The College Graduation

Three women go down to Mexico to celebrate college graduation.

Apparently someone slipped something into their drinks, and they woke up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the Almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words‚ “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

The last one (you knew it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Tennessee and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, an I’ll tell ya right now, y’all ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”

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Fuji Safari Park


Went to Fuji Safari Park near the base of Mount Fuji in Japan. The park was rather neat because you could walk around and pet some animals, but there was also a part of the park where you drive your vehicle through these big Jurassic Park gates and then there are animals walking along the side of your vehicle as you drive through. That was a pretty neat experience.

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Old Fart Football

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, ‚ÄòSeven Points.’

His wife rolls over and says, ‘What in the world was that?’ The old man replied, ‘its fart football.’

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says ‚ÄòTouchdown, tie score.’

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, ‘Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.’

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, ‘Touchdown, tie score.’

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, ‘Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.’ Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally shits in the bed.

The wife says, ‘What the hell was that?’

The old man says, ‘Half time, switch sides.

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The Best Engine in the World

A notable gynecologist once said, “The best engine in the world is the vagina.” It can be started with one finger. It is self-lubricating. It takes any size piston. And it changes its own oil every four weeks. It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking temperamental.

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Example of “Bitter Sweet”

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap; I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She said, “You have the biggest penis of all your friends.”

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Belly Button Tattoo


Be glad it’s not your kid.

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Pants and Panties

Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat.

He said, ‘Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, ‘Here, try these on..”

She did and said, ‘These are too big. I can’t wear them.’

I replied, ‘Exactly… I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’ Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.

‘Hmmm,’ said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, ‘Here, try these on..’

She tried them on and said, ‘These are too large.. They don’t fit me.’

Mike said, ‘Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don’t want you to ever forget that.’

Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, ‘Here, you try on mine.’

Mike did and said, ‘I can’t get into your panties.’

Karen said, ‘Exactly. And if you don’t change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.’

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A Powerful Message from Stevie Wonder on Michael Jackson’s

This is quite touching.

……. .. ‚ ‚ .. ‚..
.. . . ‚ . . . . . .. . .. ‚. .. .. . ‚ . .
… … .. … … … …. …. …… … … … …. ….. .. .
.. . . ‚ .. . . . ..
… . …. … …. …. …
…… …. …. …. ….. ….. ….. .. . . …. ….
. .. .
. . .. . .. . …
……. … … … .. … ……. … .. …. … … ….. ….
. .. .. .
.. ….
.. . . . . . .. .. ‚ ..
.. …. .. … … ……. …… …..
Deep stuff, huh?
I nearly cried when he said, ‚. .. . . . .. .. ‚ .. … . . …. ….‚

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International Toy Show – Tokyo, Japan

I went down to the International Toy Show at Tokyo Big Site in Odaiba. Tokyo Big Site is a building located in Odaiba in Tokyo, Japan. It is pretty cool because this was a huge event that had a ton of stuff. This would be like a COMIC-CON, but for toys and held in Tokyo. There was a ton of toys and some of them were really cool.

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When I was leaving the International Toy Show I snapped a few extra photos of the Fuji Television building, Aqua City, and some ships in Tokyo bay. Here are those photos.

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Which Would You Prefer?

All these clothes are currently available at Walmart.

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To Be Six Again

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her Birthday.

‘I’d like to be six again’, she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl
of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller
Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate
shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into the bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being six again?’

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. ‘I meant my dress size, you retard!’

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Yokosuka, Japan

Drove over to Yokosuka, Japan today. There is a Naval base over there. It is pretty neat to see. Here are some photos of that experience.

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Naval Base Yokosuka


Went over to Naval Base Yokosuka on the edge of Yokohama bay and while over there these were a few of the cool Navy ships to see.

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Fishing and Marriage License

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Cowboy in Gay Bar

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it’s a gay bar.

“What the heck,” he says to himself, “I really want a drink.”

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, “What’s the name of your willy?”

The cowboy says, “Look, I’m not into any of that. All I want is a drink.”

The gay waiter says, “I’m sorry bu t I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan ‘Just Do It.’ That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because ‘It really Satisfies.’ ”

The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, “Hey bud, what’s the name of yours?”

The man looks back and says with a smile, “TIMEX.” The thirsty cowboy asks, “Why Timex?” The fella proudly replies, “‘Cause it takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin!”

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella’s on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, “So, what do you guys call yours?”

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, “FORD, because ‘Quality is Job One’.” Then he adds, “Have you driven a Ford lately?”

The guy next to him then says, “I call mine CHEVY…..’Like a Rock!’” And gives a wink!

