Late Night Thoughts
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Category: Humor
Observations
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipshit’s. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. I live in my own little world, but it’s OK. Everyone knows me there. I…
Why Some Men have Dogs and Not Wives
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.…
Sometimes it Pays to Tell the Truth
Jack decided to go ski-ing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked…
Blonde Men
A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?” He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do…it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.” ———————————— A blonde man spies a…
Getting into Heaven
An Angel visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and unmarried sex if she wants to get into Heaven. The woman said she would try her best. The Angel visited the woman a week later…
Being a Great Dad
A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancée to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink.…
How to Reason With Teenage Girls
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The Italian Funeral
A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first…
Donald J. Trump Works out a Trade Deal with Kim Jong-Un
Donald J. Trump has worked out a new trade deal with Kim Jong-Un that has many Democrats and liberals steaming mad. I wonder if this will be new topic for Hollywood to bash the President of the United States at…
Alcohol is Your Enemy
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Smart-ass Answers of 2017
SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during an airline flight. ‘Would you like dinner?’, the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.. ‘What are my choices?’ John asked. ‘Yes or no,’ she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight…
Little Johnny Famous Quotes
A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name some quote origins. Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?” Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.” “That’s right, Susie, you can go…
Meanwhile in Minnesota…
It’s been snowing all night. So the morning goes like this; 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 The…
Humorous Taxi Driver Conversations
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Incontinent Hotline
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Glory Years From Healthy Living
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Spend Quality Time Together
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Difference Between Armies
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