A fawn followed this beagle home, right through the doggie door, in the Bittinger, MD area. The owner came home to find the visitor had made himself right at home.
Pastor Fluff
The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor in a small town in Ireland. One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.
The Reverend wasn’t happy! He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman. ‘Miss Fitzgerald,’ he said sternly. ‘This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?’
‘Sure,’ she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The Reverend realized that she’d had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.
After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The pub landlord looked over and said, ‘Oy mate, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this pub.
The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, ‘But you don’t understand, I’m Pastor Fluff.’
The landlord nodded and said, ‘Ah well, if you’re that far in, ye might as well finish.’
Cats and Dogs
How To Give A Cat A Pill
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
Untrained Personnel Developing Information System
[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to provide a basic knowledge of what types of problems an untrained user may face with trying to develop an information system. Also included within this document is information about different case tools and how these case tools can aid in reducing cycle time and increase quality.
[Content]
Whenever untrained personnel attempt to build an information system, there are always going to be issues, problems, or hiccups that may need to be resolved. The key to any project is planning, without planning anybody, trained or untrained, is setting him or her up for failure. When untrained personnel attempt to build an information system they typically are taking something from how they know how it works in theory, planning how they want the product to act for them, and then attempting to make it operational. A major problem faced by many with developing new information systems are called “software crisis,” this is when developers are backlogged or having a limited supply of developers or funding (jyu.fi). When an untrained person attempts to take on a task that they do not know about, they can quickly get in over their head, which leads to project overruns and wastes precious resources.
CASE (Computer Aided Software Engineering) tools can be used throughout the lifecycle of a software development lifecycle. When trying to develop an information system there may be a need for different types of CASE tools to accommodate the different aspect of the project. CASE tools can be used for instances of the development lifecycle such as: code generating tools, data modeling tools, unified modeling language (UML) tools, refactoring tools, model transformation tools, and even configuration management tools. CASE tools can speed up the process of developing an information system by helping to create, not only documentation, but also code for the project. By using CASE tools throughout the lifecycle of a project, the project is more consistently completed and therefore a better quality product is produced.
Visual Paradigm is a UML modeling tool, which has many key features that can aid with developing an information system. Some of the specific key features of Visual Paradigm (2008, visual-paradigm.com) are: Automatic software updates, Class diagrams supported, Use Case diagrams supported, State diagrams supported, Sequence diagrams supported, Activity diagrams supported, Component diagrams supported, Deployment diagrams supported, Package diagrams supported, Object diagrams supported, Composite structure diagrams supported, Timing diagrams supported, and interaction overview diagrams supported. When a product is as diverse and aids in the development of so many portions to a product the efficiency and quality both increase as well.
There is a whole slue of types of code generator tools available for use of developers. It has been argued that the code generation tools have made programmers much more productive in completing a project. The code generation tools work by using a generic classes, templates, or aspects in order to create source code. Programmers are then able to focus their time on quality checking the product they are creating instead of writing source code for everything.
In conclusion, there is without a question of a doubt that CASE tools in fact do both ensure high quality standards of a product and reduce lifecycle time to create a product. CASE tools are very useful tools to aid with almost every aspect of the lifecycle of a product and these tools definitely speed up the process. CASE tools also ensure high quality products are produced by efficiently standardizing the process of the product lifecycle. The major problem to CASE tools and software crisis are untrained personnel. The bottom line is that you can have the best toolbox in the world, but if you do not know how to use the tools, you are not going to get very far with whatever it is you are trying to fix or build.
References
1. Robredo, Jamie (1989). Some Problems Involved in the Installation of Advanced Information Systems in Developing Countries.. Some Problems Involved in the Installation of Advanced Information Systems in Developing Countries., ED329238, Retrieved August 21, 2008, from http://eric.ed.gov/ (Robredo, 1989)
2. Problems in information system development. Retrieved August 21, 2008, from Problems in information system development Web site: http://users.jyu.fi/~jpt/doc/thesis/ime-1_1.html (jyu.fi)
3. UML CASE Tools – Free for Learning UML, Cost-Effective for Business Solutions. Retrieved 2008, from UML CASE Tools – Free for Learning UML, Cost-Effective for Business Solutions Web site: http://www.visual-paradigm.com/product/vpuml/
Business Ethics With Employees
[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is intended to provide an answer to what ethical may arise based upon an employee devising a way to make their job better, if any at all. Also included within this document is a basic understanding of why it is important to share knowledge and information at the workplace.
[Content]
When working in any type of position it is always a good idea to share information. By sharing information you are making yourself more marketable because you are the person that people will come to for information or on the job type of training. Without sharing information about the type of job you do, you are essentially digging yourself a hole where it may be difficult to get out of. This happens by performing a job that nobody else can do or what nobody else knows about, this means you cannot be replaced, however this means that if you go on vacation and there is a problem with the job, you are going to be the 1st person they call about it too. Also by working a position that nobody else knows or nobody else knows how to do, you are making it difficult for you to be promoted as well. It is always a good idea to share information in order to ensure more people know about your job and share the knowledge so that in the event you want to further your career, the company can easily find a replacement to fulfill the duties that you performed in that position (Lloyd, 2007).
