Tag: Humor
Breast Height Check
Getting older stinks and so do these measurements.
Smart-ass Answers of 2017
SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during an airline flight. ‘Would you like dinner?’, the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.. ‘What are my choices?’ John asked. ‘Yes or no,’ she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she …
New Store
Two businessmen in a new shopping mall were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop… As yet, the shop wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, “I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what …
Jewish Cab Driver
A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid on the back seat. The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with …
Catholic Morning Coffee
Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.” The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call …
Tale of Two Alligators
Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.” “Well,” said the big …
True Courage
Is it fighting a bull without a weapon? Is it flying a fighter in combat? Is it free fall parachuting? Is it bungee jumping? Is it white water rafting? Ah – But aare nothing! This, my friend, is true courage: (It’s also the last photo I have of my dog.)
Demonstration of Love
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him? “Some women answered …
How is Your Day Going?
Now that I think about it, my day is going pretty good.
Wisdom of an Older Man
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall. “Excuse me; I can’t seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, “Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?” “I …
Yiddish Humor
A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?” The man says, “I make a good living.” ————————————————————————————————————— I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. ————————————————————————————————————— I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out, she’ll …
Golf Club Locker Room
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: “Hello” WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and …
Republican Truck
I stopped by the Ford Dealership in Temecula yesterday, for a look at the new F-150 aluminum pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new truck “feel” before they become old. The salesperson, a very nice looking black lady, wearing a “Hillary for President” lapel …
Aircraft Maintenance Humor
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a’gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. …
Sleeping With Mick
The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Mick, because he snored so badly. They decid ed it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Mick and comes to breakfast the next morning …
Robot for Sale
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, “I did some schoolwork.” The robot slaps the son. The son says, “Ok, Ok. I was at a friend’s …
Blow Dryer Mishap
A good lesson for all… Bob’s wife caught him blow-drying his pecker this morning and asked him what the hell he was doing? Apparently, “heating up your breakfast” was not the right answer.
Husband Makes The Lunches
For the 1st time in their 3 year marriage, a wife asked if her husband would mind making the next day’s lunches for them both. Obligingly he agrees. The next morning, the young wife asks her loving husband, ‘Where are our lunches honey?’ He replied, ‘I put them on the second shelf of the fridge. …
