Tag: work
Sexual Harassment?
Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, the woman can’t stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a …
A Short History Lesson
1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel company? 2. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York stock Exchange? 4. Greatest wheat speculator? 5. President of the Bank of International Settlement? 6.Great Bear of Wall Street? These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days…Now, …
Too Much Monday Morning Excitement
Over the weekend I bought a new pot for my office plant and today I got the plant nicely situated in its new home and then low and behold a bug climbed in through the window and volunteered to be the first bug eaten by the Venus fly trap. What a great way to start …
There’s Something You Don’t See Everyday
Today as I was driving home from work, I was stopped at a red light and I looked over and saw a dinosaur tied up in the back of a pickup truck. I thought to myself, “There’s something you don’t see everyday.” Then I took a quick photo and drove home.
Famous Beer Quotes
“Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.” -Will Rogers Sometimes, after playing golf, I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes …
Wild Willies Beard Butter
I decided to buy sometime to take care of a beard and when I was looking around on Amazon I found a product called, “Wild Willies Beard Butter.” I thought it looked interesting enough to give it a try. It cost $10.77. The package arrived after a couple of days and when I opened it …
A Retired Person’s Perspective
1. I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out. 2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now. 3. You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood …
The Ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he’s doing a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde …
Best Wednesday Ever!
This morning I was driving to work and listening to The Show on Rock 105.3 FM. One of the topics that was being talked about was the California sever drought going on right now. I attempted to call into the Show and all I kept getting was a busy signal. So I decided to write …
Drawing God
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’ The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one knows …
Irate Airline Passenger
A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said:-“I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.” The agent replied: “I’m sorry, …
They walk among us!
1.They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became …
The Real Laws
1.Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee. 2.Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. 3.Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly …
The Parrot
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house …
7 Reasons Not To Mess with Children
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a …
Replacement Windows
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind. Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them. Just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically …