policies and procedures are being met. Log files should also be reviewed for any and all networking devices like routers or switches. Finally when an incident is found and traced back to an individual, that individual needs to be held accountable by either being terminated or handed over to the proper authorities based upon the severity of the incident.

One of the most difficult privacy threats that exists, is how others who are not in your control handle your private information, however there are ways to minimize the risk. Working with only trusted people, organizations, or governments ensures that private information is going to be handled in the correct manner. In the event that an e-mail that contains private information is sent to a 3rd party, encrypting or digitally signing the e-mail ensures that only authorized access is granted to that information. Maintaining physical control of any computers or digital media ensures no unauthorized access is allowed. In the event that physical control cannot be maintained, digitally encrypting private information on that computer or digital media can help ensure only authorized access is allowed to that information. Something as simple as securing any documentation, media, or computers can keep private data out of the reach of 3rd party people, like janitors, who may have access to an office, but do not need access to the information. By working with trusted sources, securing any and all private data, and ensuring encryption is being used on physical or electronic media are ways that companies or governments can counter privacy threats.

References
1. (2002, June). Small-Entity Compliance Guide. Regulation P: Privacy of Consumer Financial Information, Retrieved January 7th, 2008, from http://www.federalreserve.gov/regulations/cg/reg_p_cg.pdf
2. (2003, September 26th). THE PRIVACY ACT OF 1974, 5 U.S.C. ¬ß 552a — As Amended. Retrieved January 7, 2009, from THE PRIVACY ACT OF 1974, 5 U.S.C. ¬ß 552a — As Amended Web site: [URL Removed Broken link]

Top Seven Idiots of 2008

Number One Idiot of 2008

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away.

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Number Two Idiot of 2008

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locater beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

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Number Three Idiot of 2008

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, ‘Put all your muny in this bag.’ While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, ‘OK’ and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

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Number Four Idiot of 2008

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, ‘Because I don’t believe you are over 21.’ The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn’t believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

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Idiot Number Five of 2008

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, ‘Nobody move!’ When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

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Idiot Number Six of 2008

Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

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Idiot Number Seven of 2008

I live in a semi-rural area ( Weyauwega , Wisconsin ). We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! – I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’

Gotemba Premium Outlets

Today I wanted to drive over toward Mount Fuji to see what it was looking like at this time of year. On the way over there I happened to notice some premium outlet stores at Gotemba and it looked like a good place to stop and look around. The outlet stores must be pretty popular because they were packed and there was busloads of people that kept arriving. I decided to walk around and look at the outlet stores. I went into a G-Shock store, but their selection of G-Shock watches was terrible. I asked them if they had any solar powered G-shock watches and they showed me this selection that looked like some cheap 3 dollar watches that had the name G-Shock stamped onto them. I literally wouldn’t have paid more than $5.00 for one of those watches, but they were charing about $100. I went into the Oakley store to see what they had to offer. They had a bunch of snow boarding clothes, backpacks, and of course sunglasses, but the problem was with the clothes that they were all Japanese sizes. Good luck trying to find any large clothes in Japan. I ended up walking through some other stores, but the one thing I noticed is that they had very limited selection of items on the floor and the prices were crazy. I guess I’m going to be stuck doing my clothes shopping online or wait until I can go somewhere else.

Photos of Drive on the Tomei Express from Kanagawa to Shizuoka Prefecture

Took a drive on the Tomei expressway from Kanagawa Prefecture to Shizuoka Prefecture. Here are some photos I took along the way. If you look you can see Mount Fuji in some of the photos.

thekumachan_Japan-1thekumachan_Japan-2thekumachan_Japan-3thekumachan_Japan-4thekumachan_Japan-5thekumachan_Japan-6thekumachan_Japan-7thekumachan_Japan-8thekumachan_Japan-9

Happy New Year!

This year for New Year’s Eve, I decided to go to Shibuya, Tokyo. I went to a dance club called Womb. On the way to club Womb I passed a couple other clubs and there were lines out the door. This club seemed as though it was more low key as there was a door man and no sign out front. Once inside the club it cost 5,000 Yen per person, then another 500 yen for them to store the items you have and then 500 yen per drink. Once I got through the door, there was about 30 minutes before midnight, and I went into this small room. While waiting in line for a drink I started talking to another person and I asked them if this was the whole club. He said no it wasn’t and to go upstairs. So I decided to fight through all the people trying to get into the front door to head for the stairs. Once I got upstairs this place was packed with people. The room had a couple DJ’s on one side of the room with a huge disco ball hanging from the ceiling and a bar in the back of the room and laser lights projecting onto a huge screen the exact time it was until the countdown began. Everywhere between there were people packed so tight that when the crowd moved, everybody in the room moved. I stayed in this room until the turn of the new year, probably because it was so tight in there that I couldn’t move, then I decided to go upstairs to see what else this club had to offer. There were a couple more rooms with Hi-NRG techno music playing, but it wasn’t long that I got sick of being stuck in the crowd. I ended up leaving there and going to a more low key bar and stayed in there until about 6 A.M. It was a fun night and definitely a cool experience, but I was amazed that there wasn’t more people passing out and needing to be rushed to the hospital.

