Tag: sign

Funny Sign at the Sea Life Aquarium

I was at the Sea Life Aquarium and I saw this sign. The way the sign shows a finger pointing at a fish with a line through it and then the outside fish has a sad face, it looks like the sign is saying, “Don’t point at the fish. It hurts their self esteem.” Maybe …

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Free Sex with Every Fill-Up

A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, “Free Sex with Every Fill-Up.” Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and said that if he guessed …

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2016 United States Presidential Race Views

I’m an American trying to do my due diligence by paying attention to the political race that has been going on and when I look at the candidates this is what I see. Please be mindful that it is early and I haven’t had all the time in the world to research every candidate out …

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California Hippie Van

A tell tale sign you’re in California. I was following behind this vehicle in traffic. This vehicle has hippie van written all over it. The guy who was driving it looked like he was a member of the Grateful Dead. If you can read the sticker on the back it says, “0-55 in 11 minutes.”

Political Correctness

For the last six odd years, almost all of the things I wanted to write or say, have been stymied by that modern term referred to as ‘POLITICAL CORRECTNESS’.. Although I consider myself reasonably fluent in English, that term was not in my vocabulary. Curiosity got the better of me so I decided to do …

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Hollywood Sign

I have been really interested in taking photos of the iconic Hollywood sign that sits on the hills outside of Los Angeles, California. While I was in LA, I decided to take photos of the sign from different points of view from around the city. Here are my photos from the different vantage points. Can …

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The Parrot

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house …

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Bar Room Logic

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let’s all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. Armand’s Pizza, Washington, DC Fighting for peace is like Screwing for virginity. The Bayou, Baton Rouge, LO No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick …

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Disneyland Blonde Joke

Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland Left. They started crying and turned around and went home.

Divorce Lawyers

Dear Abby

Dear Abby, My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but …

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Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland UK:

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART. 2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP. 3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN! 4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING. 5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER. 6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE. 7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU. 8. DON’T STAND DIRECTLY IN …

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Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors & the value of the products increase as the …

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Sex Frogs

A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an ‘exotic’ pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs. The sign says: ‘SEX FROGS’ Only $20 each! Come with ‘complete’ instructions. The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody’s watching her. She whispers softly to the …

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For All The Man-haters: Why Buy the Pig

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free. Here’s an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. Men are like…. 1. Men are like Laxatives. …

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Where did Piss Poor Come From?

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery… if you had to do this to survive you were “Piss Poor.” But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even …

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Frower Garden

The other day I went to the store and I was looking for some grass seed. I came upon this sign and thought it was funny enough to take a photo of.

Paraprosdokian

I had to look up “paraprosdokian”. Here is the definition: “Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.” “Where there’s a will, I want to be in it,” is a type of paraprosdokian. 1. Do not argue with an idiot. …

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A Paraprosdokian

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.¬† ‚Ä®¬† I asked God for …

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Police Quotes

These are actual comments made by 16 police officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country. 1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.” 2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.” 3. …

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Web Hosting Provider

Looking for a company that is reliable and cheap to host your website? Check out Dreamhost.com and if they look like they have exactly what you need, Click Here to sign up.

Teachers & Cops:

These are actual comments made on students’ report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy. …

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Tee House Sign

A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar: Cold Beer: $2.00 Hamburger: $2.25 Cheeseburger: $2.50 Chicken Sandwich: $3.50 Hand Job: $50.00 Checking his wallet to be sure …

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Traffic Ticket

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff’s deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any cop from Nowhere, Tennessee . He decides to prove this to himself and …

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Dog For Sale

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale ‘ He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice …

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Public-key Cryptography

Abstract The purpose of this document is to provide a basic understanding of public-key cryptography. Also included within this document is a description of the basic components to the public-key cryptography system. This document is intended for anybody looking to gain a basic understanding or knowledge of public-key cryptography. Content When the Internet was first …

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Happy New Year!

This year for New Year’s Eve, I decided to go to Shibuya, Tokyo. I went to a dance club called Womb. On the way to club Womb I passed a couple other clubs and there were lines out the door. This club seemed as though it was more low key as there was a door …

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Business Ethics With Employees

[Abstract] The purpose of this document is intended to provide an answer to what ethical may arise based upon an employee devising a way to make their job better, if any at all. Also included within this document is a basic understanding of why it is important to share knowledge and information at the workplace. …

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Golfing Nun Cursed

A nun walks into Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair; she lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. ‘ What troubles you, Sister?’ asked the Mother Superior, ‘I thought this was the day you spent with your family.’ ‘It was,’ sighed the Sister, ‘and I went to play golf with my brother. …

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Golf Sign in Arizona

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale, Arizona: 1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART. 2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP. 3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN. 4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING. 5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER. 6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE. 7. IF YOU ARE TAKING …

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Two Prostitutes – $50.00

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which read: ‘Two Prostitutes — $50.00.’ Suddenly a passing patrol officer spotted the sign displayed on the top of their car, stopped them, and warned them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail. About that time, another …

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State Fair

My wife and I went to the State Fair, and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, “THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR” My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs and said, ‘He …

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The “Middle Wife” by an Anonymous 2nd Grade Teacher

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps …

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Family Vacation

Family on holiday in Australia for a week and a half when husband, wife and their 15 year old son decided to go scuba diving. The husband is in the navy and has had some scuba experience. His son wanted a pic of his mum and dad in all their gear so got the underwater …

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Charmane Star

Charmane Star came to Hawaii for a promotional show at Club 939 in Honolulu, so I had to go check her out. I got there at about 9 PM and she came out at about 10 PM. She performed a sexy little dance, then took a break. After her break she sat in a booth …

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Make Time for Loved Ones

After 21 years of marriage, My wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, “I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.” The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who …

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Signs You’ve Grown Up

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can”t smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song …

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Thailand Stop Sign

Photo of a Thai stop sign, so if you were ever curious as to what they looked like, well here it is.