Jimmy Kimmel Live is supposed to be live following the Academy Awards, but the show has already aired on the ABC app. and it starts out with Jimmy in a back alley and he pays Billy Crystal money for an Oscar, but it turns out to be Oscar the Grouch and Jimmy screams, “This is not the Oscar I wanted!” Then Billy Crystal yells back, “Matt Damon says, “Hi.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live After the Academy Awards
Meryl Streep Wins Oscar for What?
Spoiler Alert: Meryl Streep wins an Academy Award because Hollywood are a bunch of douches who liked her rant about Donald Trump. Talk about an over rated actress!
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Are the Oscars Prerecorded?
Yesterday I went to Hollywood to take some photos before the Oscars that are to start today at 4 PM Pacific time. This morning I woke up and watched Jimmy Kimmel Live at 8 AM, but his show is supposed to be live after the Oscars. How did he have recordings of people walking the red carpet and he even had outcomes of who won at 8 AM when it doesn’t take place for another 6 hours? Are the Oscars an illusion? Does it really take place earlier in the week, but Hollywood leaves the stages and everything up as an illusion? Is the Flux Capacitor real and they take people back in time by using the Delorean from Back to the Future?
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Oscars 2017
This year I’m not really excited about the Academy Awards as I have been in the past. I think I have heard about all I want to hear from Hollywood and movie stars to are obviously privileged and overpaid. Especially since this was an election year and I heard numerous Hollywood elites say that because Donald Trump got elected they are going to leave the country. Well, Donald J. Trump is the President of the United States and I’m still waiting for these pampered jerk offs to leave the country. They definitely have the money. They certainly have the motivation. Get stepping! The problem is that they want their cake and they want to eat it too. They want to be in the United States when they are making millions of dollars, but as soon as things don’t go their way, they start crying and saying how they are going to leave, but they never do. Why do you think that is? It’s because they are nothing more than a bunch of hot air.
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Goodbye Barrack Obama – Worst President in United States History
Say “Goodbye” to the worst mistake in American history. Your socialist days of trying to turn the United States into a 3rd world country are no more. You will be seen and remembered for what you are…a utter mistake that was pushed into power by the liberal media.
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Roses in La Jolla, California
While in La Jolla I was walking down the street and saw these beautiful roses. I just had to stop and snap some photos of them.
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Confucius Says
Confucius Say: It’s OK to let a fool kiss you; but don’t let a kiss fool you.
Confucius Say: A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.
Confucius Say: It is better to lose a lover than love a loser.
Confucius Say: A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.
Confucius Say: Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, and you lose interest.
Confucius Say: Viagra is like Disneyland…A one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
Confucius Say: It is much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want.
Confucius Say: A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don’t get it.
Confucius Say:Man can’t rape woman, as woman can run faster with dress up than man with pants down.
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Christmas Decorations 2016
I just felt like taking some photos of some Christmas decorations to catch a little Christmas spirit. Here are a few shots.
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Five Undeniable Facts
1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.
2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks – PRICELESS.
4. Breaking News: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman’s husband.
5. Arguing over a girl’s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
I haven’t verified this on Snopes, but it sounds legal.
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
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Only in Israel
With Hanukkah coming up I thought it would be neat to show some things that you will only see in Israel.
A perfect parking job.
More Women fly F-16’s in Israel than drive cars in Saudi Arabia.
Hasidic family crossing sign.
Soldiers who bring their kids to work.
Sudoku while swimming in the Dead Sea.
The reason 7-Elevens are never robbed in Israel.
Israel is the only country where army reservists are commanded by officers younger than their own children.
An entire country comes to a halt. On Holocaust Remembrance Day, a siren goes off at 10 AM in Israel in memory of the 6,000,000 Jews who perished in the Holocaust. As the siren wails all activity comes to a halt, including traffic on major highways.
Israel is one of the only countries where the sun sets into the Mediterranean Sea.
Kosher McDonald’s.
Atheists who believe in God.
Remarkable Diversity.
Wedding photos like this:
Your date brings her M-16.
A Hasidic family dressed like this.
Supermodels who serve in the military.
No cars on the road for an entire 24 hours (Yom Kippur).
Road signs like these.
And Spiderman.
Generations Collide.
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Funny Signs
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Bob and the Blonde
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”
Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”
The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”
Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump.”
The blonde replied, “I did too, but didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Bob took the money…
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Brief California History Lesson
Do you know what happened 166 years ago this summer…September 9th, 1850?
California became a state! The people had no electricity, the state had no money and almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically nothing has changed except back then the women had real tits and the men didn’t hold hands.
And that, my friends, is your history lesson for today.
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Democrats Recounting Votes
Democrats have been unhappy with the turnout of the Presidential election and have start to recount.
