Woman’s Perfect Breakfast She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. Woman’s Revenge “Cash, check or …
Tag: wife
Sex is Missing Again
Folks generally aren’t very creative in choosing names for their dogs. That’s why there are so many named Rover and Spot. But have you heard the plight of the fellow who thought he’d be cute and name his dog Sex? It goes like this: “One day Sex and I took a walk and he ran …
Is America at War?
As I came out of the supermarket that sunny day, pushing my cart of groceries towards my car, I saw an old man with the hood of his car up and a lady sitting inside the car, with the door open. The old man was looking at the engine. I put my groceries away in …
Differences Between Women And Men
1. NAMES If Rebecca, Linda, Anna and Jeanne go out for lunch, they will call each other Rebecca, Linda, Anna and Jeanne. If Mark, Harold, Dave and Rob go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Harold, Dave and …
Groaner
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset. “You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce straight …
New Sex Study
It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.
Ralph the Chicken
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said,‚Äö√Ñ√¥ you died in your sleep, Ralph. ‚Äö√ѬÆRalph was stunned. I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for send me back! St. …
Stun Gun
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this : Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something …
Fireman Sex
A fireman came home from work one day and told his wife, ‘You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, Bell 3 rings and we’re on the fire truck ready to go.’From …
Howzit Brahdah
Brahdah‚ came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, ‘You died in your sleep, Brahdah.’ Brahdah was stunned. ‘I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!’ St. …
Divorce vs. Murder
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist,¬¨‚Ćlooked straight into his eyes,and said, ‘I would like to buy some cyanide.’ ¬¨‚ĆThe pharmacist asked, ‘Why in the world do you need cyanide?’ ¬¨‚ĆThe lady replied, ‘I need it to poison my husband.’ ¬¨‚ĆThe pharmacist’s eyes got big and he …
Married Couple
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor …
Family Vacation
Family on holiday in Australia for a week and a half when husband, wife and their 15 year old son decided to go scuba diving. The husband is in the navy and has had some scuba experience. His son wanted a pic of his mum and dad in all their gear so got the underwater …
The Last Word
One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight starving, dirty, smelled terrible, hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn’t know what to call her so we named her “Pussycat.” …
Twenty Dollars
On their wedding night, the young bride Approached her new Husband and asked for $20.00 for their first Lovemaking encounter. In His highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more Than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a Cute way for her to …
A Soldiers Wish
The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,Transforming the yard to a winter delight.The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,Completed the magic that …
$20.00
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to …
Precaution
A senior citizen visits his doctor for a routine check-up and everything seems fine. The doctor asks him about his sex life. “Well…” the man drawled, “not bad at all to be honest. The wife ain’t all that interested anymore, so I just cruise around. In the past week I was able to pick-up and …
How to Shower
How to shower like a woman: Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mi rror — make mental note to do …
Strange Buzzing Noise
As a woman passes her daughter”s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with vibrator. Shocked, she asked, “What in the world are you doing?” The daughter replied, “Mom, I”m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is …
Old Cow
Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road in New York State one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t – the aged bovine was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain …
Air Force Members Getting Shaved
An Air Force chief master sergeant and a general officer were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The general shouted, “Hey, don’t put that stuff on me! My wife will think I’ve been in a whorehouse!” …
Holy Bathroom Light
An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, “George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?” George replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he”s fixed it so when …
Kids Say the Darndest Things
Jack (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: “Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?” Melanie (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, …
Wrong Approach
Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other, “you know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get into the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my …
Where is Your Underwear
The Englishman’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. “Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” her husband demanded. “Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.” The …
26 Reasons Why Men Have 2 Dogs and Not 2 Wives:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs. 3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don”t hate it. 4. Dogs don”t notice if you call them by another dog”s name. 5. Dogs like it if you leave a …
Chinese Sick Leave
Hung Chow called into work and says, “Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.” The boss says, “You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me …
Bond Set for Michael Moffatt Charged With Shooting Wife
(photo courtesy of The Kumachan) Michael Clinton Moffatt, charged at the beginning of the month with attempted murder, has been trying since then to get a judge to set bail, but until Tuesday had no luck. Following a hearing before Mobile County Circuit Judge Charles Graddick, a bail of $250,000 was ordered for the 15-year …