Ethical issues can arise when an employee creates a product, idea, plan, process, or something that makes their job better or easier while they are on company time. Many companies have similar policies, which they make employee’s sign prior to employment. Herbalife’s policy states the following: “If you are an employee, you signed an agreement when you joined the Company, under which you assumed specific obligations relating to intellectual property as well as the treatment of confidential and proprietary information. Among other things in the agreement, you assigned to the Company all of your right, title, and interest in intellectual property you develop when you are employed in certain capacities, such as a managerial, technical, product planning, programming, scientific or other professional capacity (herbalife.com).” For many companies, which make employees sign agreements like this one from Herbalife, it is common that a company can promote this idea, process, or whatever it may be that the employee created and the company can turn a profit and the employee may never see any addition profit.
In conclusion, many companies require you to protect their physical, proprietary, and intellectual assets. If you devise a way to make your job easier while you are at work, technically the company views this as they own it, however if you think of this on your off-duty time then technically you own it. This is an ethical gray area that most employees are unwilling to fight because they do not want to lose their pension and benefits. Even though it is always a good idea to share information both to your company and to other employees, always make sure credit goes to where credit is due and if there is any compensation for the credit, always ensure you get what you are entitled to.
References
1. Lloyd, Joan (2007, July 13th). Helping train replacement logical move – The Business Journal of Milwaukee:. Retrieved August 19, 2008, from Helping train replacement logical move – The Business Journal of Milwaukee: Web site:
2. Herbalife – Corporate Code of Business Conduct and Ethics. Retrieved August 19, 2008, from Herbalife – Corporate Code of Business Conduct and Ethics Web site: [URL Removed Broken link]
Online Auction Ethics
[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is intended to provide an answer to what moral or ethical constraints should be placed upon users of online auctions, if any at all.
[Content]
When the question arises of what types of constraints should be put in place to prevent users of online auctions from putting immoral, unethical, or otherwise offensive items for bid on an online auction, some people may argue that the constraints goes against their 1st amendment rights of freedom of speech (Shouhong Wang and Diana Kao, 2005). Others may argue that when a person creates an account and accepts the agreement, they are knowingly subjecting themselves to anything that they may find offensive, immoral, or unethical. There is without a question of a doubt a need for some sort of constraints put in place, but where is the limit? Who needs to monitor and police the constraints? Who needs to regulate should be sold and what is not to be allowed?
Online auction sites, like Amazon or eBay, have disclaimers, which protects them from current laws. Even though online auction sites have disclaimers to protect them from current laws, the laws are being challenged. The online auction sites reserve the right to modify this disclaimer as the laws change and thus allowing the online sites to protect themselves. Auction sites also reserve the right to disallow anybody whom they feel is not abiding by their rules from using the online auction (Barker).
In conclusion, when the question is asked about who should be monitoring immoral material being placed on online auctions; I think it is the sole responsibility of each and every individual user to decide what should be allowed. If a user finds something so offensive, then it should be up to that person to report it to the online auction for further review, after all, what is immoral to one person might not be the same for another. It should be up to the online auction owners to follow the law and their policies should reflect the law. If a user is not following their policies, the online auction owners should ban the users from using the auction.
References
1. Shouhong Wang, and Diana Kao (2005). A Model for Monitoring and Enforcing Online Auction Ethics. A Model for Monitoring and Enforcing Online Auction Ethics, Retrieved August 14, 2008, from
2. Barker, Alex W. Ethics, E-Commerce, and the Future of the Past. Retrieved August 14, 2008, from Ethics, E-Commerce, and the Future of the Past Web site: [URL Removed Broken link]
Sears Cajun Catalog
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. Boudreaux says to Thibodeaux, ‘Did you see de purty girls in dis catalog?’
Thibodeaux replies, ‘Yes, dey are vary beautiful. And look at de price!’ Boudreaux says, with wide eyes, ‘Wow, dey don’t cost much. At dis price, I’m gonna to buy one.’
Thibodeaux smiles and pats him on the back. ‘Good idee! Order one an if she’s as purty as she is in de catalog, I’m gonna get one too.’
Three weeks later, Thibodeaux asks Boudreaux, ‘Did you ever get de girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?’
Boudreaux replies, ‘No, but it shoudn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!’
Information System Controls
[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is intended to look at a course registration system within a university and argue which controls should be inputted into that system to ensure the system is not being abused. Also included within this document is an argument for which controls should be put into place to ensure students are able to enroll into courses they request.
[Content]
When using an information system within a university to ensure student enrollment within classes they request there are few security controls that will have to be implemented. Without controls to protect the information system people will most certainly abuse the system. Controls not only assist the students, but they also aid the school in ensure the classrooms are not being overfilled. Controls will also help the school faculty by protecting information that students, whom don’t have a need to know, from viewing. If controls weren’t put into place, students would have access to other students personal information such as social security numbers and addresses, students then would be able to steal their identity and open credit cards and reek all sorts of havoc on each other.