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Boar’s Head Handcrafted Sandwich
I was at the supermarket and I saw a Boar’s Head turkey sandwich that looked pretty good. Now, although this sandwich did taste as good as it looked, one thing I didn’t notice until I opened it because the sandwiches were standing vertically was the huge lettering at the bottom that said, “Handcrafted.” As I was eating the sandwich I couldn’t help, but think about why they would put that on the packaging. Are other sandwiches made specifically by sandwich making machines? Is there some sort of sandwich apprenticeship that they are proudly displaying their craftsmanship? Are they trying to brag? Perhaps this is just a stupid marketing ploy to try to entice people to buy their sandwiches. Whichever it is, it is all nonsense. Just let the sandwich speak for itself. It looked good. It tasted good. Leave it alone.
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Model Tatiana – Hippie Photo Shoot
I went on a photo shoot with, Tatiana, one of the models from the previous Boarder X Brewery event that I took photos at. This was different as it was more in nature and more one-on-one, but I think we got some really good photos. She is a pleasure to work with and as I build my experience, my name, and my reputation, I will keep doing my best to capture her in the best light.
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I am a Veteran
I am a veteran. I chose to serve my country, not because it was cool, but because I though it was the right thing to do. I didn’t join to try to be an sort of hero. I just wanted opportunities to travel the world, learn a decent job, and get a college degree. I was willing to make the sacrifices that many other’s weren’t. I raised my right hand and swore an oath to uphold the Constitution of the United States against enemies both foreign and domestic. Although I did not retire from the military, I served honorably. I don’t ask to be recognized. I don’t ask for free stuff. I don’t need people to buy me free beer or pat me on the back. I have done what my country has asked of me and I’ve demanded nothing in return. At sporting events when they ask veteran’s to stand to be recognize, I sit quietly and look around at the real heroes. I believe the it is because of other like-minded individuals from all walks of life, different backgrounds, different cultures, different races, and even different sexual preferences, that have swore the same oath that I swore to protect and defend our beloved country is what makes our country great.
Many people don’t understand the sacrifices that veteran’s have made. They have chosen to protect the United States of America, the values that we stand for, and the ideals that we uphold. They travel to distant lands, spend time away from friends and loved ones, and missed many holidays, birthdays, births, graduations, and other important events. Many service members do not get the opportunity to become a veteran as many never make it home.
When veteran’s day comes around I don’t ask for a day off work. I don’t post my photo to get recognition or praise. I just want to shake the hand or acknowledge others who were willing to do the same thing I did. These are the people I like to know. These are the truly great people who make this country what it is. These are the people that are always welcome and have a friend with me. Here’s to you. Cheers.
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Happy Veteran’s Day 2016
Veterans,
The sacrifices you have made are what help forge the United States into one of the greatest countries in the world. Thank you for your service.
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45th President of the United States: Donald J. Trump
That was quite an election and Donald J. Trump will be the 45th President of the United States of America. I didn’t see that coming and it was a surprise to see that he pulled out a win. It definitely shows that American’s don’t agree with Barrack Obama and want to turn the country away from the direction he was taking the country. One major thing that I was surprised about was the lack of voter turnout. When I look through the numbers of every state it appears that on average only somewhere between 40-50% of people actually voted. That’s almost 60% of the country who didn’t vote. That’s a very big surprise for me. It was also surprising to see the republican’s held the house and senate and now the presidency too. That’s an all republican controlled government. Let’s see if they can get things passed and if congress will get back to work, as opposed to, the gridlock they maintained while Obama was president. I look forward to seeing the change, I look forward to seeing what changes will be made, and I look forward to seeing how great American will become.
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Southern Cops Have a Way With Words
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”
2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”
3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”
6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”
8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”
11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.” ( National Crime Information Center )
13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”
14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”
And the winner is…
16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”
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Happy Halloween 2016
Wishing everyone a safe and Happy Halloween! Here are some Halloween images of a sand art sculptures in Imperial Beach, California.
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Sights Around the Imperial Beach Pier
Took a walk on the Imperial Beach pier and took some photos of different things around the area. Here are those photos:
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Comic Book Street Names
Today I was driving down the street and I turned on the corner of Gotham and Xavier and thought to myself, obviously the people responsible for naming those streets are fans of comic books.
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Demonstration of Love
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?
“Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband – “I love you, Sweetheart”
Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.
Below are hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s wrong?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don’t understand what you mean?
6. What the hell did you do now?
7. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
8. Am I dreaming?
9. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
10. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day.
11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?
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Donkey
The king wanted to go fishing. He called on the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.
So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, “Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area”.
The king was polite and considerate, he replied: “I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him.”
So the king continued on his way. However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.
Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.
The farmer said, “Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey’s ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain.” So the king hired the donkey.
And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions. The practice is unbroken to this day and the Democrat symbol was born.