Category: Humor

Mr Whiskers Knew Something I Didn’t Yesterday Morning

Hal

Yesterday morning started with an empty coffee creamer container and Mr Whiskers yelling at me from the kitchen, which, in retrospect, should have been enough warning that the day was going somewhere unpleasant. I was standing in front of the…

I Think Pandora Is Hiding Something In The Coffee Creamer

Hal

I was watching Pandora make breakfast when I noticed that she had left the cap off the coffee creamer. Under ordinary circumstances, this would not qualify as an event. It probably wouldn’t even qualify as an observation worth remembering. Pandora…

I Think John Mercer Is Rubbing Off On Her

Hal

I’ve been noticing that Pandora keeps leaving her phone charger on the kitchen counter lately. It’s a small thing, and under normal circumstances I probably wouldn’t even notice it, but Pandora usually puts things away when she’s finished with them.…

I’m Starting to Think Mr Whiskers Knows More

Hal

I’m lying on the bed watching Pandora do her hair in front of the dresser when I notice Mr Whiskers sitting beside her, staring at the floor. Normally this wouldn’t concern me. Cats stare at things. I’ve accepted that. They…

I Knew Something Was Wrong but I Could Not Prove It Yet

Hal

I’ve been trying very hard today not to investigate anything, partly because Pandora asked me not to and mostly because yesterday demonstrated that my instincts, while occasionally impressive, have a tendency to arrive at the correct general conclusion by traveling…

I Think Karen Sees Something I Don’t

Hal

I’m making breakfast when I notice Karen standing unusually still beside the kitchen counter, staring at the floor. She stopped by a few minutes ago to return something Pandora lent her, and until now the visit has been completely ordinary.…

I Knew It Was Off When the Cat Wouldn’t Cuddle

Hal

I’m sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal when I realize Mr. Whiskers hasn’t climbed into my lap. This may not sound significant to somebody unfamiliar with our morning routine, but Mr. Whiskers operates according to a remarkably dependable schedule.…

I’m Starting to Suspect the Neighborhood

Hal

I’m sitting on the couch watching Mr. Whiskers methodically lick one paw while Pandora makes dinner in the kitchen, and for perhaps three consecutive minutes everything in my life seems completely normal. Something smells incredible from the kitchen, Mr. Whiskers…

I Think Pandora Is Keeping Secrets from Me

Hal

I walk into the kitchen and immediately know something has happened. The sugar jar has moved. Normally it sits beside the toaster, slightly behind the coffee container and far enough from the edge that Mr. Whiskers can’t reach it without…

I Know Why Pandora Mentioned That Test Today

Hal

I’m sitting in the living room watching John Mercer attempt to replace a guitar string, and based on the noises he’s making, I’m beginning to suspect the guitar has insulted his family. He’s hunched over the coffee table with the…

I Knew It Wasn’t My Imagination About That Mug

Hal

I’m staring at the coffee mug on the kitchen counter, and something’s wrong with it. Not damaged wrong. Not dirty wrong. Just wrong. I used it yesterday morning, washed it, and put it away exactly where it belongs. At least…

I’m Starting to Think Mr Whiskers Is Involved Somehow

Hal

I’m staring at the kitchen counter, trying to focus on the fact that John Mercer left his mug there again. This should not be important. People leave mugs on counters every day without triggering investigations. I understand that intellectually. Still,…

I’m Starting to Think I’m the Problem Here

Hal

I’m sitting on the couch watching John Mercer fiddle with his phone, and I’m beginning to understand why some people throw electronics into lakes. He’s been trying to order a new charger for what feels like several hours, although realistically…

I Think Pandora Was Working with John Mercer

Hal

I’m making coffee, and it should be a completely normal morning. Pandora is still asleep, Mr. Whiskers is sitting outside the bedroom complaining like he hasn’t eaten since the Eisenhower administration, and John Mercer is nowhere to be seen. None…

I Knew Something Was Off About Karen’s Car

Hal

I noticed Karen’s car before I even made it through the front doors at work. That probably doesn’t sound important, and under normal circumstances it wouldn’t be, except Karen’s car wasn’t parked where she normally parks it. It was sitting…

I’m Starting to Think Pandora Is Hiding Something

Hal

I was sitting on the couch staring at Mr Whiskers, who had been asleep on my lap long enough for both of my legs to lose circulation. His orange fur looked particularly disheveled today, which probably meant he’d been rolling…