Without an information system having controls in place there would be virtually no security to protect peoples information or the information system itself, however what types of controls should be put in place? When talking about information systems there are different types of controls that happen at different levels, the overall goal is to ensure data confidentiality, data integrity, and data availability. This means users should only have access to information that they are authorized to have access to. Data integrity means that data is secured and not being changed from the time a user inputs the data into the system to the time the data is being accessed. Data availability means that the data is there and ready for when the wants to access it. One form of controls is user-based permissions; this ensures users have access to only the data they are authorized to have access to. Another form of control is file-based permissions; this ensures only authorized personnel can access that specific file. Everything that happens within an information system happens at the system level. The system-level is responsible for auditing everything that happens on that system, but also ensuring everything on that system follows the correct policies and procedures for operation (intosaiitaudit.org, 2004). System-level controls cover everything from proper administration of the system, acceptable use policies of that system, backup procedures of the system, and how data is accessed, stored, or modified on the system. The different types of controls on the information system ensure the confidentiality, integrity, and availability of the data within an information system (Locicero, 2007).
When a student needs to enroll into a class they should first have to have a username and password to log into the information system with. The information system should be using encryption in order to ensure the data being passed between the users computer and the information system is secured. The information system itself should either be placed on a server or multiple servers to ensure that it has maximum uptime, as well as, being on some sort of uninterruptable power source (UPS) or backup generator. The information system should also have redundant paths to ensure the network access has maximum uptime. The information system’s audit, security, and application logs should be stored on a separate server, which should be secured. Trained personnel who are trained to follow all necessary policies and procedures should complete the basic administration of the system. The information system should have a consistent backup plan, which is tested on a regular basis in the event of a failure. There should also be a disaster recovery plan for the information system, which should be stored in a location that is different from where the information system resides. These sets of controls will ensure students are able to enroll in courses they request, as well as, maintain the information system for everybody to use.
In conclusion, when there are proper policies and procedures that have been implemented for an information system and everybody follows the doctrine this preventative action should greatly reduce the event of improper use of an information system. Proper administration of an information system will greatly mitigate any security issues that may arise. Having backup and disaster recovery procedures will ensure the information system can be recovered in the event of something catastrophic.
References
1. (2004, February). Review of Information System Controls. National Audit Office Form 905, 2.3, Retrieved August 21, 2008, from [URL Removed Broken link]
2. Locicero, Claudio (2007, November 5th). Confidentiality, Integrity, Availability and What it Means to You. Retrieved August 21, 2008, from Confidentiality, Integrity, Availability and What it Means to You Web site: http://ezinearticles.com/?Confidentiality,-Integrity,-Availability-and-What-it-Means-to-You&id=817559
Computer Literate Executives and Information Systems
[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to provide an argument to the question, “As more computer- and information system-literate employees move into executive positions, will executive support systems be needed? Why or why not?” The second part of this document answers the questions, “What special knowledge, other than that found in a course catalog, is needed to advise students about course and degree requirements in a university? Is it explicit or implicit knowledge? Could this knowledge be made available through a knowledge management system? Why or why not?”
[Content]
When answering the question, “As more computer- and information system-literate employees move into executive positions, will executive support systems be needed? Why or why not?,” it is important to know what an executive support system is. An executive support system is a software application, which produces reports with metrics for higher-level executives to look at and analyze based upon the information provided (webopedia.com, 2004). Many of the reports pull data from different departments such as, accounting, staffing, scheduling, and more. With these reports executives are able to make critical decisions that will best benefit the company for planning or business opportunities that may arise. These decisions should be based upon the company’s vision or direction the company wants to go and with the reports, which hold the information of where the company stands presently.
Based upon the definition of what an executive support system (ESS) is, one can make the argument that even though there may be more technologically sound business executives there will still need the support system in order for the company to grow. No matter how big or how small a company is, it is important for the decision makers to have a macro view of where the company currently stands. Without knowing where the company is, the business executive or CEO cannot take a vision to make a plan of where the company should be and how to get there. It is the need for the knowledge of the company’s current status for the executive support system. Even though a business executive is more technologically advanced they will still have a need for the ESS, however they may require fewer support from their local information technology (IT) department. With having business executives that are more technologically sound, the IT department may not need to response to mundane tasks like helping a user map to a printer or properly setup their e-mail account.
In order to be able to answer the questions, “What special knowledge, other than that found in a course catalog, is needed to advise students about course and degree requirements in a university? Is it explicit or implicit knowledge? Could this knowledge be made available through a knowledge management system? Why or why not?,” it is first important to know the difference between implicit and explicit knowledge. Explicit knowledge is the type of knowledge, which can be gained from documents, manuals, and even procedures (Zoltan Dienes, Josef Perner, 1999). Implicit knowledge is the type of knowledge from where you consciously or unconsciously are able to process from within your mind. A good way to look at the two different words is that Implicit knowledge is something you gain from within and explicit knowledge is something you gain from an outside source.
With knowing the differences between explicit and implicit knowledge’s, one can make the argument that in order to advise students about course or degree requirements within a university the majority of information is going to be explicit information and therefore this knowledge could be made available through a knowledge management system. The majority of information about courses and requirements can be found in a course catalog, and therefore is explicit knowledge, however the ability to look at each student on a case by case basis and then determine which path best suites their best interests is going to be completed by using experience or implicit knowledge. The vast majority of students should be able to use a knowledge management system to determine their best course in obtaining a degree. By using this explicit knowledge there should be few things or people that implicit knowledge is needed for.