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, “The name of my willy is SECRET.. Now give me a beer.”

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, “Why Secret?”

The cowboy says, “Because it’s ‘STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN’!”

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Wyoming Hot Tub Party

wyoming_hottub

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Prevent Terrorists From Using Currency

Due to the global war on terrorism, many terrorist organizations have had their finances frozen. Consequently, they have resorted to counterfeiting. The Canadians have considered to redesign their currency to prevent the radical Muslims from even touching it. It is also hoped that this will have a positive effect on tourism.

canadaian_currency10
canadaian_currency20
canadaian_currency100

Muslim terrorists have to kill themselves if they see a naked woman, it’s a win/win for everybody.

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The Dawn Keye Diet

A nurse, who has done a lot of research about dieting, has given information about the various popular diets including Atkins, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and the South Beach Diet. One diet about which you haven’t heard about previously, but which I insist works for almost everyone:

the_dawn_keye_diet

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Worried About Squirrels in Your Bird Feeder?

bird_feederbird_feeder1bird_feeder2

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Mount Fuji Japan

Drove over to Mount Fuji today. Here are some of the photos that were snapped along the way and different views from the volcano.

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Sights Around Mount Fuji


Drove over to Mount Fuji and there were low level clouds, but there was a break in the clouds enough for me to get some photos and some different views around Mount Fuji.

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Differences Based Upon the View

Mount Rushmore from the Canadian Side.

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Father’s Day

This one really touched my heart. Remember Father’s Day is Sunday June 21st.

fathers_day

“Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in my Daddy’s computer.” “Amen.”

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Asakusa – Tokyo, Japan

Went to Asakusa in Tokyo, Japan today. Here are some photos of the things I saw while I was there.
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Buddhist Temple in Asakusa, Tokyo


Took the subway train to visit the buddhist temple in Asakusa district of Tokyo.

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Poignant Thoughts on the Swine Flu

swine_flu

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Grilling Tip


As every Southerner knows, come spring it is time to get ready for that all-important cooking technique of the south — outdoor grilling!

I have just found out there are several stores (not just in the South) where you can get a FREE Bar-B-Q grill! You can get a free BBQ grill from any of the following stores:

A&P
Albertsons
Brookshire’s
Food Lion
Home Depot
Ingles
Big Lots
Lowes
Piggly Wiggly
Publix
Safeway
Sam’s Club
Target
Trader Joe’s
Wal-Mart
Winn-Dixie
Food Depot
K-Mart
B J’s
Walgreen’s
Rite Aid
Food World
Bruno’s
CVS
Kroger

I especially like the higher rack — which can be used for keeping things warm! Just make sure to get a metal one… the plastic ones don’t do so well. Y’all enjoy now!

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Management Challenges

[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to describe what types of management challenges can be incurred based upon a scenario of Kucera Clothier‚ introducing a collaboration system into their organization. Also included within this document are methods that can be used to manage change with expectations of other personnel. This document is intended for anybody looking to gain a basic understanding or knowledge of managing challenges within an organization and providing solutions for problems.

[Content]
Kucera Clothiers is implementing a collaboration system into their organization in order to improve communications, increase efficiency, and to improve customer relations, however they will most likely incur management challenges throughout the implementation of the new system. When managing people, products, or even projects there is a great probability that problems will occur and in order to effectively manage the challenge is important to address any issues immediately and move forward with the desired objective. Some of the challenges that can arise can come from people such as personality differences, power struggles, training issues, or even the lack of manpower. Other business challenges that can arise from a global company like Kucera Cothiers are religious, cultural, time related, and even legal issues. It is important for Kucera Clothiers to address any issues that may arise quickly and then refocus on the collaboration system project.

To better understand how Kucera Cothiers can deal with different challenges it is important to look at different management challenges that could arise and then consider possible solutions. First and foremost the most valuable asset to any organization are the employees of that organization. People management is instrumental to ensuring Kucera Clothier’s success (Frenzel, Frenzel, 2004 P.524). When managing people it is important for a manager to maintain a positive attitude and deal with any issues on a case-by-case basis. For a manager of people it is necessary to provide employees the tools that are needed to do their job and empower their employees to be creative to complete a task, however it is important for the manager to follow up on a task to ensure it has been completed according to requirements. A manager is also able to gain support and respect of their employees by being proficient in their job and by being proficient as a manager. This is important because an employee’s willingness to do a better job can come from feeling like they belong to a successful team. A manager can create and maintain a high level of morale by fostering a positive and competitive environment for which employee’s want to be a part of. One example of how a manager can foster a positive work environment is by sticking to the rule of thumb of “praising in public, punishing in private.” By following this rule of thumb a manager does not make an employee feel embarrassed or humiliated for making a mistake. In order to be an effective manager of people there are expectations that are required from others in order to effectively manage people. One of the expectations of employees is to provide feedback and effective communication in order to keep the manager aware of any challenges so that the manager can effectively manage the issues. Another expectation is to be respectful of others to aid in creating a positive work environment. Lastly another expectation of an employee is for the employee to do the best job they are able to with the resources that they have available.

