This year for New Year’s Eve, I decided to go to Shibuya, Tokyo. I went to a dance club called Womb. On the way to club Womb I passed a couple other clubs and there were lines out the door. This club seemed as though it was more low key as there was a door man and no sign out front. Once inside the club it cost 5,000 Yen per person, then another 500 yen for them to store the items you have and then 500 yen per drink. Once I got through the door, there was about 30 minutes before midnight, and I went into this small room. While waiting in line for a drink I started talking to another person and I asked them if this was the whole club. He said no it wasn’t and to go upstairs. So I decided to fight through all the people trying to get into the front door to head for the stairs. Once I got upstairs this place was packed with people. The room had a couple DJ’s on one side of the room with a huge disco ball hanging from the ceiling and a bar in the back of the room and laser lights projecting onto a huge screen the exact time it was until the countdown began. Everywhere between there were people packed so tight that when the crowd moved, everybody in the room moved. I stayed in this room until the turn of the new year, probably because it was so tight in there that I couldn’t move, then I decided to go upstairs to see what else this club had to offer. There were a couple more rooms with Hi-NRG techno music playing, but it wasn’t long that I got sick of being stuck in the crowd. I ended up leaving there and going to a more low key bar and stayed in there until about 6 A.M. It was a fun night and definitely a cool experience, but I was amazed that there wasn’t more people passing out and needing to be rushed to the hospital.
Atlanta Burger King Sign
Proof that the Atlanta city school system works! This is an actual picture of a Burger King in Atlanta.
Letter To Santa
Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother.
Santa wrote back: “Send me your mother…”
Christmas lights
After several weeks of nagging from my dear wife I finally put up the Christmas Lights. I mean she would not let up! It’s a good thing I love her!
A Heartwarming Story
A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”
‘The cop asked, ‘What’s he like?’
The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, “Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits.”
When a Deer Comes Knocking
Who is knocking at my back door? I’m not sure who the source is, but interesting nonetheless.
Retired Sailor
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads to the docks once more for old times’ sake. He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He’s soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, “How am I doing?”
The prostitute replies, “Well old sailor, you’re doing about 3 knots.”
Three knots he asks, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She says, “You’re knot hard, you’re knot in, and you’re knot getting your money back.”
Nightmare Renters
What do you mean I can’t get my rental deposit back?
Penis Research
The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man’s penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study. After$250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Newfoundlanders, unsatisfied with these findings,conducted their own study. After 2 weeks, a cost of around $75.46, and 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man’s hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.
A Dog’s Intuition
Have you ever heard that a dog ‘knows’ when an earthquake is about to hit? Have you ever heard that a dog can ‘sense’ when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away? Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed? Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other serious illnesses and danger of fire? Somehow they always know when they can ‘go for a ride’ before you even ask and how do those dogs and cats get home from hundreds of miles away?
I’m a firm believer that animals – and especially dogs – have keen insights into the Truth. And you can’t tell me that dogs can’t sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance. Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn’t right … when impending doom is upon us . . . they’ll always try to warn us…!
Victoria Secret
You’ve probably wondered what exactly Victoria’s Secret is…An abusive marriage? A child out of wedlock? Substance abuse? Nope. Much worse…After years of suspense…The Question is finally answered, “What, exactly, is Victoria’s Secret?”
The Box Office
While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc. Finally, she said, “Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan.”
An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, “Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?”
When the attendant came by he said “Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?”
“Yes,”! said the attendant, “In fact, this entire crew is female.”
“My God,” he said, “I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don’t know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.”
“That’s another thing, Sergeant,” said the crew member, “We No Longer Call It The Cockpit”……”It’s The Box Office.”
Lil’ ole lady
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.
She asked, ‘Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?’
The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.’
The old lady suggested, ‘Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?’
‘Why thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says ‘Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.’
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, ‘I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’
The farmer said, ‘Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’
The old lady replied, ‘Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.
Motivational Posters #2
Here are some more motivational posters. Some may be duplicate images with different messages…entertaining none the less.
Mowing & Beer
On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.
The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung.!”
I took a drink from my can of Miller Lite, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied, “I am, that’s why she cuts the grass.”
Rye Bread
Two old guys, one 70 and one 77, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 77 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.
The 70 year old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 77 year old said “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”
So, on the way home, the 70 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, “Do you have any rye bread?” She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?”
He said, “I want 5 loaves.”
She said, “My goodness, 5 loaves, by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it’ll be hard”
He replied, “I can’t believe it, everybody in the world knows about this shit but me.”
Choosing a Wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he’d given her. Then he married the one with the biggest tits. Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Polar Bear Attack in Canada
These are pictures of an actual polar bear attack of a hiker above Mosinee, Canada, last summer. These pictures were taken while people watched and could do nothing to stop the attack. Reports from the local newspaper say that the victim should make a full recovery.
2008 Halloween Costume
Hooters Girl Retired
Getting Older
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple”s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”
The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?”
The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know… the one that”s red and has thorns.”
“Do you mean a rose?”
“Yes, that”s the one,” replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what”s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?