In conclusion, when trying to determine if an ESS is going to be needed due to business men becoming more technologically savvy and if a knowledge management system would work for a university trying to advise students, it is best to know about what an executive support system is and the differences between explicit and implicit knowledge’s. Once a person knows what these things are, then they can make an argument to support their claim.
References
1. (2004, October 24th). What is Executive Support System? – A Word Definition From the Webopedia Computer Dictionary. Retrieved August 9, 2008, from What is Executive Support System? – A Word Definition From the Webopedia Computer Dictionary Web site: http://www.webopedia.com/TERM/E/Executive_Support_System.html
2. Zoltan Dienes, and Josef Perner (1999). A theory of implicit and explicit knowledge. Retrieved August 9, 2008, from A theory of implicit and explicit knowledge Web site: http://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayJournal?jid=BBS
Hungry at the Olympics
If you’re going to the olympics, be sure to bring your appetite. These are a few things you may be able to find.
Free to a Good Home
* Free to good home.
* Excellent guard dog.
* Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.
* Most of them knew him as “Holy Shit.”
University LAN
[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to provide an increased or basic knowledge of how a university with all aspects of their university connected via the local area network (LAN) would change the educational process. Also included in this document are some examples of how a student can access the school’s information system and what advantages or disadvantages that has on the student’s ability to learn.
[Content]
A college university with local area network connectivity provided to all areas of the school’s campus greatly increases the student’s ability to learn. By students having access to the school’s information system, they have the ability to know exactly where their standing is with the university. They are also able to take care of any necessary admissions or payment issues they may have with the school to ensure their enrollment. By having online access from anywhere on the school’s campus they have the ability to complete any necessary research for projects they may be working on. Students also have the ability to maintain a two-way form of communication with their instructors at any time.
When a university provides LAN access to a student from anywhere on the school’s campus a student has the ability to take full advantage of the LAN for both learning purposes, but also morale, welfare, and recreation purposes. When a student has downtime or time away from classes and studying a student can stay in touch with family and friends via chat or video applications like Yahoo Instant Messenger, Microsoft Instant Messenger, AOL Instant Messenger, etc. When a student feels confident everything is fine at home, then they completely have the ability to focus their efforts on studying and their minds won’t be worrying about how family or friends are doing at home. Students can take advantage of online blogging, community sites like MySpace or Friendster, or even the school’s different club websites. By doing this they have the ability of meeting new friends and have the comfort of fitting in with other students.
Today’s classrooms have the ability to maintain a multi-dimensional classroom environment for students by allowing students to maintain communication with their instructor from anywhere on campus. Much like in the workplace it is important for a student to know what their instructor expects of them and from the work the student completes. A good way to know exactly what is expected from by an instructor or for an assignment, it is important to maintain full contact with the school’s faculty. Students can use the university’s LAN to stay in touch with the instructor, which could be a problem making an appointment to see a particular instructor only during office hours. The ability to contact the instructor at anytime from anywhere on campus provides the means for a student to not only maintain a lasting bond with the instructor, but also give the student the opportunity to address any issues they may have with the course or understanding of the course material (tltgroup.org). When an instructor chooses to maintain communication with their student, they have the ability to encourage the student to perform their best. University’s LAN’s provide the means for students to stay in contact with their instructors which will benefit them now and for years to come.
Library’s and computer labs help students to have information and knowledge at their fingertips. School library’s can be limited at the selection of material they may have and computer labs can become congested or too busy for everyone to have full access anytime they need. Using the school’s LAN provides a cost effective way for both the school and the student to have full access to both a computer system and any reference material the student may need. Information is always changing or being updated, schools may have magazines and journals which can become dated, by having online access to magazines or journal subscriptions the university can provide a wider variety of material for a student.
Although a school’s LAN can provide many advantages, there are still instructors who are not very computer savvy, for these instructors the school’s classroom can still be the primary means for shaping young minds. Not everybody is in tuned with technology and they may still want face-to-face interaction with students. For these less technologically savvy instructors, they can still provide minimal communication during non-office hours by checking e-mail or even holding specific chat times, but the rest of the time the instructor may prefer addressing any of the students concerns during normal hours.
In conclusion, when a university provides a LAN in which can be accessed from anywhere, this provides another dimension to how students can maintain full interaction with the university and their instructors. The benefits to the school’s LAN are not isolated to just benefitting students, instructors will greatly benefit as well. When a school provides a positive environment for both students and instructors the school becomes a much more efficient place to learn.
References
1. Faculty-Student Contact: 7 Principles Collection of TLT Ideas. Retrieved August 7, 2008, from Faculty-Student Contact: 7 Principles Collection of TLT Ideas Web site: [URL Removed Broken link]
2. Robert Michaelson, and Jeffrey Garrett (2005). Library Briefings: Advantages of online-only Fall 2005. Retrieved August 9, 2008, from Library Briefings: Advantages of online-only Fall 2005 Web site: [URL Removed Broken link]
Estimating Business Investment
[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to provide an increased or basic knowledge of how automating the business by using computers and applications has advantages and disadvantages. Also included within this document is a plan to estimate the return on investment for automating the business, as well as, a determination of automating the business will allow employees to be more productive. Finally estimation will be made to the benefits of automating the business versus the investment cost.
[Content]
Business automations help make a business run more efficiently, effectively, easily, and prevents duplication of efforts. Prior to automation, if a CEO wanted to write a memorandum and get it out to all of the employees they would have to type the memorandum, print as many copies as there are employees and then either route the document or physically go an give it to each individual. With automation they can simply type the memorandum into an e-mail and send it to everybody and ensure everybody has received it within seconds. This not only is faster and more efficient, but it is also paperless, which is good for the environment as well. Automation helps the company run smoother and effectively by giving everyone within an organization access to information within seconds, which used to take minutes, hours, or even days previously. Not only can people have access to information within seconds, but also security can be put into place that ensures only authorized personnel have access to the data when they need it (nist.gov, 2008). Business automation helps a business run more efficient in order to provide a better product or service.
Continuously improving products and services are necessary for any business to grow and in order to improve products or services there are many tasks that need to happen in between such as: update mailing lists, process orders, administrative paperwork, etc (Lopez, 2005). When a business is trying to determine weather they should consider the total amount of time it takes an employee to manually perform the tasks that want to be automated. Once that number has been counted, the next step is to consider the total cost of automating the business. Once those two numbers have been calculated the total return on investment can then be determined. For example: if it takes 1 employee 8 hours a day of performing tasks manually at $20/hour then the total cost is $80 a day to perform the business tasks manually. Next if the total cost of 10 computers is $20000 plus another $10000 for network equipment then we know the total cost is $30,000 for all necessary computers and networking equipment. Although it may look cheaper to perform the tasks manually we calculated for just one day. The total cost for an entire year is $29,200. It is clear that within a little over 1 year the automation equipment will have completely paid for itself. The total return on investment is definitely worth the initial cost of purchasing the equipment.
References
1. (2008, May 7th). NIST.gov – Computer Security Division – Computer Security Resource Center. Retrieved August 10, 2008, from NIST.gov – Computer Security Division – Computer Security Resource Center Web site: http://csrc.nist.gov/groups/SMA/sbc/
2. Lopez, Marcos (2005, December 5th). Why Automating your Business could be very Profitable. Retrieved August 9, 2008, from Why Automating your Business could be very Profitable Web site: http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Automating-your-Business-could-be-very-Profitable&id=108011
Computers and Functions
[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to provide an increased or basic knowledge of a computer and what types of functions are necessary to be present in order for a piece of hardware to be considered a computer.
[Content]
A computer is a piece or multiple pieces of hardware that have the ability to respond to a specific set of instructions in a well-defined manner, as well as, having the ability to execute a predefined set of instructions (webopedia.com, 2008). Computers have many different uses, but ultimately computers are a technology, which allow users to complete simple or complex tasks in a timely manner. Computers play a role in many aspects of everyday life anywhere from: banking, hospitals, transportation, energy, military, and even NASA. No matter what the use is of a computer, the basic functions of what defines a computer as a computer, the criterion is still the same.
When the question is asked if a microwave is a computer, by definition, the answer is, “no.” When comparing a computer to a microwave the initial thought would be that a microwave is a computer, however when looking at the two by definition, it is apparent that a microwave is not computer. A microwave does have a predefined set of instructions, however it does not have the ability to execute code. Many people may argue that you can program a clock on a microwave and the application used to program the clock is an application, however those are stored values, they are not predefined instructions. Your thoughts of checking your email or over-clocking your microwave in order to cook your food faster just are not going to happen. Microwaves are tools that can be used to allow a user to complete a simple task, but they fall along the lines of furniture or electronics rather than computers.
In conclusion, when comparing a computer to a microwave, they may have a lot of similarities, but they cannot be defined as a computer. Microwaves do not meet all the necessary criteria to be considered on the same computing level as a computer. Until the time that microwaves are programmed to run more complex applications and actually execute a predefined set of instructions, otherwise known as a program, microwaves can still be found in the electronics department of your nearest department store.
References
1. What is computer? – A Word Definition From the Webopedia Computer Dictionary. Retrieved August 3, 2008, from What is computer? – A Word Definition From the Webopedia Computer Dictionary Web site: http://www.webopedia.com/TERM/C/computer.html
Information Systems Within Business
[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to provide an increased or basic knowledge of businesses and types of employees within business. Also included within this document are types of information systems within a business. Finally a determination is made if the employee’s position could be replaced by an information system.
[Content]
Within many aspects of today’s business there is a need for information technology and information systems. The evolution of this technology has made many businesses operate faster and more efficient. Information systems have play a vital role in making business operations run more efficient, not only for the business, but also in accommodating the customer. In some aspects of business, information’s systems have replaced human positions in which people assisted the customer. The evolution of technology both benefits many companies and customers by allowing the business to operate more smooth and efficiently.
