An elderly man went to his doctor and said, ‘Doc, I think I’m getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.’ ‘That’s not senility,’ replied the doctor. ‘Senility is when you forget to zip down.’ Related Posts Elderly Couple Surgery Couple in Their Nineties
Category: Humor
Brothel Trip
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. ‘I’m 90 years old,’ he says. ’90!’ replies the woman. ‘Don’t you realize you’ve had it?’ ‘Oh, sorry,’ says the old man. …
Confession
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: ‘I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.’ Priest: ‘Are …
Donation
Father O’Malley answers the phone. ‘Hello, is this Father O’Malley?’ ‘It is!’ ‘This is the Internal Revenue Service . Can you help us?’ ‘I can!’ ‘Do you know a Ted Houlihan?’ ‘I do!’ ‘Is he a member of your congregation?’ ‘He is!’ ‘Did he donate $10,000 to the church?’ ‘He will.’ Related Posts Toast of …
What’s in a name?
She named him Dick! Related Posts After almost 60 years of marriage… Penis Enlarger Marriage Seminar
Irish Pastor
The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor in a small town in Ireland.. One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The Reverend wasn’t happy about that! He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down …
The Blonde and the Lord
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She’d seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, “There are no fish under the …
Great to Grow Old
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living …
The New 2012 Ford
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women. Mixing the Renault ‘Clio’ and the Ford ‘Taurus’ they have designed the ‘Clitaurus’. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won’t be able to find it – let alone turn it on – even if someone tells him …
Those Darn Pills
The sex between the wife and me had been a bit unsatisfying of late, So she told me, “Go to the pharmacy and get some of those pills that will help you to get an erection.” You can imagine her reaction when I came back from the drug store and tossed her the diet pills!……damn …
The New Italian Lamborghini Gallardo Police Car
The new Italian Lamborghini Gallardo police car at its unveiling ceremony, one of two new high speed patrol cars in the Italian police force, needed to catch speeding drivers: What a car! Pity they couldn’t find someone who could drive it… Mamma Mia! Related Posts Be Careful When You Have a Fast Car, it Could …
Puns
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.” 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. 4. A dyslexic …
Sensitive Men’s Stories
1. I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. I said, “Morning.” He said, “No, just taking a shit”. 2. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so …
The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says: “Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk.” “Si, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon. …
Two Buddies
Two buddies, Fred and Jerry, were getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Jerry throws up all over himself. ‘Oh, no… Now my wife will kill me!’ Fred says, ‘Don’t worry, pal. Just tuck a TWENTY in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you TWENTY …
Golf Wisdom
Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls. If you’re afraid a full shot might …
Dictator
Related Posts A Taste of Freedom Joe Biden The Magician Men Wearing Dresses Celebrate Mother’s Day Today Busy Night at Stone Henge as Workers Move all the Stones Forward One Hour
Andy Rooney on Sex
1. When I was born, I was given a choice – a big pecker or a good memory….I don’t remember what I chose. 2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 4. Impotence: nature’s way of …
Date Expectations
A while back, I picked up a lovely date at her parents’ home. I’d scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail. Lobster Patron. Champagne. I asked her, “Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?” “No,” …
Winning
Related Posts A Woman’s Orgasm Isn’t Necessary If She Has Small Boobs You Can Still Motorboat Someone Left Their Blowup Doll on the Airplane United We Stand, With Biden We Fall
Exercise Routine For Seniors
Related Posts A Taste of Freedom Joe Biden The Magician Men Wearing Dresses Celebrate Mother’s Day Today Busy Night at Stone Henge as Workers Move all the Stones Forward One Hour
Bulging Pockets
A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls.” The blonde continued to look at him for …
Survival of the Dumbest: The 2011 Darwin Awards
You’ve been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado, here are the 2011 Darwin Awards: Eighth Place In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. Seventh Place A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, …
Words
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day…30,000 to a man’s 15,000. The wife replied, ‘The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…The husband then turned to his wife and asked, ‘What?’ Related Posts Male Logic Quiet Sex Quiet Sex
One of the Best Anti-Carjacking Devices
Related Posts A Taste of Freedom Joe Biden The Magician Men Wearing Dresses Celebrate Mother’s Day Today Busy Night at Stone Henge as Workers Move all the Stones Forward One Hour
Great Conversation Starter
Related Posts A Taste of Freedom Joe Biden The Magician Men Wearing Dresses Celebrate Mother’s Day Today Busy Night at Stone Henge as Workers Move all the Stones Forward One Hour
Philosophers’ Views of Wives and Marriage
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. David Bissonette After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.. Sacha Guitry By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be …
New Restaurant
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would Recommend it very highly.’ The other man said, ‘What …
Elderly Couple
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember … Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the …
The Snow Storm
I just got off the phone with a girlfriend, living in northern North Dakota near the Canadian border. She said that since early this morning the snow has nearly reached waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. Her husband …
Blue Cross or Obama Care
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure, a beautiful nurse comes into his room, takes his vitals, then tells him to take off all of his clothes. When he is fully undressed, she instructs him to lie down on a table. The man obeys. The nurse then removes all of …