How to Decide who to Marry: You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. — Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. …
Tag: kids
We Do Not Spank
Most of America’s populace think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of “those moments.” One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk. They usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our …
Welcome to Walmart!
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into WalMart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The WalMart Greeter said pleasantly “Good morning, and welcome to WalMart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?” The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Hell no they ain’t. …
Daddy’s Gonna Eat Your Fingers
This one is for all of you who: a) have kids b) had kids c) was a kid d) know a kid!’, ‘As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said…. “Daddy look at this,” and she stuck …
4th Graders
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up — fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. Little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, “My father’s an exotic dancer in a …
A Christmas Story
Twas the night before Christmas–Old Santa was pissed.He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.I have a good mind to scrap the whole works! I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year,Instead of “Thanks Santa”–what do I hear?The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.The …
One Smart Gator
Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near Washington, DC. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I cain”t unnerstand how you kin be so much bigger ”n me. We”re the same age, we wuz the same size as kids. I just don”t get it.” “Well,” said the big …
When I Was a Kid
When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year ”round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they …
Signs You’ve Grown Up
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can”t smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song …
Is Reverse Racism Culturally Accepted?
The subject of the “race card” has been way over played time and time again. Its probably because everybody is sick of hearing about how 20 year old punk kids were repressed for so many years simply because they were black. As well all know, that’s bullshit! That is just an angle that people know …
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