Within the airline industry, United Airlines has utilized information systems to aid many of their positions. A few positions that utilize information systems are: service desk clerks, baggage personnel, and even weather personnel. Service desk clerks utilize information systems by inputting customer data into the information system and also querying the information system to ensure seats on an airplane and also flights are available when the customer needs them (prenhall.com, 1999). Once information is inputted into the information system, customers are able to utilize the World Wide Web to query information within the information system. A good example of this is by a customer using the Internet to check how many frequent flier miles they may have on the airline’s website. Even though information systems have made service desk clerks jobs easier, I do not believe the information system could possibly replace the customer service representatives position because the customer service representative needs to address every individuals needs on a case by case basic in order to best assist the customer. Baggage personnel are other employee’s within the airline, which use the information system. When a customer checks in for a flight they check their baggage and their baggage is inputted into the information system. The baggage personnel use the information system to route the baggage to the correct flight or they even query the information system in the event of a lost baggage to track the bag and reroute it to the correct destination (Nice). Baggage personnel also cannot be replaced by the information system because they are still needed to physically carry the baggage and load it onto the aircraft. Weather personnel not only use information systems, but their jobs depend on the information system heavily. Weather personnel are able to receive feeds from multiple sources to verify the most ideal path of travel for a particular aircraft, then they relay this information to pilots for planning the best route of travel. Although the information system plays a major role in weather personnel’s jobs, I do not believe a weather person will be able to be completely replaced by the information system because in the event of an emergency the weather personnel have to be able to follow contingency operations to direct the pilot accordingly in order to safely operate the aircraft.
In conclusion, information system play a vital role in many businesses, however there are still positions that information systems still cannot completely replace. Information systems make many personnel’s jobs easier and they pass information onto both employee’s and customer’s, but the information systems are not intelligent enough to perform actions that people can perform.
References
1. (1999). Information Systems – Useful Cases. Retrieved August 5, 2008, from Information Systems – Useful Cases Web site: [URL Removed Broken link]
2. Nice, Karim Howstuffworks “How Baggage Handling Works”. Retrieved August 6, 2008, from Howstuffworks “How Baggage Handling Works” Web site: [URL Removed Broken link]
Golfing Nun Cursed
A nun walks into Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair; she lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. ‘
What troubles you, Sister?’ asked the Mother Superior, ‘I thought this was the day you spent with your family.’
‘It was,’ sighed the Sister, ‘and I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.’
‘I seem to recall that,’ the Mother Superior agreed. ‘So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?’
‘Far from it,’ snorted the Sister. ‘In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in vain today!’
‘Goodness, Sister!’ gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. ‘You must tell me all about it!’
‘Well, we were on the fifth tee…and this hole is a monster, 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green…and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted‚Ķand it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!’
‘Oh my!’ commiserated the Mother. ‘How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!’
‘No, that wasn’t it,’ admitted Sister.
‘While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!’
‘Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!’ sympathized the Mother.
‘But I didn’t, Mother!’ sobbed the Sister. ‘And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!’
‘So that’s when you cursed,’ said the Mother with a knowing smile.
‘Nope, that wasn’t it either,’ cried the Sister, anguished, ‘because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!’
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said…’You missed the fucking putt, didn’t you?
E-Tail and Retail Stores
[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to provide an increased or basic knowledge and a comparison of online and retail stores. Also included in this document is a comparison of how buying a product online differs from buying a product from a retail store and which products are better suited to be sold online as opposed to through a retail store.
[Content]
When trying to determine whether a product should be bought in a retail store an online store it is important to know if the type of product and if it meets certain standards. Products, which are created to meet international standards, can easily be bought online as opposed to going into a retail store. Retail stores are ideal for products in which a buyer might not know about the particular product. If a buyer knows about a particular product it may be more feasible for them to buy the product through an etail store.
Retail stores provide an ideal environment for customers whom are unsure about a product and may need to physically touch and assess the product. Products like clothing, linens, shoes, foods, and decorative items are examples of products in which they may be better for a customer to look, touch, and decide upon the correct product for them. Products, which are based upon customer comfort, also may need to be seen and felt by the customer. Retail stores allow customers to decide which product is right for them by allowing the customer to try on clothing, shoes, or even lie down upon a bed to determine which mattress feels right to the customer. Retail stores also provide an environment in which a customer can talk with a representative or even other customers in attempt to determine which is the best product or which certain products may have that another does not. Many retail stores also try to entice a larger customer base by creating coupons, having sales, or providing other special offers that provide a benefit for physically visiting a store. It is also not uncommon for retail stores to have an etail store to further expand their customer base or even provide a means for a customer who knows what they want or do not have any of the particular retail stores near them to go online and make a purchase. Retail stores provide an environment for customers to touch, feel, smell, taste, and even ask questions about a product in order for the customer to make a determination about which product is the right product.
Etail stores provide technological environment in which is ideal for customers who do not need to touch and feel a product in order to determine what they want or just may want to make a purchase from the comfort of their own home. A couple good examples of products, which may be best suitable for customers to buy though an etail store as opposed to a retail store, are products like computer or even automotive parts. These products might be best suited for the etail environment because the products are manufactured to adhere to both computer and automotive standards. When a customer wants a 3Ghz dual processor, 2 Terabyte hard drive, or even a ceramic bearing turbo booster for their car, they can buy it online and know exactly what they are getting by either knowing or looking up the standards of the product they are intending on buying. Sometimes etail stores are better to buy from due to discounts they may have on shipping to a customer, by providing specials like this can entice customers to do more online shopping. Online stores have advantages like they are more secure, cheaper to maintain, and they are open 24 hours a day/7 days a week (Matyjewicz, 1999). Other times online stores are idea to make purchases through instead of going to a store and fighting crowds that may be in the store during peak seasons like Thanksgiving or Christmas (Stoller, 2007).
