Tag: wedding

Elderly Wedding Vows

The Wedding Night

Mike was going to be married to Jane, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, ‘Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, ‘Here, try these on!, She did and said, ‘These …

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40 Years of Marriage

A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a …

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Young King Arthur

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer …

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Great to Grow Old

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living …

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British Wedding Photograph

This is a very nice souvenir photograph of 24 newly wedded couples in Enfield , near London…I just hope, for their sake, that each husband goes home with the right tablecloth!

Why Are Men Never Depressed?

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack… You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a …

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Wedding Party

At a wedding party recently someone yelled, “All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.” The bartender was almost crushed to death.

Wedding Anniversary Sex

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary The husband yells, ‘When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads: ‘Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever’.’ ‘Yeah,’ she replies, ‘when you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads: Here Lies My Husband – Stiff …

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Pants and Panties

Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat. He said, ‘Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, ‘Here, try these on..” She did and said, ‘These …

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Single vs. Engaged vs. Married

Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, “Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend’s office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He …

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Morals

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me…It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two and gorgeous. One day her ‘little’ sister called and asked me to …

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Hallmark Writers

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day…….. My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire… I noticed your cat. Sorry! Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don’t fret about it.. . She moved in with me. Looking back …

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Sex is Missing Again

Folks generally aren’t very creative in choosing names for their dogs. That’s why there are so many named Rover and Spot. But have you heard the plight of the fellow who thought he’d be cute and name his dog Sex? It goes like this: “One day Sex and I took a walk and he ran …

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A mystery unfolded……

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Washington, DC has recently revealed the true story. When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the …

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Updated Oldy: Democratic Convention

7:00 pm ~ Opening flag burning 7:15 pm ~ Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N. 7:20 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 7:25 pm ~ Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton 7:45 pm ~ Ceremonial tree hugging 7:55 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 8:00 pm ~ How …

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Twenty Dollars

On their wedding night, the young bride Approached her new Husband and asked for $20.00 for their first Lovemaking encounter. In His highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more Than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a Cute way for her to …

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Chinese Newlyweds

A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. “My darring,” he whispers, …

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$20.00

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to …

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Wedding Terms

On their wedding night, the young bride told her groom “Since we’re married now, we can arrange our sex life like this: In the evening if my hair is done, that means I don’t want sex at all. If my hair is somewhat undone, that means I may or may not have sex. Last…. if …

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Brooklyn Tony

Theteacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence andyou shoot one of them, how many will be left ?”She calls on Brooklyn Tony. He replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.” Theteacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”‘, ‘Then Brooklyn Tony …

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Make Time for Loved Ones

After 21 years of marriage, My wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, “I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.” The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who …

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Roping

A young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. After the wedding they left for their honeymoon and while driving down the road, the new bride saw a bull and a cow having sex. She asks, “What are they doing honey?” He answers, “They are roping!” She replies, “Oh, I see.” They drive a few …

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Government

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you”ve been married ten times?” “Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me …

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