Atlanta Burger King Sign

Proof that the Atlanta city school system works! This is an actual picture of a Burger King in Atlanta.


Merry Christmas from DJ Dave 3D Ward

Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother.

Santa wrote back: “Send me your mother…”

Perfect Christmas Present for Men

Christmas lights

After several weeks of nagging from my dear wife I finally put up the Christmas Lights. I mean she would not let up! It’s a good thing I love her!

A Heartwarming Story

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”

‘The cop asked, ‘What’s he like?’

The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, “Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits.”

When a Deer Comes Knocking


Who is knocking at my back door? I’m not sure who the source is, but interesting nonetheless.

Tokyo Tower

Went to Roppongi today to check out the Tokyo tower and enjoy a panoramic view of Tokyo. The weather wasn’t the most clear, but it was still good. I could see Rainbow bridge, Fuji television in Odaiba, and other parts of the city. Here are the photos I took during this adventure.

thekumachan_Tokyo_tower_Japan-1thekumachan_Tokyo_tower_Japan-2thekumachan_Tokyo_tower_Japan-3thekumachan_Tokyo_tower_Japan-4thekumachan_Tokyo_tower_Japan-5thekumachan_Tokyo_tower_Japan-6thekumachan_Tokyo_tower_Japan-7thekumachan_Tokyo_tower_Japan-8thekumachan_Tokyo_tower_Japan-9thekumachan_Tokyo_tower_Japan-10thekumachan_Tokyo_tower_Japan-11thekumachan_Tokyo_tower_Japan-12thekumachan_Tokyo_tower_Japan-13

Retired Sailor

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads to the docks once more for old times’ sake. He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He’s soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, “How am I doing?”

The prostitute replies, “Well old sailor, you’re doing about 3 knots.”

Three knots he asks, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She says, “You’re knot hard, you’re knot in, and you’re knot getting your money back.”

Nightmare Renters

a close up of a cluttered tablea cluttered rooma group of items on a tablea kitchen with a sink and a refrigerator
What do you mean I can’t get my rental deposit back?

Penis Research

The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man’s penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study. After$250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

Newfoundlanders, unsatisfied with these findings,conducted their own study. After 2 weeks, a cost of around $75.46, and 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man’s hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.

A Dog’s Intuition

Have you ever heard that a dog ‘knows’ when an earthquake is about to hit? Have you ever heard that a dog can ‘sense’ when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away? Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed? Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other serious illnesses and danger of fire? Somehow they always know when they can ‘go for a ride’ before you even ask and how do those dogs and cats get home from hundreds of miles away?

I’m a firm believer that animals – and especially dogs – have keen insights into the Truth. And you can’t tell me that dogs can’t sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance. Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn’t right … when impending doom is upon us . . . they’ll always try to warn us…!

Victoria Secret


You’ve probably wondered what exactly Victoria’s Secret is…An abusive marriage? A child out of wedlock? Substance abuse? Nope. Much worse…After years of suspense…The Question is finally answered, “What, exactly, is Victoria’s Secret?”

Scary Halloween Story

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween-night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER…
FASTER…
BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP….

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.

clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP…on his heels, as the terrified man runs. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket…and, The coffin stops.

Best Pumpkin

How Badly Do You Want A Beer?

Australian Speed Bump

Drunk Pumpkin

The Box Office


While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc. Finally, she said, “Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan.”

An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, “Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?”

When the attendant came by he said “Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?”

“Yes,”! said the attendant, “In fact, this entire crew is female.”

“My God,” he said, “I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don’t know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.”

“That’s another thing, Sergeant,” said the crew member, “We No Longer Call It The Cockpit”……”It’s The Box Office.”

How to be Cruel to Old Guys!

Lil’ ole lady

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.

She asked, ‘Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?’

The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.’

The old lady suggested, ‘Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?’

‘Why thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says ‘Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.’

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, ‘I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’

The farmer said, ‘Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’

The old lady replied, ‘Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.

Motivational Posters #2


Here are some more motivational posters. Some may be duplicate images with different messages…entertaining none the less.

Mowing & Beer

On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.

The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung.!”

I took a drink from my can of Miller Lite, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied, “I am, that’s why she cuts the grass.”

Redneck Fire Alarm

Rye Bread

Two old guys, one 70 and one 77, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 77 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.

The 70 year old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 77 year old said “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”

So, on the way home, the 70 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, “Do you have any rye bread?” She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?”

He said, “I want 5 loaves.”

She said, “My goodness, 5 loaves, by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it’ll be hard”

He replied, “I can’t believe it, everybody in the world knows about this shit but me.”