Author's posts
Why Did Bernie Madoff Go To Prison?
Why did Bernie Madoff go to prison? To make it simple, he talked people into investing with him. Trouble was, he didn’t invest their money. As time rolled on he simply took the money from the new investors to pay off the old investors. Finally there were too many old investors and not enough money …
Humor – Five Surgeons
Five surgeons having drinks together at a surgical convention exchanged opinions regarding their favorite patient types. The first, a Florida surgeon, said, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.” The second, a Michigan surgeon, responded, “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside …
The Things I Owe My Parents
1. My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.” 2. My Parents taught me RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.” 3. My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, …
Divorce vs Murder
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.” The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?” The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.” The pharmacist’s eyes got big …
Looking for a Good Book
Confucius say, “If you are in a book store and cannot find the book for which you search, you are obviously in the…..
American History
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said, ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodiaki a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: ‘Patrick Henry, 1775’he said. ‘Very good!’ Who said, ‘Government of the People, by …
How a Bacon Cheeseburger is Made
This is how a bacon cheeseburger is made…this pic was sent to me by a high school friend of my wife. He owns a large meat company in Pennsylvania & he said that he heard it from his vet, so I know it’s true. Don’t bother checking Snopes.
Investment 101
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today! If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today. But, if …
Californians
So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with this: You know you’re from California if… 1. Your coworker has 8-body piercings and none are visible. 2. You make over $300,000 a year and still can’t afford to buy a house 3. You take …
Mount Fuji Climb
I went on a Mount Fuji climb today and here are some photos I took of my adventure. As you can see in this photo there is still some snow on the mountain even July.
Penguins
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go? Wonder no more !!! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will …
Women
A real woman is a man’s best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She …
Brave Man Jokes
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.. How do you …
Would You Marry Again?
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks the question…. WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married Again?” HUSBAND: “Definitely not!” WIFE: “Why not? Don’t you like being married?” HUSBAND: “Of course I do..” WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you …
1895 8th Grade Final Exam
What it took to get an 8th grade education in 1895… Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895? This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina , Kansas , USA . …
Frower Garden
The other day I went to the store and I was looking for some grass seed. I came upon this sign and thought it was funny enough to take a photo of.
Awkward Moment
The awkward moment is when your friend’s “fat arm” makes you look naked.
The Worlds Shortest Psychiatric Joke
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office, wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap…… The psychiatrist says, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”
Paraprosdokian
I had to look up “paraprosdokian.” Here is the definition: “Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.” “Where there’s a will, I want to be in it,” is a type of paraprosdokian. 1. Do not argue with an idiot. …
Let’s Offend Everyone
– I had just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage roll. A poor homeless man sat there and said ‘I’ve not eaten for two days’ I told him ‘I wish I had your f**king will power’. – I got fired on my …
Bumper Sticker
If you voted for Obama in 2008 to prove you’re not a racist, vote for someone else in 2012 to prove you’re not an idiot.
Little Girl on a Plane
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.” The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would …
Burial Question
I have just one question. Where did they bury the rest of him?
Lego Store
I walked by the Lego store and they had this in the window.