Tag: penis
Penis Surgery
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on The freeway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in …
Text Message
Got this text from my brother recently. It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol’ Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my dick….. It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”
Socially Unacceptable Humor
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said “You’re pulling my leg.” I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor – she only had …
Penis Enlarger
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did….she’s 21 and her name’s Lucy.
Top Four Adult Jokes of 2009
Fourth Place: A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, ‘Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.’ She replies, ‘If your penis is …
Circumcised
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him …
Example of “Bitter Sweet”
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap; I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.” She said, “You have the biggest penis of …
Penis Research
The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man’s penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the US published the study, the French …
New Tax Law
The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the …
Are they?
A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. “Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “Are my testicles black?” Embarrassed the young nurse replies, “I don”t know, I”m only here to wash your face and …
Roping
A young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. After the wedding they left for their honeymoon and while driving down the road, the new bride saw a bull and a cow having sex. She asks, “What are they doing honey?” He answers, “They are roping!” She replies, “Oh, I see.” They drive a few …
Never Piss A Woman Off
A wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength borne of fury, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed in the back yard and put his penis in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed …