Tag: gun

The R8 revolver from Counter Strike Global Offensive

The r8 revolver from Counter Strike Global Offensive (Csgo) is over powered, and it’s your mini hand-held awp. Also, everyone in Csgo is running around with the gun being cowboys. ┬áIf you’re playing the game keep an eye out for me

A Retired Person’s Perspective

1. I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out. 2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now. 3. You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood …

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Minnesotan Hunter

Lyle was hunting geese up in the Minnesota woods. He leaned the old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. As luck would have it, his foolish dog Ginger knocked the gun over, it went off and Ole took most of an ounce of #4 in the groin. Several hours …

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Darwin Awards

Here is the glorious winner: 1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. And now, the honorable mentions: …

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Hold Up

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says, “But sir, its just a sperm bank!”, “I don’t care, open it now!!!” he replies. So she opens the door to the …

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Rectum Stretcher

While she was ‘flying’ down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, ‘What’s your hurry?’ To …

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The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says: “Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk.” “Si, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon. …

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One of the Best Anti-Carjacking Devices

Golf Gun

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. ‘How was he killed?’ asked one detective. ‘With a golf gun,’ the other detective replied. ‘A golf gun! What is a golf gun?’ ‘I don’t know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.’

Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims

If you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. You may be a Muslim If you own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes. You may be a Muslim If you have more wives than teeth. You may be a Muslim If you …

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You May Be a Taliban If…

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes. 3. You have more wives than teeth. 4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon “unclean.” 5. You think vests …

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You May Be A Taliban…

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, our troops in Afghanistan prove they’ve trained their sense of humor with the following: “You may be a Taliban if . . . 1) You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer. 2) You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but …

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Troops Should Pull Out

If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theatre of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2,112 deaths – that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers. For the same period of time, the firearm death rate in Washington DC is …

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Texas Drinking Rules

A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Mexico our glass is so cheap we don’t need to drink from the same glass twice.” An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into …

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Rectum Stretcher

While she was “flying” down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, “What’s your hurry?”To which …

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Guns Don’t Kill People, Doctors Do

Think about this: Doctors:(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000. (B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000. (C) Accidental deaths per physician are 0.171.Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services Now think about this: Guns:(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. (Yes, that”s …

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Quickies!

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, “I didn”t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?” Leroy replied, “I”m not sure, What was her maiden name?———————————————————————-A little boy went up to his father and asked: “Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?” The …

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