Category: Humor

I’m Not Buying This “Just Reading” Act

Hal

I was sitting in the living room on what should have been a perfectly ordinary afternoon, attempting to get some work done while Pandora relaxed on the couch with her phone. Mr Whiskers was sprawled across her lap, purring contentedly,…

I Think Pandora Left in a Hurry This Morning

Hal

I was making breakfast when I noticed something unusual in the kitchen sink. Pandora’s coffee mug was sitting there, completely abandoned, with a faint brown ring around the inside and a teaspoon resting beside it. Under normal circumstances, this would…

I Think Mr Whiskers Is Watching Me for a Reason

Hal

I’m sitting in the living room trying to enjoy a quiet Saturday afternoon when I notice Mr Whiskers watching me from the windowsill. Pandora is out running errands, John Mercer is in his room, and the house is unusually peaceful.…

I Think Pandora’s Trying to Tell Me Something

Hal

I’m standing in the kitchen waiting for Pandora to finish making breakfast when I notice something unusual about her tea. She has poured the hot water, added the tea bag, and stirred it exactly three times, but she has not…

My Coffee Can Wait But This Conspiracy Won’t

Hal

I’m standing in the kitchen making my morning coffee when I notice Mrs Jenkins’ gardening gloves sitting on the counter. This is unusual for several reasons, beginning with the fact that Mrs Jenkins does not live here and generally takes…

Mr Whiskers Knows Something I Don’t

Hal

I’m making my morning coffee when I notice that the lid on the coffee canister isn’t completely closed. It’s sitting slightly crooked, leaving a narrow gap along one side, which is unusual because I distinctly remember closing it yesterday. I…

I Think Mr Whiskers Is Trying to Warn Me

Hal

I’m sitting in the living room trying to focus on my laptop when I notice Mr Whiskers behaving strangely. Pandora has just walked out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee and is standing near the window, staring toward…

I Think My Room Is Rebelling Against Me

Hal

I’m sitting on the couch with Mr Whiskers curled up beside me while Pandora does something in the kitchen and John Mercer plays guitar in his room. Under normal circumstances this would be a perfectly peaceful evening, except I can…

I Think Pandora Came Home Early Yesterday

Hal

I’m standing in the kitchen making coffee when I notice that the sugar container is open. This would not ordinarily qualify as an event, but the lid isn’t missing or sitting somewhere that suggests negligence. It is placed neatly beside…

I Think My Roommate Is Hiding Something from Me

Hal

I’m standing in the kitchen waiting for Pandora to finish making breakfast when I notice John Mercer’s backpack lying open on the floor beside one of the chairs. This would not normally concern me because John’s approach to personal belongings…

I’m Starting to Think Mrs Jenkins Is Behind It

Hal

I’m sitting at the kitchen table trying to concentrate on my laptop, but concentration becomes difficult when you discover that your neighbor may possess a more comprehensive understanding of your daily routine than you do. This started last night when…

I Think Dave Was Trying to Tell Me Something

Hal

I’m sitting in the living room staring at a smudge on the coffee table. It isn’t a particularly large smudge, and under normal circumstances I probably wouldn’t have noticed it, but yesterday Dave said something at work that has been…

Everyone’s Being Too Nice to Me Today

Hal

I’m sitting in the living room watching Pandora fix her hair, and something about the entire morning has been bothering me. She has this habit of tugging on one particular strand whenever she’s concentrating, which I’ve noticed before but never…

I Think My Cat Knows Something I Don’t

Hal

I’m trying to get ready for work, but Mr Whiskers has apparently decided that whatever I have planned for the morning is less important than whatever is happening near the kitchen wall. Every time I reach for the coffee, he…

I Think Mr Whiskers Knows More Than Me

Hal

I walked into the kitchen that morning and immediately noticed Pandora’s coffee mug sitting on the counter. There were maybe three sips left in the bottom, which ordinarily wouldn’t have meant anything because Pandora has been known to abandon coffee…

I Think Pandora Is Acting Suspiciously Normal

Hal

Pandora has been acting strange all morning, although I should clarify that by “strange” I mean she has done approximately four things differently than she normally does, none of which would qualify as strange if observed independently. The problem is…

I Think John Mercer Is Being Suspiciously Quiet

Hal

I’m sitting in the living room on what should be a perfectly ordinary Sunday afternoon, watching Pandora type something on her laptop while Mr Whiskers is curled against my leg, purring with the sort of relentless mechanical consistency that people…

I Think Mr Whiskers Knows Something

Hal

Mr. Whiskers has been unusually affectionate with me today, and ordinarily that would be a pleasant development. Unfortunately, I know too much now. There was a time when I might have interpreted a cat climbing onto my lap as evidence…

I Think Pandora Is Being Suspiciously Nice to John Mercer

Hal

I’m making toast when Pandora walks into the kitchen, pours herself a bowl of cereal, and sits down without saying good morning. This by itself is unusual but not unprecedented. Pandora occasionally requires several minutes of consciousness before she becomes…