Tag: Sex

Jewish Mother’s Know Best

A Jewish daughter says to her mother, “I’m divorcing Nathan.” All he wants is sex, sex, and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50 – cent piece when it used to be the size of a nickel.” Her mother says… “You’re married to a multi – millionaire businessman! You live in …

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Church Bells

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie told her grandmother …

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The Man Who Gave up Sex for Golf

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. “Boy, I’d give anything to sink this putt,” the golfer mumbles to himself. Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, “Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?” Thinking the …

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Back Door

I was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, β€œIt’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!” Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers like that every day!

Those Darn Pills

The sex between the wife and me had been a bit unsatisfying of late, So she told me, “Go to the pharmacy and get some of those pills that will help you to get an erection.” You can imagine her reaction when I came back from the drug store and tossed her the diet pills!……damn …

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Andy Rooney on Sex

1. When I was born, I was given a choice – a big pecker or a good memory….I don’t remember what I chose. 2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 4. Impotence: nature’s way of …

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Smile About Sex

Let’s Offend Everyone

– I had just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage roll. A poor homeless man sat there and said ‘I’ve not eaten for two days’ I told him ‘I wish I had your f**king will power’. – I got fired on my …

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Who Wants To Be a Millionaire

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’ She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’ So I said, “Then …

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How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Hunting Flies” he responded. “Oh. Killing any?” she asked. “Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied. Intrigued, she asked; “How can you tell them apart?” He responded, “3 were on a beer can, …

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