Tag: Texas

South Texas Humor

University of Michigan Beats Houston With Buzzer Beater Final Shot

This year the University of Michigan men’s basketball team has made it to the NCAA tournament. Prior to the tournament they had time off so their offense hasn’t looked very impressive, however last night they were able to squeak out a victory against the University of Houston with a buzzer-beater 3 point shot by freshman …

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Texas Signs

Only in Texas will you see signs like these . . .

Texas Gun Control

The Coyote Principle

CALIFORNIA – The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor. -The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural. – …

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Texas Humor

Win Back the Hearts of Voters for 2014

Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, “Harry, I have a plan to win back the hearts of voters in Middle America in 2014!” “Great Nancy, but how?” asked Harry. “We’ll get some cheap, tacky clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the animal shelter …

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Speaking German in Texas

In Texas, there is a town named Fredericksburg, where there is a large German-speaking population. One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher’s stock pond. The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: “Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe …

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DEA Agent

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher said, “okay, but don’t go into that field over there…”, as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, “look …

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2011 Football Scouting Report

Wayfron P. Jackson: 6′ 6″, 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from Texas in the last ten years. Loves rap music. Will demand a mini-cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most “you knows” during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can print his complete name. Signed with Tennessee. Quinticious Jenkins: …

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Where the Texas Longhorn Logo Came From….

California vs Texas: What To Do About An Attack By A Wild Coyote

California: The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor. 1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural. 2. …

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Chili Cook-off Compliments

**Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time the Rodeo comes to town. …

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Cajun Duck Hunter

A Cajun went duck hunting one day way up north near Shreveport and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like Cajuns. The game warden ordered the Cajun to show his hunting …

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Spanish Words of the Day

1. Cheese The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito Replies: ‚ÄúMaria likes me, but cheese fat.‚Äù 2. Mushroom When all of my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom. 3. Shoulder My fren wanted to become a citizen but she didn’t know how to read so I shoulder. …

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New Cowboy Boots

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas, ‚Ä®Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. ‚Ä®‚Ä® Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and‚Ä® said to his wife, ‘Notice anything different about me?’‚Ä®‚Ä® Margaret looked him over. ‘Nope.’‚Ä®‚Ä® Frustrated, Bert …

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Dog Pack Attacks Gator In East Texas

At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty. The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the “apex predator”, can still fall victim to implemented ‘team work’ strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and …

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You Know You’re in Texas When…

– The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. – The trees are whistling for the dogs. – The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. – Hot water now comes out of both taps. – You can make sun tea instantly. – You learn that a …

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IRS Genie

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water. His horse has already died of thirst. He”s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden; he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls …

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3 Certainties

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 60s or early 70s. “Can I help you?” she asked. “I want to see Natalie’ the man replied. “Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else.” said the madam. “No. …

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