Tag: officer

Sweater

A blond was speeding down the highway knitting a sweater, yes a sweater. A police officer notices this, pulls up next to her, and yells! “PULL OVER”, “No” she politely replies, a turtleneck.

How to Call the Police When You’re Old

Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed …

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2014 College Football Humor

Urban Meyer on one of his players: “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.” ______________________________________ Why do Tennessee fans wear orange? So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday go hunting on …

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Darwin Awards

Here is the glorious winner: 1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. And now, the honorable mentions: …

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Speeding Ticket

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, ‘I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!’

DEA Agent

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher said, “okay, but don’t go into that field over there…”, as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, “look …

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2011 Darwin Awards

You’ve been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado, here are the 2011 Darwin Awards: Eighth Place In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. Seventh Place A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, …

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Elderly Floridian

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: ‘They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!’ she cried. The dispatcher said, ‘Stay calm. An officer is on the …

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An Airline With a Sense of Humor

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn’t take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard …

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Speeding

I got stopped for speeding yesterday. I thought I could talk my way out of it until the officer looked at my dog in the back seat.

Two Plastic Bags

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag. Oh …

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Military Humor

Two Prostitutes – $50.00

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which read: ‘Two Prostitutes — $50.00.’ Suddenly a passing patrol officer spotted the sign displayed on the top of their car, stopped them, and warned them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail. About that time, another …

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Air Force Members Getting Shaved

An Air Force chief master sergeant and a general officer were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The general shouted, “Hey, don’t put that stuff on me! My wife will think I’ve been in a whorehouse!” …

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Government Matchmaker

A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage & said, “I am looking for a spouse. Can you please help me find a suitable one?” The marriage officer said, “Your requirements, please.” ” Well, let me see…needs to be good-looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good singing and dancing….willing to accompany me the whole day …

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Bond Set for Michael Moffatt Charged With Shooting Wife

(photo courtesy of The Kumachan) Michael Clinton Moffatt, charged at the beginning of the month with attempted murder, has been trying since then to get a judge to set bail, but until Tuesday had no luck. Following a hearing before Mobile County Circuit Judge Charles Graddick, a bail of $250,000 was ordered for the 15-year …

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Punishment For US soldiers in Iraq for Abuse

It is going to be interesting to see what kind of punishment the soldiers in Iraq will get. The interesting thing won’t be the example the military is going to make out of them, but instead because they are enlisted soldiers, will they get imprisonment? This is interesting because we know the only thing US …

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Company Functions Are Not Too Exciting

Last Thursday April 29th, 2004 our office had an outing because different people from the company came to Hawaii for business. Although this was not mandatory it was highly encouraged to attend. I figured that meant you don’t have to go, but we”ll all be pissed off at you later. Since I don’t have a …

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