Tag: head

Why is the Bathroom on a Ship Called The Head?

Have you ever wondered why the bathroom on a ship is called the “head?” Here is the answer.

Poker

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Les’ wife, Sue wasn’t wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table …

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2016 United States Presidential Race Views

I’m an American trying to do my due diligence by paying attention to the political race that has been going on and when I look at the candidates this is what I see. Please be mindful that it is early and I haven’t had all the time in the world to research every candidate out …

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Ring Ring Ring …

Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, ‘Hello?’ ‘Hi Honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the Phone? ‘. ‘No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Gabe.’ After a brief pause, Daddy says, ‘but Honey, you don’t have an Uncle Gabe.’ ‘Oh Yes I do, and He’s upstairs with Mommy in the room, right now.’ Brief Pause. ‘Uh, …

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The Way Women Think

Husband’s Text Message to wife Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital. Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays. Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches. I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound …

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Step 14. Rock 105.3 FM Experience Step-by-step – Take Photos

Hang out at the studio until the end of The Show, snap some photos, thank the Rock 105.3 team and head out of the studio.

Hollywood Squares

Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!) Q.. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q. If you’re going to make …

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Liquor Store Robber

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store …

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Catholic Elementary School Cafeteria

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: ‘Take only ONE. God is watching.’ Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of …

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Blood Circulation

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, ‘Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.’ ‘Yes,’ the class said. ‘Then why is it that while …

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Did You Know?

1. Your shoes are the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes. 2. If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there’s a 50% chance you’ll die within the next 3 years. 3. There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you. There’s a 9% …

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They walk among us!

1.They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became …

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Things You Have Probably Never Seen

Housing estate – Denmark 7,000 trees planted to form guitar on a farm in Argentina India – As if one head wasn’t bad enough! A Bugatti Veyron Buttress tree roots – Costa Rica Camouflaged mobile phone tower – U.S.A. Carpet of flowers – Brussels, Belgium Secondhand mobile phone market – China Ship & tugboat – …

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7 Reasons Not To Mess with Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.  The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.  The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.   Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a …

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Darwin Awards

Here is the glorious winner: 1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. And now, the honorable mentions: …

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Win Back the Hearts of Voters for 2014

Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, “Harry, I have a plan to win back the hearts of voters in Middle America in 2014!” “Great Nancy, but how?” asked Harry. “We’ll get some cheap, tacky clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the animal shelter …

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Penis Surgery

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on The freeway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in …

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Cautionary Tale

A woman brought a very limp duck to a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.” The …

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Horse Races

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. ‘What was that for?’ the man asked. The wife replied ‘That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket’. The man then said ‘When I …

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The Penis Poem by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out. What used to be my sex appeal, Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring. But now I’ve got a full time job, To find the f***in’ thing. It used to be embarrassing, The way …

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Colin the Brave

A rich man living in Balwyn decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, …

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The Golf Nut

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance …

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A Bridge Too Far

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, ‘because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.’ The biker pulled over and said, ‘Build a bridge to Hawaii …

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First Time Sex

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has …

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Two Irish Women

Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland .’ The other woman responds proudly, ‘Yes, I sure am!’ The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about in …

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Blonde Phone Call

“Hi Mom, How are you?” “Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at the Ace Hardware” “Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they’ve let me make one phone call” “What happened?” “Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head.” “What on earth ~ why did you do …

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Horse Races

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. ‘What was that for?’ the man asked. The wife replied ‘That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket.’ The man then said ‘When I …

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Which Do You Like?

A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?’ He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ‘I like your sense of humour!’

2011 Darwin Awards

You’ve been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado, here are the 2011 Darwin Awards: Eighth Place In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. Seventh Place A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, …

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Why We Shoot Deer

Why we shoot deer in the wild. (A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this) I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. …

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Proof That The World Is Nuts

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense!) In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He …

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