Change management is another management that may be required by Kucera managers in order to deal with different challenges of implementing the collaboration system that could affect the delivery of the collaboration system service. Change management is a technique that is used to handle changes of the system such as hardware changes, software changes, environmental changes, management changes, or any other type of change to the system that can affect directly on the system or the service of the system that is being provided. In order to effectively manage changes there are five different elements that can help a manager effectively manage the change. A change request can be submitted that identifies what change is necessary to the system. After the change request has been submitted the manager can conduct a change analysis and then prioritize the change request based upon a risk assessment (Frenzel, Frenzel, 2004 P.390). The manager can then plan for the change, which may require some additional research. Then the manager can get authorization to implement the change. By following this process managers can effectively manage changes and minimize risks that could adversely affect the system. An expectation of employees is that they follow the change request procedure so that the manager can manage the change accordingly.

In conclusion, there are numerous possible challenges that could arise for Kucera Clothiers, while they are implementing the collaboration system, however by addressing the challenges effectively allows for Kucera to maintain focus on the implementation of the collaboration system, which can lead to the success of the system. When managing people it is important for a manager to create and maintain a positive environment for employees, while empowering them and challenging them to complete their tasks quickly and completely. Managers can also effectively manage any change to the system by following a process, which gives the manager necessary information to complete the process. No matter whether people, processes, or even change is being managed there are expectations of others that aid the managers in having the ability to properly managing the challenges.

References
Frenzel, Frenzel, C. W., J. C. (2004). Management of Information Technology Fourth Edition. Boston, Massachusetts: Thomas Learning Inc..

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Security Concerns of a Collaboration System

[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to analyze the collaboration system that is to be migrated into the Kucera Clothier’s company and identify security concerns with the system, as well as, identify methods to minimize the risk of an incident of unauthorized access to company information. This document is intended for anybody looking to gain a basic knowledge or understanding of security concerns with an introduction of a new technology into an organization.

[Content]
Kucera Clothiers is considering incorporating a collaboration system into their organization, however they want to ensure the collaboration system will resolve communication issues the organization is having without introducing new problems or concerns into the organization. When analyzing the security of a network system it is helpful to use the Open Source Interconnect (OSI) model by starting from the lowest layer of the model and working through each layer to the top while considering security techniques at each layer. The seven layers of the OSI model from the bottom to the top layer are the physical layer, data link layer, network layer, transport layer, session layer, presentation layer, and application layer (Teare, 1999). Using the OSI model aids as a guide to ensure a network or networked systems are secure at different levels of computer networking.

The physical layer is the most basic layer of ensuring networked devices are secured. By ensuring physical security of networked devices can ensure that unauthorized personnel do not have unauthorized access to network resources, computers, and even data that reside on the network. One way to ensure physical security of a collaboration system is by keeping the active equipment locked in a server room where only authorized personnel have access. If the ability exists it adds an additional layer of physical security by locking the equipment in an equipment rack. A method for protecting the network connectivity within the corporate headquarters and also within the satellite offices is by locking doors and offices during non business hours and by using security systems such as cameras, alarmed doors, and security personnel. Physical security enables owners of equipment and network resources to maintain control and management of their systems and equipment.

The data link layer is a layer that pertains to network devices, such as network switches, and although this layer doesn’t allow for a lot of security it does provide one additional layer of security. A technique for providing security at the data link layer for the collaboration system as well as other network resources is by using managed switches to the network. As part of the policy of the organization it should be mandated that all unused ports on a switch be disabled. This prevents unauthorized personnel to connect unauthorized devices to existing network resources in attempt to gain access to these resource and data. Another technique to providing security at the data link layer is to enable port security on a managed switch. Port security allows for a device to be connected, however if for some reason, that device is disconnected and different device is plugged in then the port will automatically disable and prevent use of this network resource (Davis, 2006). The data link layer of the OSI model does not provide many means of security, but applying security techniques that are available provide an additional level of security.

The network layer of the OSI model is where most routing takes place and there are different devices and techniques that can be used to ensure only authorized access to networks and network resources is obtained. Kucera Clothier’s will need to use network routers to ensure there are communications between the corporate headquarters in Chicago and the different satellite offices around the world. A security technique that can be applied on a router is to create access control lists (ACL) that prevent unauthorized access to a network from untrusted hosts or networks. In addition to using ACLs on routers, network firewalls can be installed and configured to inspect every packet that is either entering or exiting a network and then determine if the source of that packet is authorized to send the packet to the destination. In addition to inspecting every packet entering or leaving a network a network firewall can close all unused network service ports in order to prevent unauthorized access through an unused port. Router access control lists and network firewalls prevent unauthorized access to network resources by blocking unused ports, maintaining a list of trusted hosts or networks, and by inspecting packets to ensure it is authorized. Another method of ensuring security at the network layer is to use Internet Protocol Security, otherwise known as IPSec. IPSec provides packet encryption by encrypting the data that is contained within a packet, but leaving the source and destination information unencrypted so that the packet can be routed, but the data is secured. Because IPSec functions at the network layer of the OSI model the upper layers and data is protected. For remote satellite offices, IPSec can ensure that data transmitted from a satellite office to Kucera corporate headquarters is being transmitted securely. Network layer security can protect networks by checking access control lists, blocking ports, inspecting packets and even by providing encryption.

Security at the transport layer of the OSI model can be found in many different types of web traffic. One method of security the transport layer of the OSI model is by using transport layer security, otherwise known as TLS. TLS is a cryptographic protocol that provides data integrity and security. Another method that superseded TLS is secure sockets layer. Both TLS and SSL function by providing an end-to-end encryption between different network segment connections. Either TLS or SSL can be used in conjunction with the online collaboration system no matter if a user is using a voice over IP service, web service, e-mail service, or even an instant messaging service. The use of TLS and SSL provides transport layer security by ensuring point-to-point encryption is provided.

The presentation layer of the OSI model is less often used by most users, however there are certain ways to ensure security. The presentation layer provides the ability to connect different operating systems and different types of systems together while hiding the differences between these different systems. Arguably the presentation layer also provides the means to provide compression so that data passing along an encrypted path can be transmitted in less amount of time. Some, but not all of SSL encryption takes place at the presentation layer. The presentation layer is most likely the least used layer of the OSI model because not all of the network communications that take place at the presentation layer are needed. In many cases the options for presentation layer communications are optional as opposed to being required or better security techniques are provided at the transport layer or the application layer of the OSI model.

The application layer of the OSI model encompasses many different protocols that can be used during application development to ensure security at the application layer. When using an application there are ways to ensure data is being protected. Developers and system administrators can choose to use methods of secure communication within their applications such as secure FTP (SFTP), secure shell (SSH), lightweight directory access protocol (LDAP), time stamp protocol, simple mail transfer protocol, and the list can go on and on. Administrators can ensure a system, such as a collaboration system, maintains high levels of security by making small configurations to systems such as configuring a database server to only accept encrypted connections between trusted devices. Another method is to employ the use of a LDAP server to query a directory server to ensure a user is authorized and authenticated on a network. When transferring files a system administration can make a configuration to a system to only allow SFTP connections. This guarantees all data in transit is encrypted. Application layer security can be taken into consideration during the development of an application, application configurations can be made to maintain high levels of security, or even specific applications can be used to provide different security practices.

In conclusion, Kucera Clothier’s are considering using a collaboration system to resolve communication issues without inducing new problems into the organization, while protecting their data and by using the OSI model as a guideline Kucera Clothier’s can ensure all data and communications are being protected. Kucera can provide a layered approach to security by employing security techniques at each layer of the OSI model. Providing security techniques at each layer of the OSI model help to compliment each other so that data, network resources, and systems are safe and sound within their organization. If the layered approach is used Kucera can maintain peace of mind that all data, either in transit or residential on their networks, is safe and sound and waiting for the organization to use it at will.

References
1. Teare, D. (1999). Internetworking Basics. Internetworking Technology Handbook, Retrieved May 30th, 2009, from http://www.cisco.com/en/US/docs/internetworking/technology/handbook/Intro-to-Internet.pdf
2. Davis, D. (2006, October 5th). Lock down Cisco switch port security. Retrieved May 31, 2009, from Tech Republic Web site: http://articles.techrepublic.com.com/5100-10878_11-6123047.html

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Not in the Travel Brochure

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An Actual Craig’s List Personal AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacke t that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn’t expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head … Isn’t it?!

I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you’d done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, — on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink “pimp mobile” that was parked at the curb …. After I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver’s side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what ‘s going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc..).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you … But I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you’ve chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

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