In conclusion, there are different reasons for which type of store is more ideal, however I believe that when a customer knows what they want or do not want to deal with crowds of stores it is more of an advantage to use the services of an etail store. When somebody wants to look at a product and perhaps try it on in the event of purchasing clothing it may be best to go into an actual brick and mortar store to assess the products. If a customer might have an idea what they want, but do not know the specifics about a particular product and they need to talk with an expert about the product it may again be more beneficial to go into a retail store to get the assistance in which is required.
References
1. Matyjewicz, G (1999). The E-Tailer’s Digest – Issue your resource for retail on the Net. +++ S P E C I A L R E P O R T +++ “eTail ‚Äò99 ¬≠ Online Retail Conference” — A summary of the conference by George Matyjewicz. Retrieved July 24, 2008, from The E-Tailer’s Digest – Issue your resource for retail on the Net. +++ S P E C I A L R E P O R T +++ “eTail ‚Äò99 ¬≠ Online Retail Conference” — A summary of the conference by George Matyjewicz Web site:
2. Stoller, C (2007). Will Retail Sync with E-tail for Holiday Season?. Retrieved July 24, 2008, from Will Retail Sync with E-tail for Holiday Season? Web site: [URL Removed Broken link]
Aloha Hawaii, Konnichiwa Japan
Well, there comes a time in everyone’s life where you come to a fork in the road on your path to the future. My road has came to that fork and I have chosen to move to Japan. For the past seven years Hawaii has been an o.k. place to live, but it wasn’t exactly my ball of wax. People of Hawaii are very proud of Hawaii and that works for them, but for me there is many more things to see and do, so now the time has come to say goodbye. The people I have worked with have been fantastic and I can only hope that I will have the opportunity to work with people as awesome as the ones I have worked with for the past 3 years.
I am moving to Tokyo, so that should give me the opportunity to share, not only more stories on this website, but also new adventures, photos, and anything else I might find interesting along the way. Keep checking back, share your adventures, and aloha Hawaii!
Words Women Use:
1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.) GO AHEAD: This is dare, not permission. Don’t do it!!!
5.) LOUD SIGH: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) THAT’S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) THANKS: A woman is thanking you, do not questions, or faint. Just say you’re welcome.
8.) WHATEVER: This is a women’s way of saying F*@K YOU!
9.) DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, “what’s wrong”, for the woman’s response refer to #3.
Golf Sign in Arizona
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale, Arizona:
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN.
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
8. DON’T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE…WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10. DON’T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
WELL DONE. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, & TEE OFF!
Drunk Walks Out of a Bar
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches “Can I help you sir?”
“Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr” the man replies.
The cop asks “Where was your car the last time you saw it”
“It wasss on the end of thisshh key” the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man’s weiner hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man “Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?”
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out………”Holy crap! My girlfriend’s gone too!”
New Wiper Blades
I got a new set of wiper blades on my car. I think they might be too long because they hang over the edges a little, but I don’t care, they work great. I would have to say that they are the only blades I have ever had that I actually like to watch. It’s hard to keep my eyes on the road sometimes. Call me crazy, but lately I have been driving around non-stop with them on. I’ve even been pulled over and the cop asked to go for a ride so he could watch them work. They were outrageously expensive, but safety is my main concern and like I said, they work great.
Bobby Ray and Susie May Getting Down
Bobby Ray and Susie Jane were fooling around out in the cornfield when Bobby Ray said, “Oh Susie Jane, I am getting so horny, you just have to let me have some.”
Susie Jane said, “Well, maybe I will, but it is going to cost you a quarter.”
Bobby Ray dug down in his pocket and said, “Susie Jane, I only got ten cents, and you just have to let me do it for ten cents.”
Susie Jane said, “Ain’t no way I am goin to do it for no ten cents, I said a quarter.”
Bobby Ray said, “I tell you what Susie Jane, how about you just give me ten cents worth?”
Susie Jane said, “You must think I be crazy, cause you know you won’t stop when I say you got ten cents worth.
Bobby Ray said, “Oh Susie Jane, I promise, I promise I will stop when you say I got ten cents worth.”
So they get down between two rows of corn and start going at it.
After about a minute, Susie Jane said, “Bobby Ray, BOBBY RAY” and he said, “Oh Susie Jane, now don’t tell me I have got ten cents worth already”, and she said, “Bobby Ray, do you see that big cornstalk over there on your left side? And Bobby Ray said, “Uhuh.” And she said, “Bobby Ray, do you see that big cornstalk over there on your right side?” Bobby Ray said, “Uhuh.”
Susie May said, “BOBBY RAY, you better grab ahold of those two big cornstalks, cause I’m a fixin to loan you fifteen cents”.
Information Systems and Users
[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to provide an increased or basic knowledge of how users interact with information systems by utilizing input and output devices, computer performance factors, network performance issues, and correlating them to the online virtual campus.
[Content]
When viewing the American Intercontinental University online virtual campus system as an information system, it is important to realize there are different components of the system and how they tie together. One key component to the online virtual campus is that users need input and out devices and what types there are in order to access and use the campus. When using the virtual campus it is important to know what type of information system it is, i.e. application software or system software. It is also instrumental to know that when users access the information system what components of their hardware devices as well as their network connections affect the performance of the information system. Finally it is important to know which data needs to be managed within the information system.
In order to know what types of input and output devices are necessary to interact with the AIU virtual campus it is good to know what the differences between input and output devices are as well as how they are used. A definition of an input device is anything that can be used for the interaction between the real world and the computer world. This means devices such as keyboards, mice, microphones, cameras, and even some security devices to gain access to a computer such as a biometric device. Output devices are any type of device that is used to communicate information from a data processing system to a user in the real world. Some examples of output devices are monitors, speakers, and printers. When a user attempts to log into the information system they use an input device such as a keyboard to type in their logon credentials. The information system then verifies their credentials to their security policies in order to ensure the user is authorized to access the system. The information system processes the requested data and sends it back to the user and displays it on the users output device i.e. monitor. The use of input and output devices is how users interact with an information system in order to retrieve the desired results.
Is the AIU online virtual campus an application software or system software? To best understand weather the AIU virtual campus is application software or system software it is important to know what the difference is between the two. Application software is a piece of software that uses the capabilities of the system software in order to produce the tasks and results the user wishes to perform. System software is software that is involved with incorporating the computer’s capabilities, but does not always apply them to tasks that directly benefit the user (2008). A good example of the difference between software application and system software would be to say an example of a software application is a light bulb. An example of system software would be to call it a power plant. It is possible for the power plant to produce energy in the form of electricity that may not affect the user until an application for the energy is needed, like turning on the light switch for the light bulb. With knowing the differences between application software and system software it is apparent that the AIU online virtual campus is application software.
There are different devices that can affect the performance at which an information system is accessed or information is processed within the information system. One of the 1st and foremost devices, which directly affect the way information, is accessed or processed is the type of connection being used to access the system. For example if a student is on the online virtual campus via the campus Gigabit Ethernet network, the performance is going to be much greater than a user who is thousands of miles away using a 56Kbps dialup modem. High bandwidth connections are not always needed as within the dated mainframe systems that would have a 9.6k dumb terminal directly connected to it. This dumb terminal could product results quicker than the high bandwidth Gigabit Ethernet connection due to it being directly connected to the system it was processing data from. Another key aspect to the performance of an information system is the amount of Random Access Memory (RAM) on the system. Random access memory is a volatile memory that is in the form of integrated circuits that are used to store information. When the RAM on a system is completely full, the computer system will then start to write information to the local hard drive as an additional memory, this is called swapping (Alex, 2003). Although swapping may be good the system is intelligent enough to use other components as additional memory, it does greatly affect the performance of the system.
Since we know the AIU virtual campus is a system application, how users access that system, and what components affect the performance of the system, there is one last thing to know about and it is definitely the most important thing. The most important and most valuable thing that pertains to any information system is the information or data itself. On any network or any information system, if one component fails it is recoverable, however if data is lost this is not recoverable, except by recreating the data. The AIU virtual campus consists of different components within the application system, but the most important is the database, which contains all of the information. Databases are an integral part of information systems, not only because they store the data, but also because users can query the data to produce specific results. For example if a user wanted to look up information about John Doe, they would query the database for any instances of Doe, John and then they could filter the information down to the dates John Doe attended the school, what types of grades the student received, mailing address, and any other pertinent information to the student. Databases within information systems store the most valuable information for that information system.
In conclusion, the AIU online virtual campus is a software application that runs on a computer system. The input and output devices are how users interact between the real world and the computer world. Their network connections as well as their computer bus speed, and the amount of RAM in their computer can all directly affect the performance of how a user interacts with the information system. When a user interacts with the information system what they are really doing is querying a database in order to produce the results the user was looking for. Out of any of the entire information system the data contained within the database is the most important and needs to be protected and managed accordingly.
References
1. (2008). System software Definition: TechEncyclopedia from TechWeb. Retrieved July 23, 2008, from system software Definition: TechEncyclopedia from TechWeb Web site:
2. Alex, P (2003). Computer Performance factors. Retrieved July 23, 2008, from Computer Performance factors Web site:
New Cowboy Boots
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas, 
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. 


Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and‚Ä® said to his wife, ‘Notice anything different about me?’‚Ä®‚Ä®
Margaret looked him over. ‘Nope.’‚Ä®‚Ä®
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, notice anything different NOW?’‚Ä®‚Ä®
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, ‘Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow!’‚Ä®‚Ä®
Furious, Bert yelled, ‘AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S‚Ä® HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?’‚Ä® ‘Nope’, she replied. ‚Ä®‚Ä®
‘IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW‚Ä® BOOTS!!!!’‚Ä®‚Ä®
Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, ‚Ä® ‘Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.’